Saturday, May 31, 2008
farewell thing
thing passed unexpectedly yesterday, and i am still trying to process it. no one seems to understand what happened, but that is ok i guess. sometimes you don't need to know why, as they are gone and that is that. yesterday was a very hard day, and there will be harder ones to come. i still believe things happen for a reason, and i just have to accept that there was a reason here. the girls, olive, olivia and freckles, are a little disjointed. they are needy, but not purring when you pay attention to them, accept for olive, who is all about her anyway! my goal now is to STOP CRYING and to keep the boohoo headache to a minimum...
Thursday, May 29, 2008
thing is ailing...
thing, my maine coon cat, is currently at the animal doc with anemia. they don't know what is wrong with him yet. they sent out blood work tonight, and hopefully it will be something curable. i am not ready to lose my big ole buddah boy! he weighed 19 lbs. this morning our vet, just a pound down from the last year when he was there. he was dehydrated and appeared anemic when i took him to the emergency vet on wednesday night. that trip was a nightmare. while i appreciate the need to have emergency vets, i don't appreciate the need to exploit your grief with unbelievable estimates or just flat out being gouged. the "bottom" estimate for overnight stay for him was $690 and the possible top estimate, if he stayed a 2nd day, was $1790. i couldn't believe it. i asked for my cat back and was $150 lighter when i left. they drew blood from him, and that was it. i am not sure they even tried to hydrate him. i brought him home and he was listless, but at 3 a.m., he jumped up on my bed and wanted to do "butthead" so i would scratch him. repeat performance at 5:30 a.m. and he seemed ok when austin and i took him to our regular vet. they checked him for feline leukemia, feline AIDS, blockages, kidney failure, diabetes, but nothing showed up in those areas, a good sign. he had been throwing up for days, but i thought it was hairballs and so did the vet. so now they are trying to find an infection somewhere. i should have something information wise tomorrow in the morning.
thing is a big ole gentle giant. maine coon cats are known for their gentle dispositions and friendly ways. he is all of that, and sort of the mac daddy of the household. the three ladies in his harem, olive, olivia and freckles, seem a bit at a loss without him around, and it does feel pretty wrong without buddah boy...
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
weekend overview...
i got a lot of things done this weekend, but was frustrated by my back, which is once again out. i overdid on saturday, hauling mulch, putting down mulch, weeding, laying down weed cover, planting the gardens. i also helped my neighbor ron rehang the ramp leading to the shed. i made 2 trips to home desperado for mulch and rebar. by saturday night, i was sore. i tried to get up off of the couch, and out it went. that meant that the rest of my weekend was shot in terms of doing the things i had planned, such as putting in another couple of above ground flower beds. the mulch, rebar and wood is waiting for me, but i won't be doing it for awhile. very frustrating. this is the time of year, because of the low heat and humidity, for me to do my heavy labor. now i am down and can't do it. it makes me very, very pissy...
i am thankful, however, for good neighbors. ron seems to own every boy power tool known to man and apparently is a small engine man, having had his own go cart business in mechanicsville until the flood from gaston wiped him out. he tuned up my push mower and then he took his high powered gas weed wacker and went to work on my banks on the dam as well at the jungle down between the big willow tree and the cattails. i had always wanted to do that, but lacked the equipment. we left the natural grasses and cattails, and now it has potential to be turned into the sort of pond side oasis i have envisioned. it still needs more bush hogging, as there are little tree stumps and they can't be easily pulled up or cut down. he lopped down major big stuff, but the ground really needs to be cleared. it is easier now to fish from the bank, and amy (my other next door neighbor) was excited about the clear down and is offering to help me trim the branches off of the willow and do stuff that will make it a place to hang out. i already have a picnic table and some chairs down there, along with the original blue deer and several other blue deer.
i think i am going to plant some of the hostas that i have there in the shade, and a couple of them are doris' hostas from her yard. pam has been propagating them in the greenhouse the last 2 summers. i think that would be a fitting permanent tribute to her. i also have some purple fountain grass and could transplant some of the zebra grass down there as well as ferns. there is a lot of potential!
good neighbors also extended to cooking out with bruce and amy on memorial day and going down the street to meg's house on saturday night. she managed to lure me out, and tony spence was there, and i hadn't seen him in many, many years. he was the person who first introduced me to meg and rob.
i also experimented on the smokey cooker with a pork shoulder that got converted to bbq, and ribs, which i am still working on. neither was a slam dunk, but no one was complaining. i also came up with a gemelli pasta recipe that involved velvetta, rotel tomatoes, and various spices. it was very good. i got the idea from taking pimento cheese with jalapenos and mixing it with macaroni. i just expanded on it. i like making up recipes and trying them out on people.
i am ready to rest for awhile, so i am looking towards school being over here in a couple of weeks. i am not looking forward to hot weather, though. i have created a bit of an oasis on my front porch with the swing, the plants, and the bamboo shade. if i bring the box fan out there, it could be habitable even in hot weather.
