my advanced english students read chinua achebe's THINGS FALL APART as their summer reading assignment.
this book deals with the "falling apart" of the society in an nigerian village in the 1890's. the final blow to the way of life comes with the invasion of christian missionaries to the area. these missionaries sole purpose is to convert the polytheistic natives to christianity. these missionaries, as are ALL missionaries of any sort, are firm in their belief that what they are bringing the "heathen culture" is better than what they have, and therefore, is a good thing.
i have had some time to absorb this idea since bush has put us smackdab in the middle of a modern day "things fall apart" situation. it is called IRAQ. our presence in this country truly does illustrate the arrogance that we as a society have about the rightness and correctness of how we live.
it seems to me that one of the things that makes life interesting is DIVERSITY. however, it seems as human beings, we don't honor that concept. there seems to be an overwhelming need to reject that which is different because it takes us emotionally out of our comfort zone of what is "normal." the whole normal concept is sad too, in that we spend so much time looking around at others and then judging ourselves, our self-worth, our successes based on some sort of mythical yardstick. of course, there IS going to be a yardstick in any culture, and cultures exist in a variety of areas big and small. as a teacher of high school students, i recognize my school alone as having its own culture. it isn't exactly reflective of even the society of our city, richmond, as we have approximately 1,350 students and of that number maybe 100 are minorities. that sets up a really interesting "normal" and makes it pretty hard for the minority kids to feel accepted.
this issue came to the fore 2 days ago when the use of the word "nigger" was brought up in a classroom discussion. personally, i hate the word and, as a child, had my mouth washed out for saying it..once. it didn't happen again. the word was a racial slur and a huge divider in 1950-60's culture. to this day it makes me uncomfortable and i understand its power. however, a whole generation of black students have been raised in a culture where the word can be used amongst themselves without the connotations that i associate with it. thus came the argument/debate in this classroom setting. the white kids wanted to know why it was ok for black kids to use it, but they were not allowed to use it.
this is not an unknown or undiscussed subject. but it suddenly exploded into a nasty, hurtful and ultimately useless discussion because of the "culture" of that classroom. there were 3 black students, the rest all white. this reflected the school setup, and in our case, white is the majority, and therefore "normal." black students expressing themselves as they normally would is often bothersome to a few because it goes against the grain of the vanilla-whitebread society that is mostly in charge in at least this area of our county. everyone is middle class white. they (including myself) don't live in racially or economically diverse neighborhoods, and the schools in turn reflect this. when this discussion occurred in class, the teachers asked the black students to explain this to the white students. the result was a disaster, with one of the girls dissolving into tears, and the other into outward anger. the teachers did not understand their reaction, as they considered everyone "equal" in the classroom.
this is a mistake that sometimes we white people make. in an effort to try and make everyone equal, we bend over backwards to erase the differences. the concept, i suppose, is to homogenize everyone while at the same time giving lip service to celebrating differences. in actuality, we don't. i often remind my culturally comfortable students of the fact that they are the majority and their belief systems and comfort zones are bolstered by NUMBERS. what if they were suddenly one of 70 white students in an urban, lower socio economic school? how would they feel if suddenly a majority classroom of black students began, as a group, to question them about their whiteness and their differences from the now-majority white people? i don't think that too many of them would react any differently than their ethnically different classmates. there is an arrogance that comes with being a part of the majority white culture, and that has been there since this country was founded. it was not founded by ethnically diverse people. it was founded by WHITE PEOPLE looking for religious freedom, people who were so desperate to be able to be DIVERSE AND WORSHIP DIFFERENTLY that they put themselves on small boats, crossed a forbidding ocean under the worst of circumstances, and their reward was a land full of mosquitos, mysteries, native americans, and hardship. interesting thing about that diversity thing, however. once we got here, everyone had to be a puritan and worship the same way. the native american tribes here were savages not particularly worthy of anything but our contempt, and we set about creating a new society that was ironically based upon the old one they had sacrificed to escape.
