i am happy to report that this christmas there seems to have been a ceasefire along the battle lines of my life. no grenades, no bombs, no rocket launchers, nothing earthshattering or destructive. having planned for so many weeks to accomodate just about any disaster, i am happy to report that i sit here, alone, on christmas night, and i am very happy.
austin and i went to va. beach on friday morning and had a very pleasant holiday with my family. at occasions holidays and family dynamics can take a turn, and you never know what will tip the balance. this year it seems that my having to completely do a totally new christmas routine with austin and my financial struggles over the last many months have motivated my family to rally around me in a way that i didn't expect. i have spent so much of my life dealing with negatives, that i don't look for positives as often as i should. this would be my christmas lesson this year.
the first act of kindness occured last weekend when i took austin to the beach so that my uncle bert and aunt nancy could take him shopping for dress clothes. he needed nice clothes (pants, dress shirt, tie, shoes, etc.) to wear on basketball game days. i had asked bebo to get him some things, and he did, but not enough. only a pair of pants, a pair of shoes, a tie(ugly) and a shirt. that left me one set of everything short. austin asked for dress clothes for christmas and i relayed this to my parents when they asked what he wanted. this was an unusual request, as austin has never taken much interest in clothes before. my parents and family are all into clothes, and jumped on this opportunity to outfit him, which they did. they are very concerned that he not do without and thus be different from the other kids. both my mother and my uncle truly did do without, and that is why my uncle unexpectedly took this on.
after a shopping spree with my aunt and uncle and another one with my dad, austin came home the proud owner of his first sport jacket, 2 pairs of pants, a belt, socks, 2 dress shirts and matching ties and a very, very expensive pair of nike shox basketball shoes, the kind we never even looked at because there was no way they would happen. he was very proud of all of it. they also bought him athletic shorts and undershirts as well as a sweatshirt. my dad bought him a basketball and another shirt and tie as well as a bag to put his practice stuff in everyday.
austin has worn the dress outfits 3 days in a row. we went to brenda and danny davis' home for a xmas dinner on thursday night, and he decided to dress himself up in the sports jacket, new shirt and his beloved shoes. they were quite taken aback (as was i) that he did it. their daughter, olivia, has been one of austin's truest friends since 3rd grade and always looks out after him! i think she was hugely shocked at him dressed all up at a dinner that didn't require it! they are used to seeing him in his everyday outfit of jeans and a virginia tech sweatshirt!
friday night was our night to have xmas with "the aunties," my father's two elderly sisters. again, austin decided he wanted to dress up. my dad had ordered him bass loafers off of the internet (he is in a size 14 shoe, and we are now into a whole new realm when it comes to purchasing shoes). he put on the whole outfit again, this time with the new shoes and dress pants. he looked very grown up and handsome, and it thrilled my parents and brother and i as well to see him so excited about looking nice! then last night we went out to dinner with my mother's family to zia maria italian restaurant. austin went whole hog, including the tie, so that aunt nancy and uncle bert could see him in an outfit that they had purchased. today for xmas he got casual clothes from me and from my parents (sweats, t shirts) and my dad gave him a shoe shine box/kit. inside was the shoe brush that belonged to my grandfather. it had been passed down to my brother, who in turn gave it to austin for xmas. he showed austin how to shine the shoes, and he also helped him learn how to tie his tie, something i just can't do. austin also got an i-pod shuffle from toddy and lots of other things. i think he left feeling very loved and adored. he knew that they had all pitched in to make a nice xmas for him.
i could not have done any of these things for him. i don't think any of them had any idea about the financial situation, but they wanted to help. it is hard as a parent not to be able to do for you kid as you would like. but i have had to learn to let go these past few weeks about that, because that is what family is for. at 49 years old, it is very humbling, and i never thought i would ever be in this position. it is also hard because this last year has been so fraught with challenges and changes, and i wasn't able to do what i wanted to do for austin. he rarely asks me for much, but i try to get him whatever he asks for when he asks for it. but i just could not buy these clothes, and i let the others do it. they seemed to derive a great deal of pleasure out of it, and i have to be happy at that. what i did try and do was to express my thankfulness to all of them as often as i could.
austin wasn't the only person who had a nice christmas this year. my parents bought me a lot of clothing and things that i just don't have. i haven't bought for myself and have more or less been recycling what clothing i had left over from the years. i got 2 pairs of nice shoes, a pocketbook, a pair of pants and several turtle neck sweaters. mom and dad had bought me 3 nice sweaters and a pair of pants, but only one sweater fit. i went back to the mall yesterday and bought a pair of brown pants, an orange shirt and a black sweater. as a surprise on friday, my mother took me to have my hair cut and frosted! that was a real treat, as i have needed (badly, i might add) a haircut, and frosting, due to the expense, wasn't ever a part of the equation. i am blond for the first time in a long, long time! they also bought me an i-pod shuffle as well!
my parents also cooked food that they knew we liked, things from childhood like orange cinnamon rolls and my grandmother's potato salad. my dad made pumpkin soup with chili cream and roasted pumpkin seeds on top for austin, and mom made lots of pies and cookies (which i didn't eat) as well as a ham and the strata casserole that we have had traditionally for all of austin's life. they wanted to make everything nice and happy and special, and they did just that.
i got gifts from bebo's family as well: a bunch of nice things, including gloves and a sweater from doris, lavendar bath oils and things from mae, and a nice sweater from terre. austin gave me coathangers (i keep stealing his!), a covered coffee mug, and a $25 gift certificate to barnes and nobles! i saved all the gifts i had been given prior to xmas and didn't open them until this afternoon. my gift to the cats was leaving the wrapping paper on the floor, which they have proceeded to distribute all over my san francisco room! my next door neighbors brought me cookies and invited me to dinner (i was invited by several people, but opted to just stay home.) an hour or so later both amy and bruce showed up on my doorstep with my christmas dinner, which was my own personal chicken :) - i have never eaten a cornish hen myself! there were other things on the plate, but i was fascinated by the prospect of having my own personal chicken! i have had several phone calls from friends and have spoken to bebo's sister and mother today. all in all, things have turned out fine, and i am perfectly ok being by myself and am enjoying reading my sunday ny times and drinking wawa tea...:) i have a lot to think about and be thankful for!
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