i forgot i could write...

tonight i went back and reread the blog i wrote in 2006 about my adventures in new mexico and colorado with pam.

that was a truly enjoyable road trip, and i had forgotten much of what i had done. as i read, however, i came to appreciate the fact that i am a good writer. at times i laughed out loud. at times i smiled to myself because i knew as i read it that it was quality work.

as i type away tonight on this blog, i realize that i do still have the potential to go back to writing well. i am very rusty. really rusty, actually. i don't feel much of a flow going as far as creativity is concerned. but i am also open to the concept that i have to start writing something, anything, on a more regular basis. if i practice, i may get my chops back.

sometimes i think about my love for music when i was younger and my absolute need for years to play my guitar and sing everyday. for a long time i routinely played at least 2 hours daily, and that included after i got out of college and was working. it was part of who i was at the time.

and now the guitars are hanging up on the wall, and playing them is surely not quite the pleasure it once was because i REALLY am out of shape in that area. but i do pick them up every once in a blue moon, stand around playing along with the records, singing. i know that doing that does make me sort of happy. it also makes me a little sad to know i won't probably ever be able to be as good or as passionate about this as i was as a kid. i have a tendency after awhile to sigh and put the guitar back up, sort of sad, sort of mellow, sort of tired, sort of happy. i can't imagine what it would be like to be a performer at my age, especially when your voice starts to go a bit, your guitar playing isn't what it was, isn't as fluid, isn't as crisp. i imagine it would be pretty hard to face that, especially if it defines who you are in your own mind. i didn't pick a profession that had me retiring as a lesser version of who i was in the beginning. that comes from not having a job rooted in a lot of physicality. i have a brain centered career. the more i do, the more i add to my brain, the wiser i could become...well, that is as long as i don't start to have the brain farts on a constant basis! :)

so i will continue to sit in front of computer at 2 a.m. on a friday night listening to old 70's tunes, scratching the rotating parade of cats who are walking in front of the computer monitor, blocking my view, slowing me down, demanding attention. i stretch my neck, yawn, try to find a reason to stay here and keep writing. i would like to just lie down right here and not move. i'd like to stop yawning. i guess i should just stop typing now and go to bed...yes, i think i will. good night, muses of writing.