do people actually remember moments in their lives in which they were completely relaxed? i do. they are so few and far between that apparently they burned a video in my brain and i can touch them whenever i want to. however, creating new moments to add to that list has been very, very hard for me to do.
so here is my list:
1) lying in bed in the summer with the window open when we lived in virginia beach on consul avenue. i was looking into the city at the red blinking lights on a distant radio antennae, watching it blink off and on and i was relaxed and felt safe
2) lying in bed, again looking out the window, and finding a distant star, which i knew was a planet. i guess i was about the same age, maybe 4th or 5th grade, same house, same bedroom. i named the planet/star godolphin, after the godolphin arabian horse in marguerite henry's horse book KING OF THE WIND. i spent a few night populating godolphin. who got to go and live there besides me? my stuffed animals. characters from books i had read. me. i don't recall taking any humans that i knew with me.
3) sitting at the edge of a quay in sandbridge the summer of my junior year in college and looking at a huge full moon rising over the ocean. i was never able to find that location again down there, even though is was an unusual place. it wouldn't have been the same anyway without the full moon bright over the water.
4) riding down jefferson davis highway 25 years ago, leaving church's fried chicken one saturday afternoon with rose in her corvette. marvin gaye was singing "to busy thinking 'bout my baby" on the radio and it was spring and cool, but not too cool to not have the windows open and the t-tops out. it was just a moment and i think i said something about it outloud.
5) being drunk, sitting in the water at the end of chesapeake beach by the amphib base fence that separated the base from the rest of the world. it was sunset, i had a 6 pack, and i was alone watching the lights come up on the bay bridge. i didn't want to leave, and i was sitting on the rocks with the beer in the water. i was alone. i did stumble back to the beach house, but as soon as i got with people, the feeling left.
6) in the hot springs 2 summers ago in pagosa springs with chuck, linda and pam. the three of us were on the ledge where the water was falling into the river and we were all holding hands and doing reiki. it was almost dark and i think we were connected like that for almost 30 minutes.
7) same trip two years ago: leaving cortez, colorado and headed towards four corners. we came down from the mountains into the buttes and it was stunningly gorgeous and very spiritual. we took a turn and drove a straight 2 lane road to the four corners and the light was playing in just a right way to make you think that god was there somewhere. we had a nicholas gunn cd in and whenever i hear it, i think of that place.
8) new mexico, again: the jicarillo apache reservation and the trip across the mountain to nevada lake. again, something was there.
9) one spring night in tim revere's apartment on monument avenue. he had earl klugh's "heartstring" album on and "spanish nights" was playing. the window was open, it was an old victorian apartment with hardwood floors and the smell of the gas pilot light wafting through occasionally. the curtains were white and billowing slightly from the window as the breeze came in. i never forgot that moment and bought the album so that when i heard that song, i would relax. it still works. tim wasn't in the room then.
10) brief moments in the spring when i could hear the peeper frogs from the window of our bedroom at melissa paige circle. peeper frogs make me happy.
and there are the moments in my life, most of them by myself i think. interesting.
if only i could create some more of them, i think i would be happier. but i don't know how one does that. they just happen...
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