the sun sets on yet another spring break...:)

austin has been with his dad this weekend, who continues to keep me off balance via his un-bebolike behavior. today he brought austin to easter sunday services. i couldn't have been more surprised if jesus had walked into the services in a giant bunny suit. he actually seemed to be enjoying himself. i was a greeter, so i spent most of the time standing at the door handing out programs. the message today was that god loves you no matter what you do or how stupid you act. gee, do you suppose an angel got the beeb up this morning and said, go take the child, but most importantly, take yourself. it wasn't like anyone has been trying to convert him, but he seems to get "messages" f rom the most unlikely of places and has been known to act on them. being in a church today might have been enough to drive him back to his buddhist monastery, but hopefully it will drive him towards something, anything.

i spent the bulk of the day in pursuit of 2 things: actually reading the whole NYTIMES on the day it was delivered (i still have the book section left) and weeding/planting seeds. i got some of the seeds done outdoors just at dusk. the weeding i did in the afternoon along with potting some new plants and clearing out some old ones. i moved the two trees back out of the house and on the porch where they are now all on their own for survival.

when i was pulling weeds at the foot of the sidewalk, i pulled up a huge clump of grass and in the ground was a small, painted turtle! i was a bit more freaked out (hmmm, bebo in church, turtle in ground...) and took it over to the waterfall pond and put it on the rocks. it wasted no time going somewhere, as when i went back about 10 minutes later, he has vamoosed. there were other nature events today on EASY's pond...the boyfriend of a neighbor who lives across the street asked me if he could fish in the pond and i said, sure. he wanted to know if there were bass in there, and i said there was rumored to be an 8lb. bass in there that had been caught a couple of years ago by the son of brian, the gameskeeper for the wilderness behind me. within 15 minutes, robert was running up the hill to my porch (i was on the phone and planting seeds) with a HUGE FISH AND I MEAN HUGE! this thing was a WHOPPER...it was the mythical bass. i took pictures of it for robert on his digital camera, and i also took pictures on my little disposable one. no one would likely believe it if there weren't pictures. robert put the fish back (he does catch and release) and while i was talking to him, he snagged another bass, this one smaller, and it got away. he is using some sort of plastic lizard lure that must work obviously! in talking to robert, i learned that fish do know when you come to feed them and they will gather. robert talked about his grandfather who used to feed fish in a pond and knocked on the pier at the same time each day and beaucoup fish would appear!

the four ducks had already been up to the porch, where tonight they dined upon fat free crackers and then retreated in a line to the pond. coming up to the house, they were marching in order of size, with big austin leading the pack! they are flying in in the afternoon, sort of like a fowl version of air tran...short trips hopping from pond to pond, to return to the hanger at dusk...

i am not at all enthused about going to work in the morning. most of this is based upon the fact that i have been to myself and quiet all week. i have not particularly missed the sounds of human voices or conversation. i have gotten to choose when i talked and with whom. i have spent a lot of time looking at plants and going to places to buy them. yesterday morning i went up to beaverdam to the ashland berry farm to look at plants and their big pond area. it was the first time i had seen all the types of fish you can buy for koi ponds, and they also had bullfrog tadpoles as well! i enjoyed looking at the 10 or so different ponds that they had set up, although i couldn't afford to build any of them. the ride up there was pretty nice and relaxing, and i was thinking the whole way how i had never been in that part of the county before and how quaint it was. i thought about how it would be to live in a rural area like that. on the way back from there i stopped at 3 junk/antique shops looking for things to build fountains out of. i did find exactly what i was looking for, which was an old watering can. there were a few interesting things, but oddly enough, looking in these places was depressing to me. it was like each place was a collection of the detrius of life...and yet people, including me, were plundering through there buying stuff that no one needs.

in any case, spring has sprung.

things to be grateful for...