tonight i parted with a bit of family...the 1994 town and country van. i sold it for $800. i wasn't sure i needed to part with it, but i did as i don't need 3 cars. in some ways, i wish i had sold the acura instead, as now i really don't have anything to haul stuff around in. but with the prices of gas so high, and insurance to pay on both, it seems ridiculous to have it. sometimes you just have to let things go. i have enough friends with pickups that if i really have to haul something big, i guess i can borrow or beg...
i am thankful, however, for good neighbors. ron seems to own every boy power tool known to man and apparently is a small engine man, having had his own go cart business in mechanicsville until the flood from gaston wiped him out. he tuned up my push mower and then he took his high powered gas weed wacker and went to work on my banks on the dam as well at the jungle down between the big willow tree and the cattails. i had always wanted to do that, but lacked the equipment. we left the natural grasses and cattails, and now it has potential to be turned into the sort of pond side oasis i have envisioned. it still needs more bush hogging, as there are little tree stumps and they can't be easily pulled up or cut down. he lopped down major big stuff, but the ground really needs to be cleared. it is easier now to fish from the bank, and amy (my other next door neighbor) was excited about the clear down and is offering to help me trim the branches off of the willow and do stuff that will make it a place to hang out. i already have a picnic table and some chairs down there, along with the original blue deer and several other blue deer.
i think i am going to plant some of the hostas that i have there in the shade, and a couple of them are doris' hostas from her yard. pam has been propagating them in the greenhouse the last 2 summers. i think that would be a fitting permanent tribute to her. i also have some purple fountain grass and could transplant some of the zebra grass down there as well as ferns. there is a lot of potential!
good neighbors also extended to cooking out with bruce and amy on memorial day and going down the street to meg's house on saturday night. she managed to lure me out, and tony spence was there, and i hadn't seen him in many, many years. he was the person who first introduced me to meg and rob.
i also experimented on the smokey cooker with a pork shoulder that got converted to bbq, and ribs, which i am still working on. neither was a slam dunk, but no one was complaining. i also came up with a gemelli pasta recipe that involved velvetta, rotel tomatoes, and various spices. it was very good. i got the idea from taking pimento cheese with jalapenos and mixing it with macaroni. i just expanded on it. i like making up recipes and trying them out on people.
i am ready to rest for awhile, so i am looking towards school being over here in a couple of weeks. i am not looking forward to hot weather, though. i have created a bit of an oasis on my front porch with the swing, the plants, and the bamboo shade. if i bring the box fan out there, it could be habitable even in hot weather.
tonight i parted with a bit of family...the 1994 town and country van. i sold it for $800. i wasn't sure i needed to part with it, but i did as i don't need 3 cars. in some ways, i wish i had sold the acura instead, as now i really don't have anything to haul stuff around in. but with the prices of gas so high, and insurance to pay on both, it seems ridiculous to have it. sometimes you just have to let things go. i have enough friends with pickups that if i really have to haul something big, i guess i can borrow or beg...
a teaching moment...
anyone reading this blog might have gotten the impression that i am a little fried with teaching. my negativity has likely been pretty palatable. however, just like angel pennies, moments occur out of nowhere that make you reinvest in the concept that there is something good in the world. i had a moment of that last week.
i have assigned my advanced classes a project that i have done for years. it involves teaching a poem called "the permanent delegate" which is about the holocaust and a plea for people not to forget what happened. i put the class into 4 teams and they have to teach it, piece by piece, word by word. what i am looking for is thinking outside of the box and looking at each word, each image as something unique that could be interpreted in various ways.
since i started this project, i have written on a couple of copies of the poem all new interpretations that each group over the years has come up with. a few years ago i realized that they had covered the basic stuff, but that i wanted more from the students. so thus the BINGO was invented. basically, to even have a chance of the group getting an A on their part of the project they must make me write something new on the sheet. not an easy task, since i have heard most of it over the years.
not much was expected on my part. basically, these kids aren't doing much comprehension or analysis to the extent of previous years. i figured after last year when i had groups that got no bingos, that there wasn't any chance of that happening.
in my lowest skill wise class of advanced the miracle occurred.
first group: 7 bingos. i was quite shocked. they really worked hard and the neat thing was that the information spread to the other 2 classes. by the afternoon the b4 class had heard about b2's 7 bingos and wanted to beat them. they almost did. the bar got set BY THE STUDENTS and on we went.
when the 2nd group got up to do their section of the poem, i almost cried. they had gone to college level analysis. they had PowerPoint's, excepts from other writings, were analyzing the lines inside and out, from a jewish perspective, from a christian perspective, from a german historical perspective. they have not finished and already they have 10 bingos. i stopped writing down things and just listened, mesmerized, as they went on and on. the neat thing is that the kids NOT presenting were also participating. in the first group all but 2 kids in the class contributed to the class discussion and those new ideas didn't get counted as bingos because they didn't come from the presenters!
today my a4 class presented, and while it was good, it was a little boring in some ways. the kids in that class are not participating in the same way, which i sort of expected. and in a way, it is sort of sad because you know you can't keep up the momentum. however, you want to try!