this kind of arrogance isn't just limited to white people of european descent. go to any culture, anywhere, and you will see it...the need to say "my way is superior" and we go about making it that way by the old "might is right" concept. a show of physical force has the same results, whether is comes from hutus and other rwandan tribes butchering each other with machetes, to american tanks filled with soldiers and weapons. which one is more civilized? this was the ironic question that was posed in achebe's book THINGS FALL APART. in the end, the white culture does succeed in molding the black tribes. but by doing so, they destroy the things that were important to this culture. they chopped out the heart, only to replace it with what these missionaries considered to be a new and better heart. but is that true? do we as human beings always have to be on a crusade to convert every culture to our own? if there is a higher power, do you really think he would ask us to go out and make these people leave their bedrock beliefs to convert to ours? i suspect that a truly benevolent god, the one i believe in, not only created all types of people, but has made us all diverse and wonderful in order for us to learn something about beauty. it comes in all sorts of packages. soul growth comes from diversity and dealing with life outside of our comfort zone. in essence, life is about constantly resetting the boundaries for our comfort zone. i would think that even jesus wouldn't have hated a hutu warrior, and he wouldn't have told a gay person to give up being gay because if not, he/she is going to hell. what is hell? hell is living on earth with no sense of happiness, no sense of security. we live in our selected societal worlds which are ironically built upon shifting sand. however, we are often insistent that we channel our energies into making sure the sand is converted to concrete and doesn't go away.
a solid belief system, a solid, traditional society in a culture is also not a bad thing. this was the other side to the story in achebe's book. what was wrong with honoring your gods generation after generation? what was wrong with having a hierachy in the village if everyone for the most part was happy with it and didn't complain? yes, they did some things there that we wouldn't tolerate in our society, not the least of which was killing people who broke laws or rules or banishing people from the society for again violating time honored traditions. we consider these acts to be acts of small minded barbarians. yes, maybe so. but what are we basing this upon? european, christian based tradition. a pygmy society in south america or a society of islanders in the south pacific aren't necessarily going to be made happier or spiritually better by having what is normal to them replaced by what we consider to be better. a good working example of that is the shameful way we "subdued" the native americans in our country. one look at how they have adopted or adapted our western european lifestyle ought to show the value, or lack thereof, of this mindset. are native americans better off on their reservations? have we honored their cultures? are they better off because we rounded them up, put them on reservations that can support no visible ways of making a living in the white world? are they a better people because we took their children from them and forced them to go to school miles away from their families, forced them to convert to christianity, and forced them to learn english and abandon their traditional native languages and cultures? i would have to think the answer is pretty obvious.
from the classrooms of hanover county to the streets of rwanda, from the huts of islanders in the south pacific to the towns of iraq, we keep pushing forward with an agenda filled with arrogance. it seems to me that we should honor people's rights to live their lives as they wish. the only common denominator should be that we harm no one else in the process. this would include the abuse, especially sexually, of children in any culture. but even drawing that line would be difficult i think. we complain about the sexual mutilation of young girls in certain african tribes and how that should be stopped. but at the same time, this is what is "normal" to these tribes, and has been as long as they have existed. to "civilized" society, inflicting pain upon a child in this manner is an abomination and should be stopped. but their culture might consider our permissive society and its influence on our children an equal abomination because we have no set rules and they are always under discussion.
everything in life doesn't need to be discussed, debated or destroyed. while the "n word" question was a legitimate one in the classroom situation i described, it was handled in a way that reflected the majority's belief concerning sensitivity and fairness. not much thought went into how it would feel if you were the minority under the microscope like a bug. it wasn't so much the forcing of the answers from the minority students as it was the insensitivity of the majority to the position we had put those kids in. i do not believe that either of the two teachers in the classroom thought they were doing anything wrong. in fact, i believe they were following what they considered to be a right path of equal questioning from both sides. however, when the balance is glaringly off kilter in favor of one side, as it was in this situation, some sensitivity to that position probably should have been considered. however, i wasn't there, and i truly cannot judge what happened. i can only point out that we as humans need to be constantly thinking not only about what we think is normal, but what is normal for the other person gazing back at us. we may not like what we see, and we are free, at least in this country, to walk away from it and to retreat to our comfort zone. however, to continue to do that does not in the long run help anything. it only perpettuates the polarizations that exist worldwide as well as in this country. wouldn't life be sweet if we could, as rodney king ironically said, "just all get along."