...that my cars can be repaired, and that i was able to pull $1000 out of my savings to pay for them.
...that my knees aren't hurting as bad and that i was able to get some sleep this week.
...that i have good friends like taylor and pam who are paying for my airfare via american express points and don't want to argue with me about it.
...that i have a good friend like linda who wants pam and i to share her condo vacation in pagosa springs, colorado in june. we are celebrating our 50th birthdays together!
...that the ducks are still around and the fish know me.
...that i still have ideas for pottery and fountains.
...that i can still learn stuff. for instance, did you know that fish will eat popcorn and crackers?
...that i have enough money to buy plants.
...that people like the massages that i give them.
...most especially, that my son still wants to talk to me about his feelings, especially at his age. i don't know how long that will last, but i am grateful for it now.
...that there are some people out there who love austin for who he is, not just what he can do with a baseball bat or a basketball.
...that it has rained, finally, and i got the sunset maple tree planted today. also, that austin managed to NOT cut the phone line with the pickaxe...i discovered the line BEFORE he could do it any big damage...
...that i can still play the guitar when i want. last night, when i was playing with carter, was the first time i had played in probably a year. i enjoyed it.
...that i can now sleep on my stomach. i wasn't able to do that for a long, long time.
...that someone actually thinks i have lost weight. brenda davis walked in tonight and said immediately that i had lost weight since the last time i had seen her.
...that god invented wawa tea, wyler's diet lemonade, and walmart grape sugar free Koolaid!
...that i am still finding angel pennies...and apparently, angel dollars! a couple of weeks ago i found $25.11 in the wawa in petersburg...i gave the $25 back to the church.
...that my cats still love me, and that the peeper frogs are out, although i haven't heard much from them in the last week.
...that there are still some chilly mornings and days. i hate hot weather, and it is coming...!
...that my friend mary has finally, after 26 years, found the love of her life and is emailing him. she always wondered what happened to him, and she finally was able to find him via the internet. i have always thought that would happen. it has taken a lot of years, and no one knows what will become of it, but it has always been unfinished business for her. right now, it is making her happy, and that is a good thing.
...that pam still has big rocks on her farm and i can go and get them whenever i want them! also, that austin and carter had a good time together yesterday, as austin needs a male friend. they apparently talked and had a good time while they were out.
...that my mother and father are enjoying relatively good health, and that my mother's rotator cuff surgery went well today. i am also appreciative of the aunties still being around, as well as my other relatives. i have been very lucky to have had them all in my life for so long.
...that is is warm enough for me to wear my birkenstocks again!
...that i still get signals from the angels...as i am writing this, i have on xm radio from the 40's and the song playing is...''pennies from heaven"...go figure! :)

easy meets sue monk kidd, famous author...

last saturday i was a greeter/volunteer at my church for the appearance of writer sue monk kidd. she is currently on a book tour and came to our church to promote her new book THE MERMAID CHAIR. she is more famous for the first of her fiction books, THE SECRET LIFE OF BEES. she was very well spoken and had a lot of humor. there were a fair number of people there, over 600 they said. my ex-sister-in-law, terre, and i worked together directing people into the building. for being greeters, we could sit on the first 2 rows in the church, but we ended up sitting in the back. the women's group at the church had put together little gift bags with water, a honey stick, and cd's and information from the church. bruce and chris, the two major church band leaders, led the group in singing "amazing grace" and it was sort of like the hallelujah chorus with all of those people singing. after she spoke and answered questions, she also signed books. i had her sign atlee's copy of THE SECRET LIFE OF BEES. i ended up buying THE MERMAID CHAIR and having her sign that as well, and i am going to give it to the school. she was very gracious, very southern, and very relaxed. i heard that before she spoke, she was a bit reserved, but after sammy, the minister, and susan hudgins (who brought her to the church) had spoken, she relaxed a bit. good for her! good for everyone. it is always nice to be able to meet literary people.

spring break

we have, mercifully, been out of school on spring break this week, and boy, did i need the down time. unfortunately, i am never satisfied unless i get 12,000 things done, and this week, i didn't come close. i often wonder why i just can't relax and let it flow like water, as my friend meg would say.

i did do a lot of things. today austin and i finally finished planting the tree that we started planting on sunday. i finally found out why i can't get trees to grow in this yard: about 2 feet down is a solid base of clay. we actually used a pickaxe to try and break it up, and even that didn't work much. i finally just bought topsoil and filled it in as best i could. in keeping with the landscaping theme, i also bought the stuff to make another above ground bed for my vegetables, and i bought some snapdragons and petunias and planted them in the window boxes on the porch. yesterday austin and i went up to amelia and pam and i toodled around the farm in the golf cart and picked up rocks for another one of my projects. i had been out on wednesday to a rock place and had priced rocks and decided with my lack of finances, buying rock didn't make much sense. tomorrow i am going to go up to ashland berry farm and look around at what they have and other than great big greenhouse, i will be close to finishing round one of my nursery and plants circuit. i have been looking at pictures in my books and on the internet of some possible projects, including another fountain, and i am thinking that i am going to make a few of them. i can make an above ground fountain that might be pretty cool. i just don't know exactly where i can put it, but i am thinking about it. right now, it is just a big pile of rock in the front yard, an idea waiting to happen. tomorrow i am hoping to finally get the tiller going and to dig up the backyard bed that i want to do as phase 3 of the 5 year plan. i am not sure exactly what i am going to do yet, but i guess if i at least dig up the dirt, that will force me on to something!