this whole thing made me feel like they finally got it. i don't know what flipped the switch, but i think i am going to do this poetry unit in the fall instead of the spring next year. it seems to me that they were better able to analyze smaller things, like the poem, vs. the short stories and books we read. the big chunks they couldn't seem to consume. little pieces, yes.
i have assigned my advanced classes a project that i have done for years. it involves teaching a poem called "the permanent delegate" which is about the holocaust and a plea for people not to forget what happened. i put the class into 4 teams and they have to teach it, piece by piece, word by word. what i am looking for is thinking outside of the box and looking at each word, each image as something unique that could be interpreted in various ways.
since i started this project, i have written on a couple of copies of the poem all new interpretations that each group over the years has come up with. a few years ago i realized that they had covered the basic stuff, but that i wanted more from the students. so thus the BINGO was invented. basically, to even have a chance of the group getting an A on their part of the project they must make me write something new on the sheet. not an easy task, since i have heard most of it over the years.
not much was expected on my part. basically, these kids aren't doing much comprehension or analysis to the extent of previous years. i figured after last year when i had groups that got no bingos, that there wasn't any chance of that happening.
in my lowest skill wise class of advanced the miracle occurred.
first group: 7 bingos. i was quite shocked. they really worked hard and the neat thing was that the information spread to the other 2 classes. by the afternoon the b4 class had heard about b2's 7 bingos and wanted to beat them. they almost did. the bar got set BY THE STUDENTS and on we went.
when the 2nd group got up to do their section of the poem, i almost cried. they had gone to college level analysis. they had PowerPoint's, excepts from other writings, were analyzing the lines inside and out, from a jewish perspective, from a christian perspective, from a german historical perspective. they have not finished and already they have 10 bingos. i stopped writing down things and just listened, mesmerized, as they went on and on. the neat thing is that the kids NOT presenting were also participating. in the first group all but 2 kids in the class contributed to the class discussion and those new ideas didn't get counted as bingos because they didn't come from the presenters!
today my a4 class presented, and while it was good, it was a little boring in some ways. the kids in that class are not participating in the same way, which i sort of expected. and in a way, it is sort of sad because you know you can't keep up the momentum. however, you want to try!
this whole thing made me feel like they finally got it. i don't know what flipped the switch, but i think i am going to do this poetry unit in the fall instead of the spring next year. it seems to me that they were better able to analyze smaller things, like the poem, vs. the short stories and books we read. the big chunks they couldn't seem to consume. little pieces, yes.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
big graduation in a little town
my godson, carter (son of my best friend, pam) graduated from amelia academy this evening. there were 15 kids in his class, most of whom he had grown up with and gone to school with since kindergarten. the speaker was the former baseball coach and local pastor and also father of one of the boys graduating. the ceremony was held in the school gymnatorium with a lady playing "pomp and circumstance" on an old piano. there was cake and punch at the end of the graduation and people were sitting in folding chairs and on the gym bleachers. outside, next to the school, the kids were playing dixie league baseball.
a piece of americana. a little school in a county outside of a big city. many of the students graduating had parents who also had graduated from this school.
i have been in and out of amelia for over 30 years, as i met pam the first day of college and have continued to visit often over all of these years. i know a few backroads, the shortest routes, and have watched the first food lion come in and the first macdonalds, which apparently didn't make it, as i drove past it tonight and it was torn down! it is a little place where everyone waves at each other as you pass in the car and you actually know the people. there is a village square and the courthouse, various family run businesses, including holman motors, now being run by the son of the original owner. a place where things pass down from one family to the next and not a lot changes. oh, some things have. when i first began going up there, there were only a handful of restaurants and you had to do your grocery shopping in richmond. no fast food restaurants, one truck stop, and a chuck's dairy freeze for sweets. winterham's market is still there, as is busic's in town, but busics closes after lunch...
while i never thought i would say this, i think there is much to be said for living in a place where the traffic is low, people still farm, and nature is still not totally taken over by satellite dishes and stoplights...
a piece of americana. a little school in a county outside of a big city. many of the students graduating had parents who also had graduated from this school.
i have been in and out of amelia for over 30 years, as i met pam the first day of college and have continued to visit often over all of these years. i know a few backroads, the shortest routes, and have watched the first food lion come in and the first macdonalds, which apparently didn't make it, as i drove past it tonight and it was torn down! it is a little place where everyone waves at each other as you pass in the car and you actually know the people. there is a village square and the courthouse, various family run businesses, including holman motors, now being run by the son of the original owner. a place where things pass down from one family to the next and not a lot changes. oh, some things have. when i first began going up there, there were only a handful of restaurants and you had to do your grocery shopping in richmond. no fast food restaurants, one truck stop, and a chuck's dairy freeze for sweets. winterham's market is still there, as is busic's in town, but busics closes after lunch...
while i never thought i would say this, i think there is much to be said for living in a place where the traffic is low, people still farm, and nature is still not totally taken over by satellite dishes and stoplights...