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Thursday, September 15, 2005
in the fibro fog
i have a wonderful little disease called fibromyalgia. it is a good disease to have if you want to develop a sense of humor. you want to tell yourself that god must be playing a joke on you to give you this wonderful cross to bear each day. so as a result, you have to learn to laugh and make lemonade out of the lemon.
fibro has a variety of symptoms that wax and wane, but never entirely go away. each individual has to deal with certain symptoms and/or combinations of symptoms almost on a daily basis. the two biggest ones are constant overall pain and the lack of deep sleep. for those who don't know what this pain is about, remember how you feel the day you come down with the flu. your whole body aches, and sometimes it feels as if even your hair hurts. well, that is how it feels for a fibro person like me. the pain is everywhere . it is further complicated by the fact that you don't get any deep sleep, so you can't get the pain to go away. drugs don't do it. actually, the only thing that does help is exercise, which is usually the last thing you don't want to do when everything hurts. imagine someone telling you to go out and walk for 30 minutes on the first day of the flu. we also suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome, which in it self makes you exhausted. there are other symptoms as well: migraine headaches, muscle weakness(i drop things a lot and choke), visual problems(from the muscle weakness), and the ultimate culmination of all the symptoms over a long period of time: FIBRO FOG.
the fog has been the most frustrating thing to me, especially now. i need to be sharp to teach my kids, and i keep ending up in the english workroom wondering what it was i went in there for...! i ask the same thing over and over again because i can't remember the answer, and then i repeat myself in class, or forget where i was in the middle of a discussion. not the best thing to happen if you are an english teacher.
right now i feel like i have been beaten with a blunt instrument. but the good news is that i discovered today that they actually have iced tea in the cafeteria at lunch. today was also reuben day, a big one that everyone looks forward to. i used my dreaded lunch duty to power walk, so i have gotten in my 30 minutes of exercise today and actually broke a sweat. franklin, one of our school's special ed students who is retarded and deaf, tried to communicate with me today and gave me a crushing bear hug which i wasn't expecting. i also was really on today in my b2 class, and i think they really got what i was discussing. i made a point of telling some of my colleagues this, as we spend way too much time complaining about stuff and not celebrating the little miracles when they occur. no one has come to me complaining today that i made some sort of faxu pax last night at back to school night, which is good, since i seem to be the focal point for trouble because i think and act differently. i was able to eat my whole reuben lunch (over 2 hours) without getting sick, a new thing. and in general, i am feeling lucky in a lot of ways. i am here, i am able to do things, i have a house, and i got a paycheck with a real amount today. the latter is a big deal in my life, as i have been docked $700 a month since april/may.
fibro has a variety of symptoms that wax and wane, but never entirely go away. each individual has to deal with certain symptoms and/or combinations of symptoms almost on a daily basis. the two biggest ones are constant overall pain and the lack of deep sleep. for those who don't know what this pain is about, remember how you feel the day you come down with the flu. your whole body aches, and sometimes it feels as if even your hair hurts. well, that is how it feels for a fibro person like me. the pain is everywhere . it is further complicated by the fact that you don't get any deep sleep, so you can't get the pain to go away. drugs don't do it. actually, the only thing that does help is exercise, which is usually the last thing you don't want to do when everything hurts. imagine someone telling you to go out and walk for 30 minutes on the first day of the flu. we also suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome, which in it self makes you exhausted. there are other symptoms as well: migraine headaches, muscle weakness(i drop things a lot and choke), visual problems(from the muscle weakness), and the ultimate culmination of all the symptoms over a long period of time: FIBRO FOG.
the fog has been the most frustrating thing to me, especially now. i need to be sharp to teach my kids, and i keep ending up in the english workroom wondering what it was i went in there for...! i ask the same thing over and over again because i can't remember the answer, and then i repeat myself in class, or forget where i was in the middle of a discussion. not the best thing to happen if you are an english teacher.