there wasn't much travel this week, although i had hoped idealistically to do a day trip with austin. we did go to the beach to visit with mom and dad. mom had made barbecue and the aunties came out for dinner and visited with us. we spent the night and went back on tuesday. we stopped at trader joe's in newport news and bought guacamole and marinara sauce and then we stopped at the pottery, where i bought some plants and checked things out. the only other traveling done was up to amelia yesterday, where austin and carter hung out and went to wal-mart, a first actually, in that austin went off in a car for the first time with a teen. it was good for him, as the two of them talked apparently about girls and their mutual problems with girls that they like, but who won't take an interest in them because they are their "buddies" and therefore aren't candidates for anything more. we ended up eating hamburgers there, and carter and i sat out on the new outdoors porch and played guitars. i taught him how to play the beatles "blackbird" and while we played, austin amused himself by throwing sticks at squirrels in the big old oak tree in the backyard. he actually hit one of them in the ass, which was pretty funny. what was more funny is how completely asinine he was throwing stick after stick, over and over, just like a damned golden retriever! small minds, easily gratified.

i have managed to get some house chores done such as scrubbing the kitchen floors, cleaning out the refrigerator, replacing the lightbulbs that had burned out all over the house and doing laundry. there are plenty of things to finish, such as running the sweeper. i am also finishing up jen chamber's kayaking pottery piece, which has to have a sealant put inside so it doesn't leak.

one of the things i have gotten hooked on this week is communing with the ducks and fish. i have walked out to the berm and fed the fish most nights, and have seen turtles a couple of times. it is very peaceful out there. my cattails and lily pads are coming in, and that is good. i have been buying some seeds and need to get them planted, something that has been on the agenda for weeks. i need to move the dead plants outside (moved the two trees today) and then get going with the seedlings.

pam and i decided to fly to albuequerque in june and then go up to pagosa springs. taylor got the tickets with his american express points and i am going to try and get the rental car with my points. we now need to start planning what we are going to do. i can't believe that i will actually get a second chance at new mexico after having missed it last year. one of the things pam and i are doing is to go to four corners and also to mesa verde national park where the cliff dwellings are. beyond that, i am not sure what we are going to do, other than this trip takes us north vs. the last trip which was to the south.

the power of friends

i was a greeter at church yesterday, the first time i had ever done anything like that, and i enjoyed it. it forced me to introduce myself to people i don't know and to be a bit jolly. i also got to talk to some of the people i sort of know, and one of them ended up sitting with me during church, which was nice, as i was alone.

sammy's sermon was the second one in a series called "THE POWER OF LOVE" and this week he concentrated on friendships. i have had a lot of reason to be thinking about that from numerous angles.

i am not much on making new friends, and probably it is because when i have done that in recent years, i always get burned. it is hard for me to fathom sometimes that there are levels in friendships and most definitely walls that can't be crossed. most of the new friends i have made have been through austin's baseball teams. many of these people have been around for years, and you get used to them and sort of close because you are spending so much time together. but there are dynamics that are sometimes weird and a lot of dangers.

austin's recent fight with chris is one example. chris' mother, gwen, and i are friends (or were) above and beyond the boys, who really don't like each other. i have always realized how gwen was about chris and i respected that, along with her prejudices and fears about a lot of things that i found in some cases amusing. i think she sort of tolerates me, or likes me in certain situations. we had gotten to be pretty good friends, doing stuff together, and i miss her. i know how she is, and i always found that there were just some things that weren't going to change and it was who she is. that is basically one of the things sammy was talking about yesterday. he said that a friend accepts you for who you are and doesn't spend all of her time trying to fix you to be the way she wants you to be. i don't think i ever did that with gwen. despite differences, i like her.

yesterday, for the first time since the boy's fight, i saw her at a baseball game. i waved at her and she ignored me and walked right past me. austin was with me and said "gee, that was cold." it was and it sort of made me very sad. it isn't like i didn't expect it, but i didn't expect that. in any case, that seems to be what is going to be happening for awhile. i am sure at some point we will speak, but it never should have gotten to this point. however, i always knew the one verboten subject was anything having to do with chris' or his behavior. hence, i have let all of this stuff slide for years. but when this fight occured, it couldn't go any further. i asked to have a conference with them at school to discuss it, but it never materialized. austin said that they did come to school for a conference, but i don't know about what or why. i was pretty vocal with austin's teachers via email about my displeasure with the whole setup, and i am still discouraged with the behavior of the adults in this whole mess. you would think the way everyone has done things that this fight was between frazier and ali or mike tyson. never have i seen such petty behavior and "involvement" amongst adults, and i admit to being in it somewhat at the beginning. i have been waiting for things to die on this one, but i keeps lingering. why?