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
austin makes lst team All-District
austin came back to the fold last night after an extended "visit" to his father's house(since last wednesday...we definitely needed a break from each other!) he was surprised to learn he had been voted to the lst team All-District as the best Designated Hitter. this was good, as his goal for the year had been to make lst team, but he thought it was lost because of the injury to his hip! he also made the all-district academic team as well. he also has a chance to be voted to the all regional team. his batting average for the season was somewhere between .600 and .700.
atlee is in the district playoffs starting tomorrow night. we will see what happens. they are playing the district regular season champs, hanover. however, jake mayers, the ace, is not pitching that game. if they win, i will have to miss the finals, believe it or not. carter, my godson, is graduating from amelia academy and is the salutatorian and giving a speech. however, you only graduate from high school once. baseball is forever! :)
atlee is in the district playoffs starting tomorrow night. we will see what happens. they are playing the district regular season champs, hanover. however, jake mayers, the ace, is not pitching that game. if they win, i will have to miss the finals, believe it or not. carter, my godson, is graduating from amelia academy and is the salutatorian and giving a speech. however, you only graduate from high school once. baseball is forever! :)
Sunday, May 18, 2008
manic production
it used to be that i could be a little manic at times, and i still am...in the head...but physically...kinda hard to do.
however, i have been productive this weekend, even though i feel like i have been beaten with a blunt instrument. being productive is important to me and makes me feel like i have a reason to suck air...so, just for me, some of my accomplishments for the weekend so far...
today...it is 10:15 as i write this, and already i have been up, been to the fas-mart and vacuumed out my car. then on to wal-mart, where i shopped for the week. home, unloaded groceries, tamped down the ground and placed the 4 paver stones under the smokey cooker. i chopped down the growing tree under the deck, cleaned out the smokey cooker and started the fire in there, put the dry rub on the brisket, and now i am blogging...things to do today: finish the laundry and fold it, week out the two vegetable beds and plant the tomatoes, cukes and squash that i got from pam's yesterday. need to read the paper and i want to scan some pictures as potential things to use in headers i might make.
yesterday: a bath (i don't get much time to do that), sprayed roundup around the yard (again), drilled holes in the ceramic pots and coffee cups that i wanted to put plants in; planted some flowers in the front bed; shipped the shoes back to zappos; went through amy's chili pepper stuff in her bins; read the paper; went up to pam's and planted plants in the pots i had drilled; got more plants; then pam and i went out in the kubota about a half mile or so to a field louis had plowed that was filled with rocks!
rock nirvana! heaven! for me, this is a sign of how bad my life must really be when the highlight of the day is finding a field full of rocks and then walking in the dirt in my birkies to get them and throw them in the back of the kubota! what a sight pam and i must have been to a god somewhere...trying not to hit bodie the dog with the kubota and sinking up to the rims almost from the weight of the rocks we collected. i transferred about half of them to the trunk of the car and later unloaded them when i got home. the other half we dumped in a pile by the greenhouse to get when i go back up there on thursday for carter's graduation. if i could, i would go and get more, as once louis seeds the field, we are done for rock collecting there. taylor's sister becky came up after we had dumped the rocks and said she had been on the farm clearing horse trails and had a lot of rocks out there i could get later if i wanted them. basically, even if you DON'T want them, you gather them. buying rocks is horrendously expensive, and i find all sorts of things to do with them. i hope to remortar and remodel the waterfall this summer, and i will use them for that.
i headed home looking like a low rider with all the weight in the car, and i was packed to the gills with tomato plants and other vegetable stuff, more than i can use. i stopped by mary beth and david's house on the way home and visited briefly with them. that was nice! their yard is wonderful to look at and MB and i chatted and got caught up on life. i like talking to MB about spiritual stuff and she made some suggestions of books to read and a lecture by a guy named pausch who gave his last college lecture (he has pancreatic cancer) and it is on youtube.
i came home, unloaded the rocks, and watched a bit of tv before playing some yellow car out on the computer and then crashing. i drank a lot of tea yesterday, and i stopped at wawa and got a cup of coffee and more diet green tea on the way home. i had the windows open in the car and was listening to the new AWAKE cd by josh groban and i was very content.
being content is what it is all about, and i like the fact that i have been so, despite being in a lot of pain. i often lose perspective about he pain thing, and over long periods of time it makes me more of a bitch and a lot more over reactionary. i am working to get back to the place where i can be productive, calm, and not depressed despite it. not easy work, but doable...
however, i have been productive this weekend, even though i feel like i have been beaten with a blunt instrument. being productive is important to me and makes me feel like i have a reason to suck air...so, just for me, some of my accomplishments for the weekend so far...
today...it is 10:15 as i write this, and already i have been up, been to the fas-mart and vacuumed out my car. then on to wal-mart, where i shopped for the week. home, unloaded groceries, tamped down the ground and placed the 4 paver stones under the smokey cooker. i chopped down the growing tree under the deck, cleaned out the smokey cooker and started the fire in there, put the dry rub on the brisket, and now i am blogging...things to do today: finish the laundry and fold it, week out the two vegetable beds and plant the tomatoes, cukes and squash that i got from pam's yesterday. need to read the paper and i want to scan some pictures as potential things to use in headers i might make.
