is my work here completed? am i in a wind down phase? what am i supposed to do next?
to answer the first question, i would say that i have completed mission #1, which had something to do with be a support system for MJ. this is not to say that i didn't learn anything from the long trip over the years. i have. i realized a lot about my need to be important to someone, or not to be as the case may be. Where has that old friend gone...on to her own life, finally. I don't feel the need to be there anymore. as far as friends go, this was never a relationship of equals. it was more of me being the fierce guardian angel, one who hoped at point i would be recognized as having some important value in her life. that is not the case, and really, it never really was. regardless, it has taken me 35 years to be ok with what it was all about, and i have flown away from that spot.
more than that first mission, i have thought for awhile that i have completed the second, most important mission, which was to be some sort of guide for my son. i don't feel that i have failed in that mission, only that part of it is having to fly away from that spot and observe, not participate. separation is hard for anything that you do. most definitely hard for me. i am sort of wandering into a wilderness that seems both familiar and distant. i am not scared per se. i am just sort of tired and willing to move on.
i like this song for its majesty. the video shows that. the song is a good reflection of my thoughts.
Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes, opens his eyes
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
And how did I ever fade
Into this life, into this life
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day
Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes
It's in front of your eyes
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day
Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes
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