i did get what i perceived as the cold shoulder from some individuals yesterday, and i am not looking forward to what i have to deal with once this middle school baseball season starts.

the big question is why i should even care. i am not mad. i am just discouraged with the way people act. austin saw this first hand yesterday and it made him mad. i don't try and shield him, and i will answer his questions. it also might be good for him to see that adults make mistakes and have a variety of reasons for their behaviors.

we went through the drive thru at burger king after this happened, and i opened up the door and picked up 24 cents in change....angel pennies? i guess i just need to let it go, as it really is out of my hands, and i believe that things happen for a reason.

people make me tired. ducks and cats are easy...

of ducks and fish and life...

the duck dynamics on the pond have changed, and it is interesting. once again, i am struck by how much this situation reflects on real life around me.

first, the ducks are a little more domesticated. they are now sleeping in the yard by the shed and come out when i call them. i have been feeding them bread and the deer corn. i cannot tell who is eating up all of this corn, but i am thinking the deer are making midnight runs. the ducks are chowing down, but won't get any closer to me than about 5 or 6 feet. that's fine. they aren't meant to be pets.

the ducks usually travel in a herd and they fly and wander around the neighborhood. sometimes big austin is not with them. recently i came home and big austin was standing in the backyard quacking miserably, as the other 3 were gone. it was sort of sad! he didn't want any food, only the others. in the morning they were all 4 sunning on the berm. all quackers happy...:)

socially, a few things have changed as well. big austin and mike swim together, and big austin has taking to chasing chris duck, who is still hanging with girl, who doesn't seem interested in any of them. she does her own thing, the others follow her. the boy ducks are fighting more. big austin really goes after chris duck, which is pretty funny. they got into it saturday in the backyard, and when they finished squawking and pecking, they all just sort of relaxed and stood around and groomed themselves! i guess this is more or less how middleschoolers do things...the girl is the center, the boys argue and fight and preen in front of them, then they go and do what they want.

sometimes the ducks are off visiting other places when i come out in the afternoon, so i still go down on the berm and throw bread to the fish. that is interesting, as there are probably 20 or more brim that will come almost up to the shore to feed. they will jump out of the water, and i think they can see me on the shore, for when i move, they scurry away. they return when i stop walking and start throwing the bread! i find this fun, as i have never really seen fish up close like that before, and i find it sort of comforting.

yesterday i worked on the fountain/pond i built in the front yard. i needed to clean it out, replace the plastic tubing on the fountain and generally clean up. i cut all the ornamental grasses back and then refilled the pond. the ducks came wandering up, and before i could get the pond filled, mike was in the pond, ass up! this was a hoot! john, the little 2 year-old next door, and i fed them birdseed out of my feeders and they quacked and kept coming back and forth until dusk. they seemed to take turns diving into the little pond, although god knows what they thought they would find in there! i had dipped all of the muck out, and put my horsetails and bonsai grasses back in and turned up the speed on the water. it is now louder, and certainly more entertaining with mallards swimming in it. imagine a bathtub with ducks...

duck and boy update

my austin is finally out of ISS and seems to be doing ok. somehow the school mediation thing seems to be dragging on, much to my chagrin. i would like to have this chapter over and done with. however, the mediation between austin and chris has not happened yet and seems to be in a stall mode despite my attempts to get it done.

the 4 ducks are still on the pond and have become more animated and interesting. they now come up in the yard and before i went out there yesterday, they were all squatted down by the willow tree just hanging out. i have fed them deer corn as well as the bread and they seem to look forward to it. the social structure, however, has had some changes made.

big austin is chasing mike back, but he and mike still seem to hang together in the pond. chris duck is still all over girl duck, but i am seeing a lot of slinking necks and yapping and spitting at each other. girl duck seems to be the focal point of everything fight oriented. i guess it it mating season. now big austin and mike are chasing chris duck too, so i guess girl duck is fair game, sort of. chris duck seems to be the most interested, and rarely leaves her side, as if he has to guard her from the other two. neither mike or big austin seem to be overly interested in girl duck, but they are still there.

just like life, the social dynamics change as life goes on.