yesterday: a bath (i don't get much time to do that), sprayed roundup around the yard (again), drilled holes in the ceramic pots and coffee cups that i wanted to put plants in; planted some flowers in the front bed; shipped the shoes back to zappos; went through amy's chili pepper stuff in her bins; read the paper; went up to pam's and planted plants in the pots i had drilled; got more plants; then pam and i went out in the kubota about a half mile or so to a field louis had plowed that was filled with rocks!
rock nirvana! heaven! for me, this is a sign of how bad my life must really be when the highlight of the day is finding a field full of rocks and then walking in the dirt in my birkies to get them and throw them in the back of the kubota! what a sight pam and i must have been to a god somewhere...trying not to hit bodie the dog with the kubota and sinking up to the rims almost from the weight of the rocks we collected. i transferred about half of them to the trunk of the car and later unloaded them when i got home. the other half we dumped in a pile by the greenhouse to get when i go back up there on thursday for carter's graduation. if i could, i would go and get more, as once louis seeds the field, we are done for rock collecting there. taylor's sister becky came up after we had dumped the rocks and said she had been on the farm clearing horse trails and had a lot of rocks out there i could get later if i wanted them. basically, even if you DON'T want them, you gather them. buying rocks is horrendously expensive, and i find all sorts of things to do with them. i hope to remortar and remodel the waterfall this summer, and i will use them for that.
i headed home looking like a low rider with all the weight in the car, and i was packed to the gills with tomato plants and other vegetable stuff, more than i can use. i stopped by mary beth and david's house on the way home and visited briefly with them. that was nice! their yard is wonderful to look at and MB and i chatted and got caught up on life. i like talking to MB about spiritual stuff and she made some suggestions of books to read and a lecture by a guy named pausch who gave his last college lecture (he has pancreatic cancer) and it is on youtube.
i came home, unloaded the rocks, and watched a bit of tv before playing some yellow car out on the computer and then crashing. i drank a lot of tea yesterday, and i stopped at wawa and got a cup of coffee and more diet green tea on the way home. i had the windows open in the car and was listening to the new AWAKE cd by josh groban and i was very content.
being content is what it is all about, and i like the fact that i have been so, despite being in a lot of pain. i often lose perspective about he pain thing, and over long periods of time it makes me more of a bitch and a lot more over reactionary. i am working to get back to the place where i can be productive, calm, and not depressed despite it. not easy work, but doable...
Saturday, May 17, 2008
frogs
i am sorry to report that one of my front waterfall frogs, probably the big guy, bud, has croaked...his last croak it appears. i had never seen bud, but found his body this afternoon lying in the rocks next to the water. he appeared to have been either squished or bitten...there was a small bit of gut action going on...
bud will be missed. i have been impressed by his tenor voice and his ability to predict the rain. his compadres, weise and er, are small frogs. weise lives under the shutter next to my front porch swing and has been seen once. he is amazingly small, as is er. er was up on the front porch last summer and i took pictures of him. i could not believe his minature size! er is always the last to chime in.
i couldn't just let bud rot in the sun, nor could i bring myself to bury a frog, no matter how soothing his voice has been. so i carried him over to the shade below one of my dogwood trees and threw him there, to become one with the mulch. i don't think the rabbits are much interested in eating him, although he was a rather long, slinky frog.
there are tadpoles in the pond, so he has certainly left behind a legacy...
a hole in the sand...
working through disappointment with people and hurt feelings has never been a strong point for me. however, i am finding as i get older (and more menopausal!) that i am becoming a lot more thin-skinned and less forgiving. well, i don't like that about myself, but it is what it is. i just have to work a little harder at being positive.
i don't have to change the world, but i do need to feel like i am making some sort of impression in the sand. that is just me. i know the wind will blow, and the impressions go away. but i still have to dig around and build something in it. maybe it is my students, maybe my son. it might be my gardens and flower beds or my jewelry or my sculptures and pottery. all of them are outlets, like this blog, a way to find something shining when it appears to be cloudy.
or i can just go and get the lexpro dosage updated...and that would solve the problem, wouldn't it? !
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
the mayo jar & 2 cups of coffee...
The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee
When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.' The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--GOD, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.The sand is everything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. 'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Praying and asking God to help, Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.' One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. 'I'm glad you asked.It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'
from an email sent by tammy ramsey...i did as asked (send it on) and circulated it from school. got a couple of emails back, including from the principal, thanking me for sending it, that it was good...
maybe you could do the same...send it on...
