i am thinking that yesterday had to be one of the nastier days i have had in a long time. it began with the news that six of our students had been involved in a car accident the night before. of the six, three were my students. one i taught last year, the other two i am currently teaching. the female student went home from the hospital yesterday, and the rest of the students, with one exception, are home with injuries. however, one, stephen, has been on a ventilator and life support since the accident and he is touch and go. he has multiple injuries to his body..."Multiple facial fractures, Right leg fractures, Bilateral lung injury/ chest tubes, aortic injury. So far, no cervical or spinal injuries, able to move everything." (from a email from the parent of a student who has been in the hospital with the family and is a nurse) he has had several surgeries in the last 24 hours, including a rod in the leg and this afternoon he was to have more surgery on his head. they have him in a medical coma and paralyzed and getting medication to create amnesia from the accident on. things are touch and go. however, the longer we go, i guess the better it is.
when i found this out, i just lost it. call it old age, menopause, or just being a silly woman. in any case, i just put my head down on the table and cried. i can still cry now, but not in the same way. what i was told yesterday morning was that it didn't look good, period.
as i was going into the office to confirm the information, i found an angel penny right at the door. i knew i was going to need it.
i spent most of the lst block getting my act together, and when i went to 2nd block, there were crying kids in there, which started me crying too. i left briefly to heat up my tea, and when i returned, the kids in that class had scattered pennies all around the room, lots of them, to cheer me up. i was really touched. one of the kids in the accident is in that class, so there were a lot of emotions going. in any case, we collected all of the pennies, and i decided that we couldn't do anything for stephen or the others short of collecting the angel pennies and giving them out. so today, i brought in a funky chili salsa bowl and we put pennies in for stephen and his family and the other kids. the rules were if you needed an angel, take a penny; if you had friends who needed an angel, take one and give it away. if you wanted to give an angel, drop a penny in. yesterday i had kids coming and taking pennies, even after school. a few kids dropped in quarters...25 angels in their view! :) i told the kids to spread the word, and they have. so we are collecting pennies in hopes that they will comfort those who need it, and if things don't work the way we wish for stephen, that the angels will help him cross and help those who love him.
yesterday just sucked, period. i had a tremendous headache, but had to stay at school to do grades, and i didn't leave until almost 7pm. i had to track down austin, who got a ride with hank and almost got into an accident himself when some idiot pulled out in traffic at a stoplight and almost hit hank. i got the email from the nurse parent, asking me to tell staff not to go to the hospital or contact the family. i forwarded it to staff, and broke about 9,000 privacy laws in school and elsewhere. i don't think about all that legal crap, and i was only thinking that they should know that his parents wanted privacy. i got called on it, but i moved on. by the time i got home, my headache was blinding, austin was home, and he reluctantly fixed supper and by 8PM i was in the bed. at 2am i heard the car alarm going off in the driveway. austin has apparently fallen asleep yet again on the couch and when he woke up to come to bed, he stepped on my keys which were on the stairs, and set off the alarm. that was fun. and then i woke up today and heard that hillary had won the ohio and texas primaries. sigh. well, that made yesterday just a bang up waste of time, so it was time to move on, and....
...today was better and i feel better about things. i did not have the headache this morning, austin got up and wasn't a problem, a former student of mine came to see me to have me fill out a recommendation for him to teach and take teaching classes at JMU. i got to visit with eric and he told me that i was the reason that he had decided to be a teacher and not a businessman. the kids did the pennies, we had good class discussions today on OF MICE AND MEN, and i got to come home right after school because austin was going to bebo's tonight, a rare treat for me not to have to go back out once i get home. in my heart, i feel ok about stephen. i don't feel like right now is his time to go. i don't know what that means really, other than when bad is about to happen, i generally know or get some sort of premontion about it. yesterday it did not feel good at all. but when i got the email yesterday saying exactly what had happened to him, i somehow felt like it was manageable. don't know why, or what that word will turn out to mean.
so i will continue to go about look for pennies and collecting them for the family...
easy
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Sunday, March 2, 2008
the fibro fight goes on...:)
i am up early today, on sunday, hoping that i can get the body and the brain in sync! i want to do a lot of things, but it is getting harder and harder to do that, and i am really frustrated about it!
what is with old age anyway? :) this situation with me has gotten really silly, and now a little worrisome. i was home from school thursday and friday with the migraines, again. i think it was just the headaches and hormones. i went to the chiro and they worked on me for 1 1/2 hours to no avail. to his credit, they tried everything...realigning the back, sacro-cranial massage, laser trigger point therapy on the headache trigger spots on my body (hand, wrist, knee), the rolling machine on my back (after cracking it) and ice therapy for my head. they were going to do acupuncture, but i felt like i was going to puke, so i headed back home and to bed, where i more or less stayed for 2 days.
