i am up early today, on sunday, hoping that i can get the body and the brain in sync! i want to do a lot of things, but it is getting harder and harder to do that, and i am really frustrated about it!
what is with old age anyway? :) this situation with me has gotten really silly, and now a little worrisome. i was home from school thursday and friday with the migraines, again. i think it was just the headaches and hormones. i went to the chiro and they worked on me for 1 1/2 hours to no avail. to his credit, they tried everything...realigning the back, sacro-cranial massage, laser trigger point therapy on the headache trigger spots on my body (hand, wrist, knee), the rolling machine on my back (after cracking it) and ice therapy for my head. they were going to do acupuncture, but i felt like i was going to puke, so i headed back home and to bed, where i more or less stayed for 2 days.
the back is a mess and won't get better. now it is just a plan of maintenance: daily exercises and trips to the chiro and trying not to do anything that makes stuff worse! the problem is, i want to be able to do things like prune my bushes outside or scrub down stuff in the house. but i get so exhausted or start to hurt, and then it is all over. austin could be doing more, but then again, he is a kid and i hate to have to burden him too much. however, things need to be happening in this house, and he blows in and blows out with the cell phone and his agenda. i am left being the taxi driver and facilitator to his schedule...:)
the joke with this fibro is now i do not know if i am really sick or not. in january i thought i just had a cold, and then i went to the doctor (a new one, because my old one shut down her practice in a 2 week period and i had to have a doctor to get prescriptions on my meds renewed). ended up on antibiotics because i was actually sick and really didn't know it. in october when i went to the doctor, i had a lot of work done and that was when they discovered the vitamin d deficiency. (i was a 7 on the scale, with 32 being the bottom end of it...hmmm) my back was out and i didn't know it until the chiro guy said i had no reflexes in my legs (same situation a couple of weeks ago when i went back and discovered the same all over again.)
basically, i am in pain all the time and now i don't know if it is just fibro or something else. i have ignored most of my physical symptoms over the years and written them off as fibro, which can't be cured. but now i guess i will just have to pay more attention, and more money i guess with trips to the doctors! the back issues is a compressed disk with 3 bone spurs in the neck that makes my hands tingle and go numb. the lower back issue is a pinched nerve in the lower area. unfortunately, this nerve is connected to nerves in my bladder and lower body, further weakening them and creating an ongoing problem with control. i have pretty much resigned myself to that issue, as there just isn't anything i can do about it. it could be a source of major worry and embarrassment, or it can just be life. i choose to say it is life, and move on. suffice to say, i spend way too much time scrabbling like a crab for the bathroom!
the good news is that i am doing the vitamin therapy daily (or as much as i can) with the stuff from dr. teitelbaum in annapolis, md. it is a combination of lots of minerals and vitamins in the proportions necessary for people with fibro + a mega b complex vitamin. i am taking my regular D and E megadoses as well as the regular calcium and vitamin chews daily. when i take the energy revitalizer stuff over a couple of days, i do feel a little more peppy. however, it tastes nasty and it is hard to drink it when you mix it up. doing the exercises, however, is a struggle because it just hurts. but i have to do it to keep on walking. however, i do have an exercise program and i am trying to do what i can. i just need an attitude adjustment. not having snow again this year did not give me the mental downtime that i needed. however, the cats have been very supportive, hanging out with me at every place i go, pointing out when hil and bill are at the bird feeder. (unfortunately, however, the cats are all shedding right now, and the house looks like an explosion in a mattress factory...)
menopause is not exactly helping matters either, and i am frustrated with that as well. i think the headaches are chemical, as are my rantings and ravings i guess (austin just calls these moments me being "psycho bitch")
sleeping for 2 days with the headache was probably a good thing, as the chronic fatigue was really getting me and that causes the fibrofog ("where am i? why did i go to the closet? what am i supposed to be doing?)
i keep having to remind myself that having this disease has its pluses, and i know that. i just have moments where i just get too tired to carry on. then i find an angel penny (or in the case of my students, the hide them and leave them all over the room for me to find, and that is uplifting that they would think to do that). i look at my little birds on the deck and feel better, or sit on the deck and look at my pond, or sit on the front porch on the swing and listen to the waterfall in the little pond. the winds blow a bit, and the sun hits things just right and i feel better and part of something a bit bigger, and things for then get alright in the world...
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