right now i feel like i have been beaten with a blunt instrument. but the good news is that i discovered today that they actually have iced tea in the cafeteria at lunch. today was also reuben day, a big one that everyone looks forward to. i used my dreaded lunch duty to power walk, so i have gotten in my 30 minutes of exercise today and actually broke a sweat. franklin, one of our school's special ed students who is retarded and deaf, tried to communicate with me today and gave me a crushing bear hug which i wasn't expecting. i also was really on today in my b2 class, and i think they really got what i was discussing. i made a point of telling some of my colleagues this, as we spend way too much time complaining about stuff and not celebrating the little miracles when they occur. no one has come to me complaining today that i made some sort of faxu pax last night at back to school night, which is good, since i seem to be the focal point for trouble because i think and act differently. i was able to eat my whole reuben lunch (over 2 hours) without getting sick, a new thing. and in general, i am feeling lucky in a lot of ways. i am here, i am able to do things, i have a house, and i got a paycheck with a real amount today. the latter is a big deal in my life, as i have been docked $700 a month since april/may.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
anatomy of a good day
on sunday, i found out the name of the guy who stands across the aisle from me at church services each sunday. his name is billy. he lives in one of the group homes near the church, and he helped me unload a bunch of care boxes and other donated items for katrina relief. this was a positive thing. i also got my copy of the sunday ny times, which was also good, as that was only the 2nd time in 5 weeks. another good sign.
when god closes up a door, he generally opens up a window somewhere. for me, i look for signs, and generally it comes in the form of pennies from heaven. i believe that when you find one, it means that an angel or someone who has passed on is sending you a sign that he/she is looking out for you. my experience has been that i generally find one when i need one, in the least likely of places. they always cheer me up and give me some glimmer of hope. to get to a rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
so i found the penny on my way into the WaWa in petersburg, va. it was after a few other nice things had happened.
i had been to church, and the music was super. it was a throw together band, as the music director had to suddenly leave and return to his home in texas due to family problems. music is such a strength at the church, so there was just the worry of "who will take over"? but once again, a higher power came through, and people pitched in and the music was wonderful. it reaffirmed why i like this little church congregation.
on my drive to petersburg (austin was playing in a baseball tourney), i talked on the phone to david modena, the husband of my college roomie, mary beth. mb and i have periodic "adventures" which usually involve some sort of music or interesting thing to do. david always jokes that we are off to smoke dope and get drunk, although neither of us do any of that anymore! the new adventure is a trip to d.c. in january to a conference a the hyatt capital hill. it seems that 2 of my recent rave-abouts, anne lamott (author) and richard rohr(radical franciscan priest) are together with another author for one day there! how good is that?! what was better is that david wants to go with mb and i to this. so i have something really cool to look forward to.
but back to WaWa. i love WaWa. what a wacky name! but i really love their brand ice tea, which is cheap and good, and i love the fact that you can buy a washington post or ny times sunday edition there. the added treat on sunday was the gas was ten cents cheaper there than in richmond, and i found the penny going in to buy the tea. a shiny, new penny. it made me smile and i looked around for the angel.
austin's team won the tournament, and they looked wonderful. he played with confidence and watching these boys play this weekend was the culmination of 6 years worth of work to get the best players in his age group all on one team at one time. they will be national contenders this summer. they all seemed to be happy, disciplined, talented boys. what a plus.
bebo came to austin's last game and he and i had a long chat in the stands about life, which has gotten very complicated very fast. it was sort of a bonding moment, one that i doubt i will get again in light of his recent engagement and the struggles his fiancee is having with my relationship with bebo and his family. he is a good person, but his communications skills have always been open to question, as have some of the choices he has made. i feel strongly that the best thing for austin is for me not to lay blame on either bebo or his fiancee about the difficulties between austin and his father. i think the issue is her insecurity, and the best way i know to assuage her feelings is to address the issue and not run from it. she is trying to force a separation that is indeed necessary, but could be avoided or made less obvious and awkward if she were less worried about being the alpha dog. in any case, there are some hard issues coming up concerning bebo's moving in with her and his marriage. a lot of changes and adjustments are being made, and not everyone is on the same page about things. i told bebo he needed to talk to her about this, and if he thought it would help, i will just catch her off guard and talk about the elephant in the living room.