the back is a mess and won't get better. now it is just a plan of maintenance: daily exercises and trips to the chiro and trying not to do anything that makes stuff worse! the problem is, i want to be able to do things like prune my bushes outside or scrub down stuff in the house. but i get so exhausted or start to hurt, and then it is all over. austin could be doing more, but then again, he is a kid and i hate to have to burden him too much. however, things need to be happening in this house, and he blows in and blows out with the cell phone and his agenda. i am left being the taxi driver and facilitator to his schedule...:)
the joke with this fibro is now i do not know if i am really sick or not. in january i thought i just had a cold, and then i went to the doctor (a new one, because my old one shut down her practice in a 2 week period and i had to have a doctor to get prescriptions on my meds renewed). ended up on antibiotics because i was actually sick and really didn't know it. in october when i went to the doctor, i had a lot of work done and that was when they discovered the vitamin d deficiency. (i was a 7 on the scale, with 32 being the bottom end of it...hmmm) my back was out and i didn't know it until the chiro guy said i had no reflexes in my legs (same situation a couple of weeks ago when i went back and discovered the same all over again.)
basically, i am in pain all the time and now i don't know if it is just fibro or something else. i have ignored most of my physical symptoms over the years and written them off as fibro, which can't be cured. but now i guess i will just have to pay more attention, and more money i guess with trips to the doctors! the back issues is a compressed disk with 3 bone spurs in the neck that makes my hands tingle and go numb. the lower back issue is a pinched nerve in the lower area. unfortunately, this nerve is connected to nerves in my bladder and lower body, further weakening them and creating an ongoing problem with control. i have pretty much resigned myself to that issue, as there just isn't anything i can do about it. it could be a source of major worry and embarrassment, or it can just be life. i choose to say it is life, and move on. suffice to say, i spend way too much time scrabbling like a crab for the bathroom!
the good news is that i am doing the vitamin therapy daily (or as much as i can) with the stuff from dr. teitelbaum in annapolis, md. it is a combination of lots of minerals and vitamins in the proportions necessary for people with fibro + a mega b complex vitamin. i am taking my regular D and E megadoses as well as the regular calcium and vitamin chews daily. when i take the energy revitalizer stuff over a couple of days, i do feel a little more peppy. however, it tastes nasty and it is hard to drink it when you mix it up. doing the exercises, however, is a struggle because it just hurts. but i have to do it to keep on walking. however, i do have an exercise program and i am trying to do what i can. i just need an attitude adjustment. not having snow again this year did not give me the mental downtime that i needed. however, the cats have been very supportive, hanging out with me at every place i go, pointing out when hil and bill are at the bird feeder. (unfortunately, however, the cats are all shedding right now, and the house looks like an explosion in a mattress factory...)
menopause is not exactly helping matters either, and i am frustrated with that as well. i think the headaches are chemical, as are my rantings and ravings i guess (austin just calls these moments me being "psycho bitch")
sleeping for 2 days with the headache was probably a good thing, as the chronic fatigue was really getting me and that causes the fibrofog ("where am i? why did i go to the closet? what am i supposed to be doing?)
i keep having to remind myself that having this disease has its pluses, and i know that. i just have moments where i just get too tired to carry on. then i find an angel penny (or in the case of my students, the hide them and leave them all over the room for me to find, and that is uplifting that they would think to do that). i look at my little birds on the deck and feel better, or sit on the deck and look at my pond, or sit on the front porch on the swing and listen to the waterfall in the little pond. the winds blow a bit, and the sun hits things just right and i feel better and part of something a bit bigger, and things for then get alright in the world...
what is with old age anyway? :) this situation with me has gotten really silly, and now a little worrisome. i was home from school thursday and friday with the migraines, again. i think it was just the headaches and hormones. i went to the chiro and they worked on me for 1 1/2 hours to no avail. to his credit, they tried everything...realigning the back, sacro-cranial massage, laser trigger point therapy on the headache trigger spots on my body (hand, wrist, knee), the rolling machine on my back (after cracking it) and ice therapy for my head. they were going to do acupuncture, but i felt like i was going to puke, so i headed back home and to bed, where i more or less stayed for 2 days.
the back is a mess and won't get better. now it is just a plan of maintenance: daily exercises and trips to the chiro and trying not to do anything that makes stuff worse! the problem is, i want to be able to do things like prune my bushes outside or scrub down stuff in the house. but i get so exhausted or start to hurt, and then it is all over. austin could be doing more, but then again, he is a kid and i hate to have to burden him too much. however, things need to be happening in this house, and he blows in and blows out with the cell phone and his agenda. i am left being the taxi driver and facilitator to his schedule...:)
the joke with this fibro is now i do not know if i am really sick or not. in january i thought i just had a cold, and then i went to the doctor (a new one, because my old one shut down her practice in a 2 week period and i had to have a doctor to get prescriptions on my meds renewed). ended up on antibiotics because i was actually sick and really didn't know it. in october when i went to the doctor, i had a lot of work done and that was when they discovered the vitamin d deficiency. (i was a 7 on the scale, with 32 being the bottom end of it...hmmm) my back was out and i didn't know it until the chiro guy said i had no reflexes in my legs (same situation a couple of weeks ago when i went back and discovered the same all over again.)
