i was a greeter at church yesterday, the first time i had ever done anything like that, and i enjoyed it. it forced me to introduce myself to people i don't know and to be a bit jolly. i also got to talk to some of the people i sort of know, and one of them ended up sitting with me during church, which was nice, as i was alone.
sammy's sermon was the second one in a series called "THE POWER OF LOVE" and this week he concentrated on friendships. i have had a lot of reason to be thinking about that from numerous angles.
i am not much on making new friends, and probably it is because when i have done that in recent years, i always get burned. it is hard for me to fathom sometimes that there are levels in friendships and most definitely walls that can't be crossed. most of the new friends i have made have been through austin's baseball teams. many of these people have been around for years, and you get used to them and sort of close because you are spending so much time together. but there are dynamics that are sometimes weird and a lot of dangers.
austin's recent fight with chris is one example. chris' mother, gwen, and i are friends (or were) above and beyond the boys, who really don't like each other. i have always realized how gwen was about chris and i respected that, along with her prejudices and fears about a lot of things that i found in some cases amusing. i think she sort of tolerates me, or likes me in certain situations. we had gotten to be pretty good friends, doing stuff together, and i miss her. i know how she is, and i always found that there were just some things that weren't going to change and it was who she is. that is basically one of the things sammy was talking about yesterday. he said that a friend accepts you for who you are and doesn't spend all of her time trying to fix you to be the way she wants you to be. i don't think i ever did that with gwen. despite differences, i like her.
yesterday, for the first time since the boy's fight, i saw her at a baseball game. i waved at her and she ignored me and walked right past me. austin was with me and said "gee, that was cold." it was and it sort of made me very sad. it isn't like i didn't expect it, but i didn't expect that. in any case, that seems to be what is going to be happening for awhile. i am sure at some point we will speak, but it never should have gotten to this point. however, i always knew the one verboten subject was anything having to do with chris' or his behavior. hence, i have let all of this stuff slide for years. but when this fight occured, it couldn't go any further. i asked to have a conference with them at school to discuss it, but it never materialized. austin said that they did come to school for a conference, but i don't know about what or why. i was pretty vocal with austin's teachers via email about my displeasure with the whole setup, and i am still discouraged with the behavior of the adults in this whole mess. you would think the way everyone has done things that this fight was between frazier and ali or mike tyson. never have i seen such petty behavior and "involvement" amongst adults, and i admit to being in it somewhat at the beginning. i have been waiting for things to die on this one, but i keeps lingering. why?
i did get what i perceived as the cold shoulder from some individuals yesterday, and i am not looking forward to what i have to deal with once this middle school baseball season starts.
the big question is why i should even care. i am not mad. i am just discouraged with the way people act. austin saw this first hand yesterday and it made him mad. i don't try and shield him, and i will answer his questions. it also might be good for him to see that adults make mistakes and have a variety of reasons for their behaviors.
we went through the drive thru at burger king after this happened, and i opened up the door and picked up 24 cents in change....angel pennies? i guess i just need to let it go, as it really is out of my hands, and i believe that things happen for a reason.
people make me tired. ducks and cats are easy...
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