the nuremburg trials for easy, the nazi...

yesterday was the culmination of a week of fretting over a parental conference. this involved a student who plagiarized his summary of a book report. there was no question i had covered everything i could, and that the administrators were in agreeance with me. still, dreading the confrontation ruined my week.

as things go, it wasn't horrible, but i was very uncomfortable, torn in a lot of ways. the parents contention was that the student had not intentionally plagiarized. he just didn't read the instructions which said he had to write it in his own words. he didn't. they thought the punishment was too harsh, and that we had besmirched the honorable name of the child by saying he had cheated. they appealed to the principal, i think. the administrator handled it very well, but the parents were pretty much in denial about the whole thing. according to them, it isn't plagiarism if you don't do it intentionally...hmmm. they weren't accepting the fact doing it accidentally doesn't absolve you of the consequences. anyway, i guess it doesn't really matter. what i got out of it is that i need to look closer at why these types of things upset me so much.

truth of the matter is, even as i write this, i am anxious. i just don't know why i turn into a 3rd grader when some type of conflict comes up. the only things i can think of is that i guess i don't want to be disliked. i guess basically i not only don't have thick skin, i apparently don't have ANY skin. i think the reason i get so upset with people when they accuse me of things that i know are wrong is because it requires me to have to defend myself, and because i am honest, i can get taken advantage of. people love to play mind games to try and "win" and with me it is pretty much an easy victory. i don't go after people unless i am really, really right. it has to be something pretty spectacular for me to go off. even if i am in the right, i generally don't do the confrontation thing. i find it totally crass and offensive when people bully you into submission because they have so much brass that you let them have their way just to shut them up. i hate this kind of person, but they are out there, and some are in my life. i avoid these people like the plague because their rudeness just annoys me beyond belief.

so i guess the end result of all of this is that i need to think about it and see if i can do something to reverse the trend here. i am finding this to be something that seems to be getting worse as i get older, and the retreat mode is becoming familiar territory.

off with my head!!!! :)

plagiarism.

what a lovely word. what a lovely concept. truly, right now the word is the bane of my existence!

two parents, two boys who decided to cut and paste their book report summaries from barnes & nobles. go figure. all they had to write was a 100 word summary of the plot of their novel. nope. one was too lazy, one didn't "understand" that it was plagiarism. two upset kids, two sets of upset parents, two administrators, two guidance counselors and two teachers. two phone calls, two office referrals, two days, toooooo much.

and what about the fact that the kids cheated? hmmm. certainly not as important as blaming me because i have ruined children's self esteem BECAUSE I TOLD THEM DURING EXAM WEEK. my bad. is there ever a good, convenient time to be caught for your crime? ("gee, officer, yes i killed that guy, but can you arrest me next week because today i have something else to do...") apparently, i should have had better timing. amazing. i am thinking if austin had done that, we wouldn't have had to worry about timing or a later date...he would have been dead or grounded until his is 32...apparently, the greater concern is how upset the boys are. they are so 1) ashamed 2) remorseful 3) confused because he didn't know it was plagiarism 4) unable to concentrate anymore because he is so upset and/or 5) unable to do well on any more exams because he is so upset over this.

more energy has been spent pointing the finger at me vs. dealing with the actual kids and what each did. one parent is going to have a huge meeting because she will NOT be accepting the zero, and i am to blame. meeting apparently will be with me, the principal, the school board, jesus christ, ghandi, the dalai lama, members of the grand inquisition, lee harvey oswald, a flock of angels and various kings and queens. i have respectfully declined any further ass or ear chewings from any of these parents, as i have just done my job.

i have written to the administrator in charge of dealing with the two office referrals and asked for a papal dispensation on having anymore contact with these people. let's hope she is going to be nice about it and deal with it herself. there is really no reason why i should have to be subjected to anymore abuse.

i need an angel penny! :)

The Winds of Forgiveness

When someone does something to harm you, write your hurts in the sand. A parable for today.

Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything wrote in the sand:

Today my best friend slapped me in the face.

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning—but the friend saved him.

After he recovered from the near-drowning, he wrote on a stone:

Today my best friend saved my life.

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone. Why?"

The other friend replied: "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.

Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your benefits in stone.