basically, i am in pain all the time and now i don't know if it is just fibro or something else. i have ignored most of my physical symptoms over the years and written them off as fibro, which can't be cured. but now i guess i will just have to pay more attention, and more money i guess with trips to the doctors! the back issues is a compressed disk with 3 bone spurs in the neck that makes my hands tingle and go numb. the lower back issue is a pinched nerve in the lower area. unfortunately, this nerve is connected to nerves in my bladder and lower body, further weakening them and creating an ongoing problem with control. i have pretty much resigned myself to that issue, as there just isn't anything i can do about it. it could be a source of major worry and embarrassment, or it can just be life. i choose to say it is life, and move on. suffice to say, i spend way too much time scrabbling like a crab for the bathroom!
the good news is that i am doing the vitamin therapy daily (or as much as i can) with the stuff from dr. teitelbaum in annapolis, md. it is a combination of lots of minerals and vitamins in the proportions necessary for people with fibro + a mega b complex vitamin. i am taking my regular D and E megadoses as well as the regular calcium and vitamin chews daily. when i take the energy revitalizer stuff over a couple of days, i do feel a little more peppy. however, it tastes nasty and it is hard to drink it when you mix it up. doing the exercises, however, is a struggle because it just hurts. but i have to do it to keep on walking. however, i do have an exercise program and i am trying to do what i can. i just need an attitude adjustment. not having snow again this year did not give me the mental downtime that i needed. however, the cats have been very supportive, hanging out with me at every place i go, pointing out when hil and bill are at the bird feeder. (unfortunately, however, the cats are all shedding right now, and the house looks like an explosion in a mattress factory...)
menopause is not exactly helping matters either, and i am frustrated with that as well. i think the headaches are chemical, as are my rantings and ravings i guess (austin just calls these moments me being "psycho bitch")
sleeping for 2 days with the headache was probably a good thing, as the chronic fatigue was really getting me and that causes the fibrofog ("where am i? why did i go to the closet? what am i supposed to be doing?)
i keep having to remind myself that having this disease has its pluses, and i know that. i just have moments where i just get too tired to carry on. then i find an angel penny (or in the case of my students, the hide them and leave them all over the room for me to find, and that is uplifting that they would think to do that). i look at my little birds on the deck and feel better, or sit on the deck and look at my pond, or sit on the front porch on the swing and listen to the waterfall in the little pond. the winds blow a bit, and the sun hits things just right and i feel better and part of something a bit bigger, and things for then get alright in the world...
Saturday, March 1, 2008
A Tale of Three Squirrels...
as an english teacher, i think in analogies...and this morning, my son, who is reading A TALE OF TWO CITIES will get the american version,... A TALE OF THREE SQUIRRELS! so, without further ado, i present to you the ELLEN version from someone who has nothing else better to do with her time...(i came up with this while writing kathy, so you will get the story without a beginning...)
... i will just stay here in my POS house on the pond and continue to shoot squirrels with austin's air soft gun (my newest secret pleasure. i hate a damned squirrel...) i know it is not PC to shoot squirrels, but i don't kill them, and besides, they deserve to be binged in the ass every once in awhile. picture this...those fat MF's sit on my deck and rummage through the birdseed for the sunflower seeds. i didn't buy the damned birdseed even for the pretty birds..i bought it for the little underdog, nondescript birds, sparrows, chicadees, finches. but i have the bill clinton squirrel up there merrily eating away and DUMPING the rest of the stuff on the deck. i picked up about 5 handfuls of the seed the other day just to put it back. fat mo-fo bill invites hillary and the rest of the lobbyist squirrels up to feast on my deck, and when i try and scare them away, they LAUGH at me and make a half hearted attempt to leave the deck, but NOT scared because they know the squirrel lobby is way too numerous and powerful. i can't do ANYTHING about it because they will just come back and get what they want when i am not watching. the next thing i know, 10 minutes later they are back, and they have brought their friends. who do i shoot? i am loading up the gun with little plastic pellets, can't see shit, can't see the cats that i am tripping over who are wishing me well, and i slowly open the slide door about 2 inches to stick the gun out and aim. of course, i miss the first shot. bill looks at me and says, hmmm, i think someone is doing something interesting, and the second shot, i hit him in the ass. THEN bill moves. however, hillary is on a part of the deck that i cannot get a clean shot at, and she continues to eat away, BECAUSE SHE CAN AND IT IS HER RIGHT! SHE EARNED IT! SHE HAS BEEN FOLLOWING BILL TO THE BIRDFEEDER ALL THIS TIME, EVEN AFTER HE HAS INTRODUCED THE FEEDER TO MONICA, PAULA, AND GENA FLOWERS! hillary will NOT be shot off the bird feeder! she has positioned herself at a better angle and can't be hit. she is hiding BEHIND the feeder!