it was a nice day, cooler and it held the promise of fall, which i am ready for. i hate the hot weather and summer. austin kissed and hugged his father goodbye in the parking lot and said he would see him on wednesday, their usual weekly day, and this was good. on thursday he had said he needed a break from his father. breaks are good when they allow you to reaccess things and get a better perspective.
it is good to have a good day. i guess that is what faith is all about...:)
when god closes up a door, he generally opens up a window somewhere. for me, i look for signs, and generally it comes in the form of pennies from heaven. i believe that when you find one, it means that an angel or someone who has passed on is sending you a sign that he/she is looking out for you. my experience has been that i generally find one when i need one, in the least likely of places. they always cheer me up and give me some glimmer of hope. to get to a rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
so i found the penny on my way into the WaWa in petersburg, va. it was after a few other nice things had happened.
i had been to church, and the music was super. it was a throw together band, as the music director had to suddenly leave and return to his home in texas due to family problems. music is such a strength at the church, so there was just the worry of "who will take over"? but once again, a higher power came through, and people pitched in and the music was wonderful. it reaffirmed why i like this little church congregation.
on my drive to petersburg (austin was playing in a baseball tourney), i talked on the phone to david modena, the husband of my college roomie, mary beth. mb and i have periodic "adventures" which usually involve some sort of music or interesting thing to do. david always jokes that we are off to smoke dope and get drunk, although neither of us do any of that anymore! the new adventure is a trip to d.c. in january to a conference a the hyatt capital hill. it seems that 2 of my recent rave-abouts, anne lamott (author) and richard rohr(radical franciscan priest) are together with another author for one day there! how good is that?! what was better is that david wants to go with mb and i to this. so i have something really cool to look forward to.
but back to WaWa. i love WaWa. what a wacky name! but i really love their brand ice tea, which is cheap and good, and i love the fact that you can buy a washington post or ny times sunday edition there. the added treat on sunday was the gas was ten cents cheaper there than in richmond, and i found the penny going in to buy the tea. a shiny, new penny. it made me smile and i looked around for the angel.
austin's team won the tournament, and they looked wonderful. he played with confidence and watching these boys play this weekend was the culmination of 6 years worth of work to get the best players in his age group all on one team at one time. they will be national contenders this summer. they all seemed to be happy, disciplined, talented boys. what a plus.
bebo came to austin's last game and he and i had a long chat in the stands about life, which has gotten very complicated very fast. it was sort of a bonding moment, one that i doubt i will get again in light of his recent engagement and the struggles his fiancee is having with my relationship with bebo and his family. he is a good person, but his communications skills have always been open to question, as have some of the choices he has made. i feel strongly that the best thing for austin is for me not to lay blame on either bebo or his fiancee about the difficulties between austin and his father. i think the issue is her insecurity, and the best way i know to assuage her feelings is to address the issue and not run from it. she is trying to force a separation that is indeed necessary, but could be avoided or made less obvious and awkward if she were less worried about being the alpha dog. in any case, there are some hard issues coming up concerning bebo's moving in with her and his marriage. a lot of changes and adjustments are being made, and not everyone is on the same page about things. i told bebo he needed to talk to her about this, and if he thought it would help, i will just catch her off guard and talk about the elephant in the living room.
it was a nice day, cooler and it held the promise of fall, which i am ready for. i hate the hot weather and summer. austin kissed and hugged his father goodbye in the parking lot and said he would see him on wednesday, their usual weekly day, and this was good. on thursday he had said he needed a break from his father. breaks are good when they allow you to reaccess things and get a better perspective.
it is good to have a good day. i guess that is what faith is all about...:)
Monday, September 5, 2005
a shift in the teutonic plates of our country...