(from Beliefnet 1/22/09 http://www.beliefnet.com/Inspiration/2007/01/The-Winds-Of-Forgiveness.aspx?WT.mc_id=NL24)

a new day...

cold and wintry and sunny. a million or more people. an interesting speech, a blown swearing in. an old lion having a seizure and an old rapscallion being wheeled around in a wheel chair. aaron copeland delivered over the mall by the likes of yo yo ma and itzak perlman. incredible.

the gods worked it so i had the last half of the day exam free, so i could watch the inaugural. when diane feinstein asked people to stand, i actually came around from behind my desk and walked up to the tv, looking up, feeling a bit silly, but thinking that at least this way, i was participating.

i listened to all of the speech. i wondered where oprah was. i wondered if bruce springsteen had already done his musical thing, or is that tonight? i tried to imagine what a black person must have felt like today. and i know i failed at that, although i tried. i did walk away from all of it hoping for a new start. god, this country needs something fresh, something happy, some grit. do we have grit? or is this just a bright patch of landscape that soon will be overshadowed with thin clouds and lingering bad weather?

bill clinton did me in. in '92 i was a "black person" with a lot of hope. i wanted to believe that he was going to bring something fresh to the white house and it wouldn't be politics as usual. and then he let me down, and boy, am i a jaded old dinosaur now. this is why i am tentative with my emotions concerning this new president. in all honestly, i don't want to be disappointed again. and i know that is a crappy, selfish attitude. but i have come by it honestly.

i could live the rest of my life now thinking the glass of life is unquestionably half full. no one would argue with that, in that most think that way. it is hard to be a cheery optimist when so many around us disappoint. but i am not ready to concede.

i preach to my kids that you can't change the world by yourself, but it is important to try and make some positive impact in some small, tangible way. don't worry about global. do something small and well in your own backyard. i need to follow my own words, and not just leave it to the next generation to put it into fruition.

so the sun is down, the snow is out there somewhere, twinkly and light and coming and going. it is cold enough to make me happy, cold enough to wake me up. but it is warm inside the house, and most of us will just stay inside and be warm. it takes a little courage to go outside and stand on the porch in the dark and the cold. no one can see you, and you can't see them either. maybe that is what i want Obama to do...stand on the porch in the dark and the cold. and maybe i want all of us to step out of the house and stand with him, abandon what is comfortable but static, and make change. change comes from rippling the pond and not worrying about being different or right, or wrong. change comes from having the courage to go in the dark without any sure knowledge of where you are going or what will greet you there. someone has to go first. maybe, just maybe, this melting pot of a guy can go first and others will follow. let's hope so.

hokie goes to 'hoo land...

took austin up to UVA today to talk to the coaches there and get some sort of feel for baseball there. it was a good visit. they are not prepared at this point to make an offer, and we aren't prepared to make a commitment. however, the coach has worked up a financial package that he keep saying that i would "really, really, really" like. he did explain some things to me, and basically, if they like what they see the next time austin throws, he should be taken care of b/w my virginia prepaid account and what they can offer. the facilities at UVA aren't as good as those at ECU or UNLV. but from what he was telling me, it sounds like they are making the same offer as UNLV. the coaches there want to see austin throw the curve and the changeup. so we need to get austin down to the beach to work with coach lavelle on that and make that better.

ran into a few show showers coming home today, and it was sort of bizarre. the sun was out it was getting close to sunset. there was sleet, pieces of snow hitting the windshield and directly in front of me was a rainbow! pretty neat! they are calling for snow showers tonight and maybe 1-2 inches tomorrow. i don't think we will have that much, but anything is better than NO SNOW! i would just like to look at it and feel it!

a 4 degree morning...

most of the time when you daydream, that dream stays in your head and never becomes a reality. we always think about doing stuff, like what you would do with a day off...and of course, you never do it. dreaming about it generally is more fun than really doing it.

but at 6:15 this morning my alarm went off and i was awake. and last night i was thinking about how awesome it would be to get up and take a walk in that frigid cold when the alarm went off. so i did....

i put on my wawa shirt, sweatpants and a sweat shirt and set off walking...i wasn't sure how far i would get, but i got to meg's house and then came back. i briefly thought about calling her and telling her i was standing in the street in front of the hacienda...but i decided nada...and home i went.

the moon was sliced in half and the sunrise reminded me of the one i saw alone at mesa verde national park 2 years ago. pam was still asleep then, and it was so vast and awesome and all mine. the world was asleep this morning and the same applied. ice and clouds and stars and a plane flying way above me. i wondered who was on it, where they were going, and what time that plane had taken off. sort of a world in motion kinda thought...

after picking up the paper from the driveway, i gave it all a glance and then went into the house and made a broccoli/sausage pattie stir fry after talking to m.j. in paris. austin was asleep on the couch, and the only thing missing from my fantasy was a cup of constant comfort tea. went to turn the spigot on in the kitchen and was shocked to find no water...frozen pipes. that was a little reality check, for sure! i went back outside to make sure i had closed all of the vents all around the house, and they were closed. i guess those pipes were to close to the outside wall. eventually they thawed, and all is well in the plumbing world....