BUT WAIT! A SAVIOR TO THE RESCUE OF ALL THE LITTLE BIRDS! LOW AND BEHOLD...IT IS ...
OBAMA THE BLACK SQUIRREL!
not native to the south, obama squirrel creeps slowly into the yard. he does NOT come to the bird feeders. he stays in the yard and gathers up the chicadee/finch/sparrow delegation of birds. he urges those little birds to TAKE BACK YOUR BIRD FEEDER FROM THE REGULAR SQUIRRELS! slowly but surely, the little birds begin to eat at the feeder. slowly but surely, more and more of them come and stay. they block the bird feeder with their little hineys. they fly over and crap on the hil-billary squirrel collection! barack stays in the middle of the yard and says to the birds 'YES, YOU CAN! YES, YOU CAN!" slowly over the weeks, the birds take back the feeder! they eat, they chatter, they talk! they tell their other friends, the cardinals, bluejays and the other beautiful birds (oprah, ted kennedy, caroline kennedy) come! eat at the feeder! now is your chance!
bill and hillary chatter from the fence, where they occasionally make forays to the deck, all the while looking at the black squirrel in the yard and chattering at him! hillary is particularily angry because she has followed that bill from tree to tree trying to get to the birdfeeder! she has put in 35 YEARS OF SERVICE and SHE HAS EARNED IT! HE HAS HAD HIS CHANCE! IT'S HER TURN AT THE FEEDER! bill is chattering a lot...he knows hilllary will kick his ass out of the nest given a decent chance, and he has gotten fat and grey and ain't quite the grand squirrel poobah he used to be.
black squirrel is not intimidated! he has the AUDACITY OF HOPE...and this is good. however, black squirrel must be careful.he cannot party too much with the birds on the deck! he must be careful. remember, black squirrels are unusual. black squirrels could be moslems, or terrorists, or the anti-christ or just anything but WHITE. so..he best be aware of the giant white dinosaur...hopefully, obama squirrel won't be saying "it is a far, far better thing i do than i have ever done..."
easy
... i will just stay here in my POS house on the pond and continue to shoot squirrels with austin's air soft gun (my newest secret pleasure. i hate a damned squirrel...) i know it is not PC to shoot squirrels, but i don't kill them, and besides, they deserve to be binged in the ass every once in awhile. picture this...those fat MF's sit on my deck and rummage through the birdseed for the sunflower seeds. i didn't buy the damned birdseed even for the pretty birds..i bought it for the little underdog, nondescript birds, sparrows, chicadees, finches. but i have the bill clinton squirrel up there merrily eating away and DUMPING the rest of the stuff on the deck. i picked up about 5 handfuls of the seed the other day just to put it back. fat mo-fo bill invites hillary and the rest of the lobbyist squirrels up to feast on my deck, and when i try and scare them away, they LAUGH at me and make a half hearted attempt to leave the deck, but NOT scared because they know the squirrel lobby is way too numerous and powerful. i can't do ANYTHING about it because they will just come back and get what they want when i am not watching. the next thing i know, 10 minutes later they are back, and they have brought their friends. who do i shoot? i am loading up the gun with little plastic pellets, can't see shit, can't see the cats that i am tripping over who are wishing me well, and i slowly open the slide door about 2 inches to stick the gun out and aim. of course, i miss the first shot. bill looks at me and says, hmmm, i think someone is doing something interesting, and the second shot, i hit him in the ass. THEN bill moves. however, hillary is on a part of the deck that i cannot get a clean shot at, and she continues to eat away, BECAUSE SHE CAN AND IT IS HER RIGHT! SHE EARNED IT! SHE HAS BEEN FOLLOWING BILL TO THE BIRDFEEDER ALL THIS TIME, EVEN AFTER HE HAS INTRODUCED THE FEEDER TO MONICA, PAULA, AND GENA FLOWERS! hillary will NOT be shot off the bird feeder! she has positioned herself at a better angle and can't be hit. she is hiding BEHIND the feeder!
BUT WAIT! A SAVIOR TO THE RESCUE OF ALL THE LITTLE BIRDS! LOW AND BEHOLD...IT IS ...