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Today's daily OM is again sort of in line with how i have been feeling. i am probably more than a little disconnected from what i should be doing. there have been plenty of distractions, in particular dealing with this difficult time with austin. i have spent the last week doing things like working on this blog, learning html code, thinking about writing things. i have sought out some help with photoshop 7.0 and photoshop elements 6.0, and have been actively engaged in trying to at least think about some things that are stimulating to me creatively. today after school i went spent a few minutes with the graphics arts teacher figuring out how to do something on photoshop. then i went to the ruriteens meeting and helped there. then, on the spur of the moment, i went to the greenhouse and took the after school free horticulture class and made a concrete stepping stone and learned about concrete and some design stuff. i went to barnes and nobles to research books on photoshop, and i went to austin's baseball game. he is continuing to be a total shit right now, so these things are good. i am trying to reconnect with things i like, as i seem to be treading water in the household sewer right now. anyway, i thought this was a bit positive and i am pasting it down and passing it on.
Feeling Our Life - Finding Our Life’s Work
Sometimes it takes us the better part of a lifetime to discover our life’s work, even though we may have been doing it our whole lives without necessarily realizing it. Our life’s work is not always what we do to make money, although we often think it should be, and sometimes this way of thinking prevents us from seeing clearly what it is. It may be the work of having children, caring for them, and running a household. The way we know our life’s work is by how we feel when we are doing it. When we are doing our life’s work, we feel an uncanny sense of ease and alignment. This doesn’t mean that the work is always easy, and it doesn’t mean that it’s the only work we have to do; it just means that there is a conviction deep inside us that tells us we are in tune with our innermost self. When we are engaged in our life’s work, our bodies feel more alive, because our energy is devoted to a cause that, in turn, feeds us. We may be tired after engaging in our life’s work, but we are almost never depleted. We feel grounded in the world, knowing that we belong here and have something important to offer. When we are deeply unhappy, depressed, or subject to one illness after another, this may be due to a sense of disconnection from our life’s work. At times like these, finding the work we are meant to do is an essential act of healing. Most of us remember a time when we felt fully engaged in some act of work, service or creativity, and it is here that we may rediscover the work we are meant to do now. On the other hand, it may be time to explore what inspires us through volunteering, taking a class, going back to school, or just doing whatever it is we long to try. We all have callings, and when we find them, we owe it to ourselves to nurture and protect them, because while they may or may not be our livelihood, they are the keys to our wellbeing.
Sometimes it takes us the better part of a lifetime to discover our life’s work, even though we may have been doing it our whole lives without necessarily realizing it. Our life’s work is not always what we do to make money, although we often think it should be, and sometimes this way of thinking prevents us from seeing clearly what it is. It may be the work of having children, caring for them, and running a household. The way we know our life’s work is by how we feel when we are doing it. When we are doing our life’s work, we feel an uncanny sense of ease and alignment. This doesn’t mean that the work is always easy, and it doesn’t mean that it’s the only work we have to do; it just means that there is a conviction deep inside us that tells us we are in tune with our innermost self. When we are engaged in our life’s work, our bodies feel more alive, because our energy is devoted to a cause that, in turn, feeds us. We may be tired after engaging in our life’s work, but we are almost never depleted. We feel grounded in the world, knowing that we belong here and have something important to offer. When we are deeply unhappy, depressed, or subject to one illness after another, this may be due to a sense of disconnection from our life’s work. At times like these, finding the work we are meant to do is an essential act of healing. Most of us remember a time when we felt fully engaged in some act of work, service or creativity, and it is here that we may rediscover the work we are meant to do now. On the other hand, it may be time to explore what inspires us through volunteering, taking a class, going back to school, or just doing whatever it is we long to try. We all have callings, and when we find them, we owe it to ourselves to nurture and protect them, because while they may or may not be our livelihood, they are the keys to our wellbeing.
Monday, May 12, 2008
how to deal with disappointment with man...
i am having, again, a total exasperation with humanity in general. why do people have to act so badly to each other? why are we so totally self-centered so much of the time? how do people live with what they do and not feel any guilt? how do the junta leaders in myanmar live with themselves? over 28,000 people dead from a cyclone, bodies bloated and rotting, people dying of typhoid. and they refuse help from the united nations and the u.s.a., and they kick people out of the schools that were being used as shelters so they could have a vote on the constitution that would take even more rights away from the people? how can anyone justify that kind of action and sleep well at night?
why won't hillary clinton quit? what can she gain other than making more and more people divide in this country? how can she get up in the morning with a clear conscience? why doesn't she see that her personal need for power shouldn't trump what is best for the country?
why do kids talk rudely to adults? why do people simply buy gifts for mother's day, birthdays, christmas and think because they bought SOMETHING that is means anything?
on the daily OM today there was a way to address this. i think things have a reason for popping up in my life, like angel pennies, when i need them. this seems to fit the bill...