it has been a busy, productive day. austin and i went to circuit city after i read the paper this morning. it said they were discounting everything starting today, but they didn't. we bought him the headset he wanted for the computer and came home. i took electrical tape to the wires to cat proof it, and then i went out to short pump and met my friend susan from school and we ate hot dogs at joey's and went to trader joe's and whole foods market. i have come home with some interesting stuff, such as short ribs and hummus. i have watched some tv this afternoon and now i think i might just read for awhile...

austin is off to amy's for the evening...life is good!
bring on more cold weather! bring on the snow!

hello my friends...

my blog is sort of my corner of cyberspace where i just write what is in my head and don't worry about repercussions or anyone seeing it.

i worked a lot on the blog last spring, and there are some cool links. if you come here, you don't have to comment. the music is free (it's a long list, so scroll down until you find something you like and listen while you read.)

have had the blog for awhile, and i am not asking anyone to visit on any regular basis. it is just a way to find out what level of insanity i am on if you choose to visit. hey, i visit the inside of my head a lot, and i listen to the voices...ooooooH!

i haven't told many people that it is here, so i guess if you are reading this, consider yourself someone i feel pretty safe with...whether you consider that a good thing or a bad thing, well, it's up to you! i have made this a closed blog, so only the ones on my list can view it. i still want to keep it mine.

intellectual or deep brains conversations...well, there is a dearth of them in my life. so i come here and talk to myself...which is guess is preferable than doing the same in the frozen food aisle at walmart...:)

bring on the cold! :)

as i am writing this, the temp outside is a wonderful 12 degrees! go single digits! drop, drop, drop! bring me some snow, some hunkering down weather! alas, the snow is not to be! but at least it has gotten a bit cold and will be this way for a few days at least.

this week has been long and arduous, and my shoulders according to my son (who was commanded to massage them) are like concrete. my brain is back to functioning and i am looking at the bigger world and don't like a lot of what i am seeing. austin has also been problematic this week in the sense that there are issues, not overly major, but ones where i have to be involved and i am conflicted. this week alone:

monday: day 3 of the migraine that began on friday night, so i stay home. he gets his drivers license, and i have to come to school to get it. i have to call and get car insurance set up for him to the tune of $1200 a year. then on to the orthopedic guy about his cracked toe (he had been in an ortho boot for 2 weeks b/c of a bone chip. no basketball. he did it in a tourney over xmas). anyway, that visit is $40 and he is cleared to go back to basketball next week. so on that day i take on a new phase of my life, which is austin driving by himself and now out of my control in that area.

tuesday: at the end of the school day, austin and another teacher's kid are horsing around in his physics class waiting for the bell to ring. the other kid, tyler, shoves austin into the plate class window looking out into the hall. result: smashed window. no one is hurt, but austin is written up for disruptive behavior and i have to pay half of the replacement fee for the window, which will come to somewhere b/w $150-200. he comes down at the end of this class to tell me. i am so furious I TAKE HIM TO THE OFFICE MYSELF. now, everyone thinks this is sort of funny and there have been lots of jokes about it all week. he won't serve the ISS until the tuesday after exams. he was lucky he got that (i told the principal not to spare him anything and to treat him like every other kid. they did). what do you do for punishment? basically, he designed his own. no computers during the week. i have the cell phone during the day. he has to do anything i ask basically for the next couple of weeks, and his driving is restricted to a per case basis. also, he has blown off his english teacher when she sent for him during study hall and we have a mess going on in that area. i send him to his room to complete his homework and study for a test in ap psych.

wednesday: after going round and round talking about this stuff, my brain feels like a wheel of cheese. we get to school, and austin discovers he has left his backpack at home with all his stuff in it. how does one forget this? well, he took it in the house to actually use it. normally, it lives in the back of my car. i send him home at 8 am with the command that as soon as he gets back, he brings me my keys so i know he is at school. at 8:50 (school has started) he has not shown up. now i am worried. i walk out to the parking lot and he is just coming in. i can now breath safely, but...it is stressful.

thursday: kids in my classes are complete buttheads, not doing homework, which is exam review. asking me dumb, asinine questions that i have already answered 4 times. i explode on them and tell them i am tired of being their 2nd mother. they need to grow up and stop whining and get with the program. i walk in the bitter cold for 20 minutes with austin's english teacher while we discuss his rampant immaturity and poor choices. i cannot defend him. i cannot do his work for him. i can only be frustrated.

and what really sets me off, sadly, is that they were supposed to serve footlong hot dogs for lunch and that was to be the highlight of my day. alas, no hotdogs, and a lot of disappointed campers! the head cafeteria lady is a saint, but she apparently forgot to order the BUNS...i was grumpy for the rest of the day.