OBAMA THE BLACK SQUIRREL!
not native to the south, obama squirrel creeps slowly into the yard. he does NOT come to the bird feeders. he stays in the yard and gathers up the chicadee/finch/sparrow delegation of birds. he urges those little birds to TAKE BACK YOUR BIRD FEEDER FROM THE REGULAR SQUIRRELS! slowly but surely, the little birds begin to eat at the feeder. slowly but surely, more and more of them come and stay. they block the bird feeder with their little hineys. they fly over and crap on the hil-billary squirrel collection! barack stays in the middle of the yard and says to the birds 'YES, YOU CAN! YES, YOU CAN!" slowly over the weeks, the birds take back the feeder! they eat, they chatter, they talk! they tell their other friends, the cardinals, bluejays and the other beautiful birds (oprah, ted kennedy, caroline kennedy) come! eat at the feeder! now is your chance!
bill and hillary chatter from the fence, where they occasionally make forays to the deck, all the while looking at the black squirrel in the yard and chattering at him! hillary is particularily angry because she has followed that bill from tree to tree trying to get to the birdfeeder! she has put in 35 YEARS OF SERVICE and SHE HAS EARNED IT! HE HAS HAD HIS CHANCE! IT'S HER TURN AT THE FEEDER! bill is chattering a lot...he knows hilllary will kick his ass out of the nest given a decent chance, and he has gotten fat and grey and ain't quite the grand squirrel poobah he used to be.
black squirrel is not intimidated! he has the AUDACITY OF HOPE...and this is good. however, black squirrel must be careful.he cannot party too much with the birds on the deck! he must be careful. remember, black squirrels are unusual. black squirrels could be moslems, or terrorists, or the anti-christ or just anything but WHITE. so..he best be aware of the giant white dinosaur...hopefully, obama squirrel won't be saying "it is a far, far better thing i do than i have ever done..."
easy
Saturday, February 23, 2008
An article from Daily OM that relates to me
FROM "DAILY OM"
February 18, 2008 Mysterious Beginnings :The Necessity Of Winter
"As any gardener knows, the bulbs that contain the beautiful flowers of spring and summer—daffodils, irises, tulips, gladiolas—cannot bloom until they have endured a period of cold. Held in the dark earth during the frigid winter months, they undergo internal adjustments and changes invisible to our eyes. Like babies gestating in the lightless, watery wombs of their mothers, they are fully engaged in the process of preparing to be born. So many of the greatest mysteries of life begin this way, with a powerful urge for growth enclosed in a small, dark space.
We humans have a tendency to yearn for the light, for the coming of spring, and for the more visible phase of growth that all things express in coming to be. In our love for what we can see with our eyes we sometimes lose patience for, and interest in, the world of darkness that nurtures and protects the seeds, bulbs, and babies of the world for such an important part of their life cycles. It is a perilous and mysterious phase of growth, and one that we have little control over, and perhaps that is why we don’t celebrate it with quite the same passion as we do the lighter and brighter phases of life. Nevertheless, we ourselves endure similar periods of developing in the darkness throughout our lives.
Meditating on the image of a bulb, a seed, or an embryo, can bring us into alignment with the side of our own natures that is like the earth in winter—seemingly asleep but busily attending to details of growth that create the pattern for the children, flowers, and creative expressions to come. Touching down on this place in ourselves, we may feel at once peaceful and activated, utterly still and yet fully creative, quietly in tune with the dark and mysterious beginnings of life."
this is the second winter that it was winter in just about name only. no snow days. yesterday we did have a late opening for freezing rain, but it was almost like a mercy late opening. i read the above article a couple of days ago and it felt like me. i haven't had a chance to go dormant, and i am the dormant type. this may have contributed to why i am not able to be creative, and haven't been since last february. two winters in a row...
February 18, 2008 Mysterious Beginnings :The Necessity Of Winter
"As any gardener knows, the bulbs that contain the beautiful flowers of spring and summer—daffodils, irises, tulips, gladiolas—cannot bloom until they have endured a period of cold. Held in the dark earth during the frigid winter months, they undergo internal adjustments and changes invisible to our eyes. Like babies gestating in the lightless, watery wombs of their mothers, they are fully engaged in the process of preparing to be born. So many of the greatest mysteries of life begin this way, with a powerful urge for growth enclosed in a small, dark space.
We humans have a tendency to yearn for the light, for the coming of spring, and for the more visible phase of growth that all things express in coming to be. In our love for what we can see with our eyes we sometimes lose patience for, and interest in, the world of darkness that nurtures and protects the seeds, bulbs, and babies of the world for such an important part of their life cycles. It is a perilous and mysterious phase of growth, and one that we have little control over, and perhaps that is why we don’t celebrate it with quite the same passion as we do the lighter and brighter phases of life. Nevertheless, we ourselves endure similar periods of developing in the darkness throughout our lives.