my father just sent me some of his right wing crap that this time deals with cindy sheehan. it seems that the right wingers have gone on yet another tirade, and are doing what they do best, which is "digging up dirt" on ms.. sheehan. i am supposed to believe that if you research her life and background, this will somehow nullify what she was doing. why, in this country, can't we just accept people with their flaws and faults, and not feel the necessity to always win by tearing down the opposition? whatever became of standing by your own message, and not feel the need to tear down the other person? all of it is just psychological diversion from the real subject. if you aren't comfortable with the truth of the subject, you immediately divert with something completely not related. whatever kind of person cindy sheehan may or may not have been in the past has nothing to do with the present. in the present she is this: a mother who lost her son in a senseless war she is someone who wants the president to get out of his ivory tower and see the real human results of this war. she is a grieving parent. she is a citizen. she is a middle-aged woman. what her personality is like or how her marriages went has nothing to do with anything now.
we are sitting here in virginia in the middle of a governor's battle in which each of the two major party candidates are spending more time insulting each other than they are discussing the issues. the only one addressing the issues is the independent candidate. may other people besides me be disgusted with the political "business is usual" attitude and vote for the guy who looks on the surface as if he doesn't have a chance. he will have a chance if enough people start looking a little closer and cast their votes because they believe in the person, not in the probabilities. i am really tired of hearing "it's a wasted vote" as the reason why people don't vote with their hearts and minds. as long as we follow this defeatist course, no change is ever going to be made for the good. it doesn't take a brain surgeon to see that we are on a downward spiral in this country, and we need some positive changes. we need some positive people, not rich egomaniacs who use the position to satisfy some sort of personal ego need. a poor person has no chance to be elected these days because of the money and graft involved. so we are left with the same old same old over and over again. what poor choices we had in this last presidential election, and the one before it. it is sad when you don't want to vote, or you end up voting for the "lesser of 2 evils."
change happens when people take a stand. it is time to take a stand. it isn't all about me getting what i want. it is about looking at our collective society, and putting hard work and elbow grease to work to make change. it isn't just about writing a check to the red cross and feeling self-satisfied because you have helped. it is more about doing something that takes a little sacrifice, something that disrupts the routine and makes you sit up and notice. it is making the choice to make care boxes for people in the gulf coast area and collecting and delivering them to someone who needs it. it is opening up your homes or volunteering to work in a shelter, instead of assuming that someone else is doing the work.
we are a fat, bloated, closeminded, selfish society. we just had a dose of reality this past week. may the good that comes out of it be the sudden realization that we are NOT SAFE in our cushioned little worlds. may we learn that it isn't all about money and material things, although watching the tv and seeing the victims, it is really hard not to think that the socioeconomic setup in this country allowed those who could afford to to escape from new orleans and the other areas. those who could, went. those who couldn't, stayed. and stayed. and stayed. and died in some cases.
as a nation, we need to take a hard look at what we really are and what we really want to be. to make the right choices is going to involve sacrifice in time and work. to make the right choices is going to involve being able to stand up against the tide and continue to stand, no matter how much you are battered, both mentally and physically. it is going to involve digging deep, and touching the courage and truth that we all have, but have somehow lost or ignored. we have to be aware, and sensitive. to do that involves getting out of our comfort zones. let's hope we can do it.
we are sitting here in virginia in the middle of a governor's battle in which each of the two major party candidates are spending more time insulting each other than they are discussing the issues. the only one addressing the issues is the independent candidate. may other people besides me be disgusted with the political "business is usual" attitude and vote for the guy who looks on the surface as if he doesn't have a chance. he will have a chance if enough people start looking a little closer and cast their votes because they believe in the person, not in the probabilities. i am really tired of hearing "it's a wasted vote" as the reason why people don't vote with their hearts and minds. as long as we follow this defeatist course, no change is ever going to be made for the good. it doesn't take a brain surgeon to see that we are on a downward spiral in this country, and we need some positive changes. we need some positive people, not rich egomaniacs who use the position to satisfy some sort of personal ego need. a poor person has no chance to be elected these days because of the money and graft involved. so we are left with the same old same old over and over again. what poor choices we had in this last presidential election, and the one before it. it is sad when you don't want to vote, or you end up voting for the "lesser of 2 evils."