May 12, 2008 In The World And In Ourselves Feeling Fed Up With Humanity
From time to time, we may all feel fed up with humanity, whether it's from learning about what's going on around the world, or what’s going on next door. There are always situations that leave us feeling as if people are simply not capable of behaving in a way that is coming from a place of awareness. Often it seems as if people are actually geared to handle things in the worst possible way, repeatedly. At the same time, none of us wants to linger in a judgmental mood about our own species. As a result, we might tend to repress the feelings coming up as we take in the news from the world and the neighborhood. It is natural to feel let down and disappointed when we see our fellow humans behaving in ways that are greedy, selfish, violent, or uncaring, but there are also ways to process that disappointment without sinking into despondency. As with any emotional response, we honor our feelings by feeling them fully, without judging or acting on them. Once we've done that—and we may need to do it every day, as part of our daily self-care—we can begin to consider ways that we might help the situation in which humanity finds itself. As always, we start with ourselves, utilizing our awareness of the failings of others to renew our own commitment to be more conscious human beings. We are all capable of the best and the worst that humanity has to offer, and remembering this keeps us in check, as well as allowing us to find compassion for others. We may find ourselves feeling compelled to serve people who are suffering injustices at the hands of other people, or we may begin to speak out when we see something that we don’t think is right. Whatever the case, the only thing we can do is pledge to serve the best, rather than the worst, of what humanity has to offer, both in the world, and in ourselves.
why won't hillary clinton quit? what can she gain other than making more and more people divide in this country? how can she get up in the morning with a clear conscience? why doesn't she see that her personal need for power shouldn't trump what is best for the country?
why do kids talk rudely to adults? why do people simply buy gifts for mother's day, birthdays, christmas and think because they bought SOMETHING that is means anything?
on the daily OM today there was a way to address this. i think things have a reason for popping up in my life, like angel pennies, when i need them. this seems to fit the bill...
May 12, 2008 In The World And In Ourselves Feeling Fed Up With Humanity
From time to time, we may all feel fed up with humanity, whether it's from learning about what's going on around the world, or what’s going on next door. There are always situations that leave us feeling as if people are simply not capable of behaving in a way that is coming from a place of awareness. Often it seems as if people are actually geared to handle things in the worst possible way, repeatedly. At the same time, none of us wants to linger in a judgmental mood about our own species. As a result, we might tend to repress the feelings coming up as we take in the news from the world and the neighborhood. It is natural to feel let down and disappointed when we see our fellow humans behaving in ways that are greedy, selfish, violent, or uncaring, but there are also ways to process that disappointment without sinking into despondency. As with any emotional response, we honor our feelings by feeling them fully, without judging or acting on them. Once we've done that—and we may need to do it every day, as part of our daily self-care—we can begin to consider ways that we might help the situation in which humanity finds itself. As always, we start with ourselves, utilizing our awareness of the failings of others to renew our own commitment to be more conscious human beings. We are all capable of the best and the worst that humanity has to offer, and remembering this keeps us in check, as well as allowing us to find compassion for others. We may find ourselves feeling compelled to serve people who are suffering injustices at the hands of other people, or we may begin to speak out when we see something that we don’t think is right. Whatever the case, the only thing we can do is pledge to serve the best, rather than the worst, of what humanity has to offer, both in the world, and in ourselves.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
new look, part II
well, after an all night marathon of blogging heaven, i can say that i have achieved some level of understanding of html code and how to make a header all my own! this has been quite inspirational. i don't know when the last time was that i stayed up until almost 5 a.m., but work i did. hope you like the new look. i am designing other "looks" with the other headers that i made, and i will change the looks periodically depending on my mood!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
you might be a school employee if...
...you believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick
....you want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have your summers off ."
....it is difficult to name your own child because there's no name you can
come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is uttered
....you can tell it's a full moon or if it going to rain, snow, hail....anything!!! Without ever looking outside
....you believe, "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on a report card
....you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
....when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior
....you have no social life between August and June
....you think people should have a government permit before being allowed to reproduce
....you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge."
....you encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling and are willing to donate the UHAUL boxes should they decide to move out of district
....you think caffeine should be available in intravenous form
....you can't imagine how the ACLU could think that covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be misunderstood by the public
....meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"
....you would choose a mammogram over a parent conference
....you think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons...and desks and chairs for that matter!!!
"We are angels with but one wing, and to fly we must embrace each other"
....you want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have your summers off ."
....it is difficult to name your own child because there's no name you can
come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is uttered
....you can tell it's a full moon or if it going to rain, snow, hail....anything!!! Without ever looking outside
....you believe, "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on a report card
....you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
....when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior
....you have no social life between August and June
....you think people should have a government permit before being allowed to reproduce
....you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge."
....you encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling and are willing to donate the UHAUL boxes should they decide to move out of district
....you think caffeine should be available in intravenous form
....you can't imagine how the ACLU could think that covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be misunderstood by the public
....meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"
....you would choose a mammogram over a parent conference
....you think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons...and desks and chairs for that matter!!!
"We are angels with but one wing, and to fly we must embrace each other"
Sunday, May 4, 2008
new look...!
i have been playing with trying to get a 3rd column on this. i finally found some instructions and tonight have been tweaking the blog. i now have 3 columns, but they aren't placed where i want them. soooo...back to the html board...i hope to get the blog posts in the middle and to bracket it with the 2 columns. i thought that was what i was doing, but apparently some piece of code is wrong. anyway, this is a new start. eventually, i hope to have new background and a better header, something more personal and designed by me. we'll se...