Meditating on the image of a bulb, a seed, or an embryo, can bring us into alignment with the side of our own natures that is like the earth in winter—seemingly asleep but busily attending to details of growth that create the pattern for the children, flowers, and creative expressions to come. Touching down on this place in ourselves, we may feel at once peaceful and activated, utterly still and yet fully creative, quietly in tune with the dark and mysterious beginnings of life."
this is the second winter that it was winter in just about name only. no snow days. yesterday we did have a late opening for freezing rain, but it was almost like a mercy late opening. i read the above article a couple of days ago and it felt like me. i haven't had a chance to go dormant, and i am the dormant type. this may have contributed to why i am not able to be creative, and haven't been since last february. two winters in a row...
Saturday, February 9, 2008
saturday, february, in shorts...
nothing is normal anymore, is it?
we had an 80 degree day this week...in the beginning of february. i am becoming despondent at the thought that i might not see anymore snow or cold weather. the 10 day forecast isn't promising, and omar is not speaking.
basketball is coming to a close. next week is the last of the regular season games. the team won last night at lee davis, and austin did well. mom and dad came up to see him play. it was an awful game in terms of officiating. horrid, horrid calls. austin fouled out, the last one on an illegal pic. hard to believe. he scored 2 points, but he played with a lot of fervor. his harem of LD girls came over to see me in the stands (they didn't come when we were at atlee, and i think that was because i had amy, the girlfriend, with me. amy was not there last night.) i ended up standing in the stands with the students and it got hairy towards the end. but we won, and i owe the team pizza after practice on monday as promised.
i am restless and bored right now and want to go out, but really have no where i have to be. i don't need to spend money, but i could go to the store. however, my back has been a major issue this week, and today i am hurting all over and stiff. good things: back is better, had good chinese last night, LD lost and austin was fine; had a good visit with the parents;
nothing earthshaking going on. life is good for the most part.
we had an 80 degree day this week...in the beginning of february. i am becoming despondent at the thought that i might not see anymore snow or cold weather. the 10 day forecast isn't promising, and omar is not speaking.
basketball is coming to a close. next week is the last of the regular season games. the team won last night at lee davis, and austin did well. mom and dad came up to see him play. it was an awful game in terms of officiating. horrid, horrid calls. austin fouled out, the last one on an illegal pic. hard to believe. he scored 2 points, but he played with a lot of fervor. his harem of LD girls came over to see me in the stands (they didn't come when we were at atlee, and i think that was because i had amy, the girlfriend, with me. amy was not there last night.) i ended up standing in the stands with the students and it got hairy towards the end. but we won, and i owe the team pizza after practice on monday as promised.
i am restless and bored right now and want to go out, but really have no where i have to be. i don't need to spend money, but i could go to the store. however, my back has been a major issue this week, and today i am hurting all over and stiff. good things: back is better, had good chinese last night, LD lost and austin was fine; had a good visit with the parents;
nothing earthshaking going on. life is good for the most part.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
no country for old men
pam came down yesterday afternoon and we started working on plans for the trip this summer. then we went out to eat at panera and headed to virginia center commons to go see THE BUCKET LIST. we got started late and got there to a mob, complete with tons of police all over the place. the line was so long that you didn't know where the end was, and everyone was pushing and shoving and talking and it was very overwhelming to me. my immediate reaction was to leave. we weren't going to make THE BUCKET LIST and i didn't want to see 27 DRESSES. i sort of wanted to see JUNO, but pam didn't seem to want to, so we ended up going to see NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN.
i had read the book a long time ago, it is by cormac mccarthy. but i didn't remember what it was about. there was a lot of gore, but it was a thinking type of film, much like most of the books mccarthy writes. pam wondered after it was over with what the significance was of the title, and i surmised that in this movie/book, the old lawmen more or less have to be resigned to a different kind of law keeper of the future. the crimes are worse, the lack of remorse almost standard, but more than that, the types of crimes were hard to wrap your head around. the old sheriff in the movie (tommy lee jones) is following a killer who has no feelings what so ever, but
he isn't crazy behaving. he is a cold, calculated killer, and feels no pain it appears. he was so
rt of like the terminator character from the movies, only one who could be philosophical. when he talks, he has these philosophy discussions with people who have no clue, because they are simple. he is simple to the point of knowing that killing for him is not complicated. it is calculated, clean, cut to the chase, get it done. however, he does toy with some of his victims before he kills them, even giving 2 of them a chance to flip a coin to live or die. the last one refuses to flip the coin and giving him the psychological advantage that he seems to enjoy...and she dies.
