we continue to suffer under the wacky weather syndrome here in virginia. i feel like i have been in the meteorological black hole for the last 10 days. last weekend i took austin to myrtle beach, SC, where the weather alternated between cold (40 degrees and lower on both nights, and we were outside playing baseball) to 70 and thunderstorms during the day on sunday. then driving home to richmond that night we encountered thunderstorms complete with lightning, only to arrive in richmond and go into a huge cold plunge which resulted in not one, but two, days of wintry weather that left us at home instead of in school. i have enjoyed the days off, and have spent them alternating between sleeping and being productive.
the ice and snow were pretty and i do enjoy the colder weather. last night i spent an hour or so outside by myself replacing bulbs on the strings of xmas lights that are part of our annual tacky xmas light extravaganza. i was alone and restringing, and had some time to myself to just think and listen. it was pretty cold and relatively quiet, which seemed to contrast with the bright lights of the front yard. it seems like that, and the rapidly varying weather, have been a pretty good metaphor for my life over the last couple of weeks. i feel like i go from sunshine to ice at a rapid clip, just like the weather yesterday, which was sleet and frozen rain at 7 am, only to disappear into cold sunshine by 10 am.
while in myrtle beach i had some weird health stuff happen, just dizziness and feeling anxious which i think was just an anxiety attack. it weirded me out, though, and i was very tentative physically and mentally for a couple of days. i just didn't feel solid, secure. the early dismissal for snow on monday, the day off on tuesday, and the late opening on wednesday gave me enough time to sort of come to grips a bit. there have been a lot of changes and stressful things over the course of the fall. nothing overly earthshattering, but enough to catch up with me. it did. not like i didn't expect it would, but anxiety attacks are never something you look forward to. most people flee from them with an intensity that you can't summon up in any other part of your life. my attacks take the form of almost a seizure, which is embarrassing and humorous all at the same time. i can feel them coming on usually, and just lay down and let them go. this time i made a point of giving it over to a higher power. for many, many years i used to believe that when i had these episodes, it was my body's way of releasing tension and sort of exploding. however, since becoming a reiki master, i have changed my view of this, and i now believe that the opposite, in fact, is occurring. i think i am exhausted mentally and it is draining me physically to the point where i begin to spiral out of control. i think that when these attacks occur, they are an infusion of high energy from those looking out for me. last year when i was so sick for 6 weeks, i thought that the reiki i was doing on myself wasn't working. in fact, i know now that it was what kept me alive. i expected the reiki to heal me, but instead it kept the infection at bay long enough for me to finally get the doctor's to believe me when i asked for their help. the antibiotic doctor said he had no explanation as to why i did not become septic or get peritonitis. it didn't seem possible that i could have leaked from my stomach into my abdominal cavity in two places over 6 weeks and NOT get deathly ill. but i know the answer, and it was simple. there is more work for me to do.
so i endure the stuff of life, not always all that well, but i am at least aware of it. i will continue to cover up and disrobe according to the sunshine and ice around here, weatherwise and lifewise.
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