austin goes to his dad's for the night, and i am left feeling totally useless as a parent because i feel like i am just not doing something right. the ADHD is really a factor right now with austin, but that just can't be an excuse.

i need a vacation where there is no one under the age of 20. maybe a human jurassic park, where i can commune with my own dinosaur like friends. i need a good hotdog, some snow, and no one asking me dumbass things, no one whining, or manipulating me....

next week: exams. monday, a day off. technically, i should have a low key week. we'll see...!

austin gets his license

austin is out there somewhere driving my car by himself. he finally got his license.

i am here typing away, hoping that things go well, and trying to not worry. i am not really worried i don't think. i guess i am just thinking about this being another new phase in life. he is now independent in a whole new way.

we also went to the ortho foot doctor today (dr. bowman) who more or less said that the ortho boot diagnosis was much ado about nothing. he put austin back into his shoe, said to stay off of it for another week, and then proceed as necessary. i am going to make austin an appt. with gary lavelle for 2 weeks from now and i guess we will go back to basketball. i am still a little nervous about the basketball, but then again, i guess it doesn't matter now. he can get hurt doing just about anything. i didn't used to worry about it then, but now it really seems to be important. any injury can be the difference b/w paying for college or not.

i was down with another migraine for pretty much the whole weekend. i fought it most of saturday, but by saturday night, i was done. spent the day in the bed yesterday and it didn't break until about 2 a.m. this morning. i was pretty wiped out and stayed home today.

heading back to the ranch...

retirement. boy, that's a dream.

i am now starting to really relish the idea of not working, although i can't imagine that will ever happen, or at least not any time soon. i have enjoyed reading, staying in, sitting on the porch, cooking, watching old 30's-40's movies, monk, psych, the law and orders, et al. i like having been able to get some chores done around the house, or at least make a dent in them. i didn't do everything i wanted to do (hand scrub the upstairs bathroom floor and walls and make that room spiffy; making ravioli; making borscht;shampooing my carpets). but i did read a lot of books, order books, sell books, view books and read my newspapers. i got caught up on my sleep, and i am less stressed and more relaxed than i have been in a long time. hail chemicals!



austin has a bone chip in his big right toe joint and after 2 doctors appointments, he is in an ortho boot for 4-6 weeks, or so they say. i think this is a bit extreme, and i am going to see if i can get another opinion on it. on one hand, it is good to protect his foot, as that is his push off foot for baseball, but on the other hand it seems sort of out there for something so small. in any case, i am going to check again. everyone is now in on it and the yapping begins. i am really tired of doing politics with family and coaches.



austin has been both exasperating and good at the same time. on one hand, exasperating (he left his wallet with his health insurance card on the night that bebo took him to the appointment; he left his retainers at amy's last night; he forgot to call and tell me NOT to make dinner for him and amy because he was eating at her house; he didn't go in and try to do something/anything at the RBI practice today;) on the other hand, he has done more chores, argued less, and been more willing to help me out in the house and talk. i am just hoping at some point he is going to grow a brain. he is just like the jeremy character in the ZITS comic strip. he has the memory of a flea, the attention span of a gnat, and cannot be depended on to do much of anything on a regular basis.



i don't know what i am going to do with my classes tomorrow, but i am sure it will all work out. now my big focus is getting some snow! it may be possible in a week or so. already i am getting emails about bringing omar in and turning him on!

things i did on the first day of the new year

definitely feeling better.
i got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the kitchen floor. this was after i had moved all the plants and furniture out of there and had swept the floor about 10 times. i made black-eyed peas and stewed tomatoes; made stewed apples for aunt grace's pound cake; made the "guts" for the mini-mex egg rolls; made pork chops and mashed potatoes and gravy.
i finished reading yet another book (i think this is like the 4th or 5th one this week alone). i put together the carpet cleaner i ordered. i went to food lion and shopped for some food. i watched the orange bowl (VT won). i finished pam's calendar.
in other words, i had some energy and was productive. go cymbalta! go vitamin D!

happy new years!

i have just finished putting together pam's calendar and sending it off. it gave me an opportunity to review the year in pictures and that made me smile. there were a lot of places visited, a lot of things that happened. i hope she likes the calendar!

new years eve passed with a ton of fireworks across the street for about 15 minutes. i finished up reading a new book i got yesterday, a new mystery. today i plan to make black eyed peas and stewed tomatoes and put together my new carpet cleaner! tonight is the orange bowl on tv with tech vs. cincinnati. we have lost the last 4 years in bowl games, but maybe tonight will be the night! i think i may also try and make the egg rolls i had been thinking about making. sometime this weekend i would also like to try and make the ravioli. so far, i haven't gotten to it.