the title i think can be interpreted a couple of ways. at the end of the movie/book the old sheriff retires and in the last scene he is discussing a dream he had with his wife in which his own father rides past him on a horse in the night with a bucket of fire. he says his father is going ahead to light a fire, and his father has a blanket pulled up over his head as he goes by. the son (the sheriff) isn't moving as fast, but knows what his father is doing and where he is headed. the screen goes black, movie over, and people puzzled, except for me. i see the symbolism of the fire (knowledge, a new beginning, the truth, birth, all of the classic light symbols). the father could be showing his son that he has to move on in the "night" (reality of the world) and his father is leading him there, to a place where there will be fire and he will see the world as it is, yet be comforted. it could also be the "knowledge" that the world has changed. in the dream both he and his father are on horses, and in the movie in the opening scene he and the deputy are going to the crime scene on horseback, and outmoded way of transportation, and very much a throwback to the days of when his father was a boy and horses were the way lawmen got to where they were going. the father is covered in a blanket, yet the son knows it is him. that could be interpreted as the son not knowing his father, not being able to see him, yet having faith in who he was and his guidance. nothing is sure...it is night, father with a blanket over him, a desolate landscape, but there is "light" in the wilderness.
the landscape of the picture is simple, desolate, hot, forbidden, and alluring. people die out there, yet somehow the landscape is comforting and inviting. an old man runs a general store/gas station in the middle of nowhere and the killer toys with him, asking him a lot of questions that the simple old man doesn't know how to answer. he was the one who did flip the coin, but he doesn't know why...he just does it. the implication is that when he wins, the killer is benevolent and lets him live. the old man never knows or understands this for his existence is so basic as to not be able to comprehend that level of sadistic behavior. another scene has the sheriff talking to an even older retired lawman and he tells the sheriff basically that the world changes, and you can't fight it. you have to accept what is and continue with what you think is right. but the sheriff retires anyway.
all through the book/film the old sheriff is pondering the way this criminal thinks and what he is doing. his character is compassionate and old school, concerned about the welfare of the llewellyn character who is on the run. the sheriff follows the criminal, but he might have gotten on to things sooner had he been able to adjust his thinking sooner to that of the killer. once he has done this, what he sees is shocking and demoralizing. this is why he quits. he knows that now the "country" that he lives in (society) is no place for old men like himself. they are lost in the old world and they can't adjust. they are dinosaurs, a dying breed.
the physical country also is demanding and stark, another reason why it is no place for old men. the landscape is changing and the demands of the world changing as well. old here could also mean older thinking, the type of thinking formed in a kinder, gentler society. the foundation of that society is much like the shifting west texas winds...ruthless, constant, reliable. yet old mesquite trees and scrub and thistle and brush hang on. little roots in the old world. they
are just as easily crushed by 4 wheel drive trucks that venture to the desert with drug dealers driving them, killers who kill each other. the irony is that the "new" desert inhabitants don't survive, and their bodies are left to rot in the sun and become nothing. the significance of them as nothing is shown when a truck driver is stopped by the sheriff because his load is not tied down with a tarp properly. his load: the bloated bodies of the dead drug dealers who had died in the desert.
all sorts of symbolism in the opening scene: the desert setting, which is constant. it is invaded by the modern (drug dealers, 4 wheel drive trucks, dealers with vicious pit bull dogs) and discove
red by the past (old time sheriff on horseback.) llewellyn is old school, shooting antelopes/deer in the desert and stumbles upon the death spot. he has been tracking a deer he shot but didn't kill (old school idea of making sure you put the animal out of its misery) when he tracks right into the murder scene. then he tracks down the missing drug money and takes it, starting the whole chain of events. he has old school hunting and survival skills which he uses (hiding the money in the heating vent), but he doesn't have the modern savvy that the killer does(the killer has a tracking device in the suitcase where the money is). llewellyn is a thinker and a planner just like the killer, but the killer has no remorse, no feelings, no emotions and doesn't think like a human. he is a killing machine.
all of the characters are simplistic in their own ways, even the killer. while he appears to be psychologically complicated, he isn't. the detective that is sent to find him knows how he thinks, but not enough to prevent the killer from finding and killing him. the only human quality the killer seems to have is the occasional need to play with his victims before he kills them, sort of like a cat with a mouse: it chews off it's ears and tail, slaps it around and plays with it and when it gets bored, it kills it quickly and leaves it for something else.
i didn't want to see the movie, but i am glad i did. it made me think, it made me write and that is all good...
