What you didn’t know about ANN REEVES and what I have learned from her!
My association with the illustrious Ann Reeves began approximately 40 years ago. On the first day I met her, I learned a lesson about GENETICS. I was amazed at how much Cindy looked like her mother. And in consequent years, I learned about cloning when I met Ann’s mother, who was from Baltimore. It was amazing how all three of these women looked alike! It was also amazing how great a geneticist she is, as she managed to create a child who looked like her through ADOPTION. My first lesson at being stupid..
Things you don’t know about ANN…
1) She created the FOOD NETWORK. How do I know that? Well, she is a meal planner. I found out this in 1972 when I ate lunch with Cindy and MJ Kelly. MJ was guaranteed to have some sort of exotic lunch food, like granola or tuna fish in a small thermos. For me, tuna fish for lunch and in a PLASTIC SMALL THERMOS was foreign, but the true lunch wonder was CINDY’S lunch. Food network meal planning: Cindy had 4 course lunches! I was eating mystery meat from the cafeteria, but Cindy! She had Chef Ann packing for her. This is where I learned that CEREAL IN A BOX IS ITS OWN FOOD GROUP! This is where I learned that Fritos came in little individual bags! This is where I learned that you could have DESSERT in a small, individualized packet! And CINDY LEARNED TOO! The miniature Mohr men have grown up knowing that COLD CEREAL IS THE BOMB! IT CAN BE EATEN FOR DINNER! AND AT NIGHT! AND IN THE CAR! Who was responsible for starting this food movement? ANN REEVES!!! 1974
2) Ann has a great appreciation for music! How do I know? I frequently brought my guitar to her house and sang homemade bad songs and ANN LIKED IT!!! Cindy had a piano! And she could play it! I could only marvel. And get this…It was at Ann Reeves house that I held in my hands the only BUDDY HOLLY AND THE CRICKETS original album! Who knew Ann was a devoted scholar of early rock and roll? She must have passed that on to Cindy, who thought I WAS A GREAT MUSICIAN!! You go, ANN! And by the way, I expect that album to be willed to me when you go to the great Woodstock in the sky!
3) Ann is a financial planner. She early on invested in the U. S. Postal Service. How do I know? Because Ann is only one of Three people that I know who still use the Postal Service, otherwise known as Snail Mail. I know this because she is one of the only persons who still sends me Xmas and Birthday cards, in particular Birthday Cards. I have always relished looking for the Ann Reeves card amongst the credit card applications, 20% off discount cards from Bed, Bath and Beyond, and past due notices from my many doctors. However, considering the state of the Postal Service today, I am sure Ann has wisely decided to cut her losses and no longer invest in that stock. So, here, Ann is your excuse for NOT sending me a birthday card this year!
4) Ann taught work ethic! Cindy was the only person I knew who had a job and worked it…forever…They had to finally CLOSE LaVogue in the Cloverleaf Mall before she left there! As a result, Cindy had nice clothes, her own car, and learned the fine art of dealing with fashionistas and their whining with a smile. I learned that working at LaVogue was better than being a waitress at Lord Hardwickes, and that working during the school year AND taking advanced classes was a possibility. Balance! Something Cindy had that I did not!
5) I learned about the fine art of family planning from the REEVES! This translates into this: ONE CHILD IS GOOD!! ONE CHILD IS ENOUGH! I am thinking “Look how well adjusted Cindy is! She is happy! She loves her parents and never, ever bitches about them! She knows her heritage (Can you say Tangier Island?) She smiles a lot! She can do MATH!!! So I attempted to follow this family planning model. Ann MUST have been much better trained at this. I, too, only have ONE CHILD. And he is good at Math! And he is happy…However, he has the attention span of a hamster, and his idea of heritage is knowing who his immediate relatives are! Cindy was NOT an athlete, which was probably a wise choice on the part of Ann and Bill NOT to get her into sports. I failed to catch that particular lesson on child rearing, as I have spent most of my adult parenting time enjoying the fine art of using a port-o-potty at any of 10 gazillion ball fields and I can tell you all about a splitter, a fastball’s velocity, and how much of an ass Brian O’Connor, the head baseball coach at UVA, is. Ann was spared these experiences…oh, how I sometimes wish I had studied her parenting skill a little closer! I should have DONE THE MATH! Cindy tutors children in math, and I have a child who was two years ahead of his own grade in math, but is majoring in baseball and couldn’t find his ass with two hands…
6) Ann Reeves invented the instant cocktail! It was called BRASS MONKEY. I never understood why anyone would call a drink Brass Monkey until I experienced it at the Reeves bar before a hockey game. I recall this alcoholic moment with great clarity, one of the few times that I had ANY clarity when consuming alcohol. Ann and Bill had invited Tom Mohr and I for dinner. Bill had his usual spot outside grilling some sort of meat and drinking a beer. In between flipping burgers, he and I would engage in meaningful conversation, which consisted of Bill saying “When you gonna get married?” And me saying something like “Hell, I don’t know.” In any case, Ann fixed me this wonderful drink, which knocked me off my socks. Cindy, Tom and I went to the Richmond Robins hockey game, where I learned that hockey was very confusing to watch when you are drunk. So I went to sleep between innings, or quarters, or whatever the hell they call it when the Zamboni comes out and shines the ice. This is where I am convinced that Ann was clairvoyant. She knew Tom was right for Cindy. So she got me drunk so I wouldn’t be able to talk, and the normally quiet Cindy had no choice but to talk to Tom. Ann took me out of the picture, created a love match for her daughter, and I got a good nap and never went to another damned hockey game again!
7) Ann Reeves has taught me kindness, generosity, and humor! I have to say that being able to hang out with the Reeves gave me another whole view of what a happy family can be! I learned a lot about how a loving parent can create a great kid by being interested, supportive, loving. The Reeves gave Cindy all the tools to be a great person. This was a good thing to see and a good thing to remember. I have a quirky relationship with my son, but he does tell me secrets. I know WAY too much stuff that would send most parents into a tailspin, but I have to think that part of that is that I listen and I know Ann did the same with Cindy. I know that Ann is, to me, the epitome of the grand Southern Lady! So I am gifting her with a new way to spend her Mint Julep years! It is called FIREFLY…alcohol infused tea! You can sit outside on a nice night, make yourself a nice stiff drink disguised as TEA, and watch the fireflies! How Lovely! I salute you, ANN, the lovely Southern lady!
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