Friday, May 2, 2008
fortunate friday!
my former student, maddie, has a THANKFUL THURSDAY where she once a week list things she is thankful for. i missed thursday somehow, and now it is friday, so today were are having FORTUNATE FRIDAY!
no headaches this week i did have one a couple of days ago, and decided to break down and try drinking caffeine to get rid of it. so i drank about an inch and a half of suzanne hall's "jet fuel" that is disguised as coffee, and, lo and behold, the headache went away! i am still a bit skeptical, but it worked and that is good. another trick in the pretty empty bag of headache cures...
verizon finally sent me a check for the money they have owed me since january... well, what a pleasant shock. and i had just quit thinking that i couldn't move that mountain. apparently someone took pity on me. they wacked my checking account BY MISTAKE for over $600 in january and then set a new record for ineptness and ignorance. one idiot forgot to flip a switch on austin's new cell phone when we transferred from one physical phone to another. that meant they charged for the text messages...WRONG. long story short...they decided to "credit" my account. well, that certainly pays for groceries, doesn't it? they have an intricate and torturous system that is designed to wear you down to a totally nub, the idea being that if you are worn out and befuddled, you will stop demanding your money.
apparently, there is a telephone god somewhere. the check is for $327.
i don't teach seniors...oh how fortunate i am! talk about wondering who will be pushing your wheel chair at the nursing home...these kids...geez. i have visions of flying down a hill and crashing because one of these self-centered, brain dead and unengaged wing-wangs didn't put the brake on the chair...because no one told her she had to do it. common sense...gone with the wind.
austin's batting average: .750 going into tonight's game, which was another on the field disaster. he did get a hit, and went 1-3 and did get to play a little at 3rd base. unfortunately, it wasn't enough, as we lost, again, to hanover. he is sitting downstairs, disgusted and grumpy, but he has done well and i have a lot of hope for the team in the future. not this year...it has been not a good year with coaches, parents, and disgruntled everyone. i stay out of it and drink my tea and keep my mouth shut.
seeing former students and getting hugs: both of the newcombs (bryan back from sweden and his sister, jessie), both vanleeuwen girls (triest and maddie) and the rainock girls (lorel and lenore)
hamburgers and hot dogs cooked outside: i had concession duty tonight and spent my 2 hours cooking on the grill. i now smell like what i sold. nothing like smokey hair to make you happy! i bet if there had been dogs around, i would have been the most popular person at the field!
good neighbors: bruce and amy are lots of fun and are a great help. i hung out with them eating their leftovers from john's party on saturday and we had fun conversation. i don't have much adult conversation about anything, so this was a treat. amy has ferried me back and forth this week to the various car dealerships so i could get both of my vehicles fixed.
no headaches this week i did have one a couple of days ago, and decided to break down and try drinking caffeine to get rid of it. so i drank about an inch and a half of suzanne hall's "jet fuel" that is disguised as coffee, and, lo and behold, the headache went away! i am still a bit skeptical, but it worked and that is good. another trick in the pretty empty bag of headache cures...
verizon finally sent me a check for the money they have owed me since january... well, what a pleasant shock. and i had just quit thinking that i couldn't move that mountain. apparently someone took pity on me. they wacked my checking account BY MISTAKE for over $600 in january and then set a new record for ineptness and ignorance. one idiot forgot to flip a switch on austin's new cell phone when we transferred from one physical phone to another. that meant they charged for the text messages...WRONG. long story short...they decided to "credit" my account. well, that certainly pays for groceries, doesn't it? they have an intricate and torturous system that is designed to wear you down to a totally nub, the idea being that if you are worn out and befuddled, you will stop demanding your money.
apparently, there is a telephone god somewhere. the check is for $327.
i don't teach seniors...oh how fortunate i am! talk about wondering who will be pushing your wheel chair at the nursing home...these kids...geez. i have visions of flying down a hill and crashing because one of these self-centered, brain dead and unengaged wing-wangs didn't put the brake on the chair...because no one told her she had to do it. common sense...gone with the wind.
austin's batting average: .750 going into tonight's game, which was another on the field disaster. he did get a hit, and went 1-3 and did get to play a little at 3rd base. unfortunately, it wasn't enough, as we lost, again, to hanover. he is sitting downstairs, disgusted and grumpy, but he has done well and i have a lot of hope for the team in the future. not this year...it has been not a good year with coaches, parents, and disgruntled everyone. i stay out of it and drink my tea and keep my mouth shut.
seeing former students and getting hugs: both of the newcombs (bryan back from sweden and his sister, jessie), both vanleeuwen girls (triest and maddie) and the rainock girls (lorel and lenore)
hamburgers and hot dogs cooked outside: i had concession duty tonight and spent my 2 hours cooking on the grill. i now smell like what i sold. nothing like smokey hair to make you happy! i bet if there had been dogs around, i would have been the most popular person at the field!
good neighbors: bruce and amy are lots of fun and are a great help. i hung out with them eating their leftovers from john's party on saturday and we had fun conversation. i don't have much adult conversation about anything, so this was a treat. amy has ferried me back and forth this week to the various car dealerships so i could get both of my vehicles fixed.
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