it's all about numbers, dude...

i went to church today and the message was on getting out of debt. there were a lot of good things mentioned, and i resolved to come home and torture myself with the checkbook. i have now completed that task and only need to finish this blog before i go off and slit my wrists...

seriously though, i am supposed to be relieved and happy that i have done the dirty work and now have a full accounting of my finances, or lack thereof. however, i am not feeling anything but extremely bitchy and irritated. i hate having to balance the checkbook. the good news is that i am doing a lot of the financial stuff tonight that i have put off for months. one of those things is getting all of my medical and other stuff together to do the taxes, the next big disaster. last year i got money back due to all of my medical bills. while i have a number of them this year, i don't think i am going to get much, if anything back. my big hope is that i won't have to pay. i am not sure what i will do if i have to pay. and this is supposed to be bebo's year for the austin tax exemption. in keeping with my drive to increase my child support, i am also hauling out all of my expense records for the last year to get an idea of exactly how much i am spending on my child. i figure that the numbers might be a bit stunning to his father, who thinks that any child can live on 1,087 a month (combined income of both bebo and i that goes towards austin). i guess bebo thinks i am spending my days at neiman-marcus and buying stuff off of the internet with the money. i understand a little of where he is coming from. on paper, that money looks like a lot of bucks. but in reality, that money is used to support the house, utilities, groceries, gas, college fund, health and dental that are necessary to keep austin in the manner that he is accustomed to (which isn't much compared to all of his friends.) it costs me $50 a month just to feed him lunch at school.

so now i am just number gathering and crunching, and maybe this will be good, as it will put me on a budget once i figure out exactly how much i am paying for everything each month. they say numbers don't lie, but they sure can be illusional...