i had read the book a long time ago, it is by cormac mccarthy. but i didn't remember what it was about. there was a lot of gore, but it was a thinking type of film, much like most of the books mccarthy writes. pam wondered after it was over with what the significance was of the title, and i surmised that in this movie/book, the old lawmen more or less have to be resigned to a different kind of law keeper of the future. the crimes are worse, the lack of remorse almost standard, but more than that, the types of crimes were hard to wrap your head around. the old sheriff in the movie (tommy lee jones) is following a killer who has no feelings what so ever, but
he isn't crazy behaving. he is a cold, calculated killer, and feels no pain it appears. he was so
rt of like the terminator character from the movies, only one who could be philosophical. when he talks, he has these philosophy discussions with people who have no clue, because they are simple. he is simple to the point of knowing that killing for him is not complicated. it is calculated, clean, cut to the chase, get it done. however, he does toy with some of his victims before he kills them, even giving 2 of them a chance to flip a coin to live or die. the last one refuses to flip the coin and giving him the psychological advantage that he seems to enjoy...and she dies.the title i think can be interpreted a couple of ways. at the end of the movie/book the old sheriff retires and in the last scene he is discussing a dream he had with his wife in which his own father rides past him on a horse in the night with a bucket of fire. he says his father is going ahead to light a fire, and his father has a blanket pulled up over his head as he goes by. the son (the sheriff) isn't moving as fast, but knows what his father is doing and where he is headed. the screen goes black, movie over, and people puzzled, except for me. i see the symbolism of the fire (knowledge, a new beginning, the truth, birth, all of the classic light symbols). the father could be showing his son that he has to move on in the "night" (reality of the world) and his father is leading him there, to a place where there will be fire and he will see the world as it is, yet be comforted. it could also be the "knowledge" that the world has changed. in the dream both he and his father are on horses, and in the movie in the opening scene he and the deputy are going to the crime scene on horseback, and outmoded way of transportation, and very much a throwback to the days of when his father was a boy and horses were the way lawmen got to where they were going. the father is covered in a blanket, yet the son knows it is him. that could be interpreted as the son not knowing his father, not being able to see him, yet having faith in who he was and his guidance. nothing is sure...it is night, father with a blanket over him, a desolate landscape, but there is "light" in the wilderness.
the landscape of the picture is simple, desolate, hot, forbidden, and alluring. people die out there, yet somehow the landscape is comforting and inviting. an old man runs a general store/gas station in the middle of nowhere and the killer toys with him, asking him a lot of questions that the simple old man doesn't know how to answer. he was the one who did flip the coin, but he doesn't know why...he just does it. the implication is that when he wins, the killer is benevolent and lets him live. the old man never knows or understands this for his existence is so basic as to not be able to comprehend that level of sadistic behavior. another scene has the sheriff talking to an even older retired lawman and he tells the sheriff basically that the world changes, and you can't fight it. you have to accept what is and continue with what you think is right. but the sheriff retires anyway.
all through the book/film the old sheriff is pondering the way this criminal thinks and what he is doing. his character is compassionate and old school, concerned about the welfare of the llewellyn character who is on the run. the sheriff follows the criminal, but he might have gotten on to things sooner had he been able to adjust his thinking sooner to that of the killer. once he has done this, what he sees is shocking and demoralizing. this is why he quits. he knows that now the "country" that he lives in (society) is no place for old men like himself. they are lost in the old world and they can't adjust. they are dinosaurs, a dying breed.
the physical country also is demanding and stark, another reason why it is no place for old men. the landscape is changing and the demands of the world changing as well. old here could also mean older thinking, the type of thinking formed in a kinder, gentler society. the foundation of that society is much like the shifting west texas winds...ruthless, constant, reliable. yet old mesquite trees and scrub and thistle and brush hang on. little roots in the old world. they
are just as easily crushed by 4 wheel drive trucks that venture to the desert with drug dealers driving them, killers who kill each other. the irony is that the "new" desert inhabitants don't survive, and their bodies are left to rot in the sun and become nothing. the significance of them as nothing is shown when a truck driver is stopped by the sheriff because his load is not tied down with a tarp properly. his load: the bloated bodies of the dead drug dealers who had died in the desert.all sorts of symbolism in the opening scene: the desert setting, which is constant. it is invaded by the modern (drug dealers, 4 wheel drive trucks, dealers with vicious pit bull dogs) and discove
red by the past (old time sheriff on horseback.) llewellyn is old school, shooting antelopes/deer in the desert and stumbles upon the death spot. he has been tracking a deer he shot but didn't kill (old school idea of making sure you put the animal out of its misery) when he tracks right into the murder scene. then he tracks down the missing drug money and takes it, starting the whole chain of events. he has old school hunting and survival skills which he uses (hiding the money in the heating vent), but he doesn't have the modern savvy that the killer does(the killer has a tracking device in the suitcase where the money is). llewellyn is a thinker and a planner just like the killer, but the killer has no remorse, no feelings, no emotions and doesn't think like a human. he is a killing machine.all of the characters are simplistic in their own ways, even the killer. while he appears to be psychologically complicated, he isn't. the detective that is sent to find him knows how he thinks, but not enough to prevent the killer from finding and killing him. the only human quality the killer seems to have is the occasional need to play with his victims before he kills them, sort of like a cat with a mouse: it chews off it's ears and tail, slaps it around and plays with it and when it gets bored, it kills it quickly and leaves it for something else.
i didn't want to see the movie, but i am glad i did. it made me think, it made me write and that is all good...
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