change happens when people take a stand. it is time to take a stand. it isn't all about me getting what i want. it is about looking at our collective society, and putting hard work and elbow grease to work to make change. it isn't just about writing a check to the red cross and feeling self-satisfied because you have helped. it is more about doing something that takes a little sacrifice, something that disrupts the routine and makes you sit up and notice. it is making the choice to make care boxes for people in the gulf coast area and collecting and delivering them to someone who needs it. it is opening up your homes or volunteering to work in a shelter, instead of assuming that someone else is doing the work.
we are a fat, bloated, closeminded, selfish society. we just had a dose of reality this past week. may the good that comes out of it be the sudden realization that we are NOT SAFE in our cushioned little worlds. may we learn that it isn't all about money and material things, although watching the tv and seeing the victims, it is really hard not to think that the socioeconomic setup in this country allowed those who could afford to to escape from new orleans and the other areas. those who could, went. those who couldn't, stayed. and stayed. and stayed. and died in some cases.
as a nation, we need to take a hard look at what we really are and what we really want to be. to make the right choices is going to involve sacrifice in time and work. to make the right choices is going to involve being able to stand up against the tide and continue to stand, no matter how much you are battered, both mentally and physically. it is going to involve digging deep, and touching the courage and truth that we all have, but have somehow lost or ignored. we have to be aware, and sensitive. to do that involves getting out of our comfort zones. let's hope we can do it.
Saturday, September 3, 2005
Katrina and the waves, and waves, and waves
all i needed to snap myself out of my menopause and life related depression was to look at the tv and read the paper....
when i thought things were bad, i could remind myself that i had clothing, my son, and water to drink. i didn't have to worry about making sure austin had water and food, or if he was going to live. i can't imagine as a parent what the agony must be to try and take care of your children in the circumstances that currently exist in new orleans and the gulfport/biloxi area. i know that parents don't think about themselves and their needs when there is a threat to their kids...the enormous fear for the welfare of your children instinctively takes over, and you do what you have to do.
the waves from katrina will penetrate the country far further than the miles of physical destruction. there will be good that comes from this...i believe that nothing happens without a reason, and that something positive will rise from the rubble and despair.
this country for a long time has needed an attitude change about our involvement with material things and the acceptance of all types of people. with few exceptions, the faces we are seeing on tv are of mostly poor, black people. these were people who couldn't afford to get out of new orleans before the hurricane. they didn't have any place to go, and no money to get there. they didn't have transportation. if they had gotten out, how would they have paid for lodging? so they stayed, and they are still sitting on roofs and god knows where else waiting for help. but in all truth, these people have been waiting for help for a lot longer than the last 5 days. they just haven't been sitting on a rooftop trying desperately to flag someone down and get our attention. one had a sign that said "help us" and truthfully, we should have tried a little harder before this disaster occurred. it isn't just a city that is decimated. it is a lifestyle, and in this case, it should be an attitude.
the lack of governmental response is staggering. from my standpoint, it just glaringly highlights the difference between the haves and the have nots. those who have got out of new orleans, and most of the reason they "had" what they had was because of economics. they had money to leave and places where they could safely go and a way to get there. the have nots, many of them, did what was asked which was to evacuate to the convention center and the superdome. they did what was asked, and they were left there, forgotten it seems. how was it that reporters were able to get in and film and be with these people, yet the national guard and army weren't? why couldn't food or water or drugs be airlifted and dropped for people if they couldn't safely ford the water? new orleans has been a time bomb for years just waiting for "the big one" to burst the levees, which they KNEW could only withstand a category 3 hurricane. this has been known for years, but nothing seems to have been done to make those levees stronger and no evacuation or emergency plan was ever actively set up it seems. the irony is that the flooding for the most part is in the poor sections of the area...the garden district with the wealthy is on higher ground, as is much of the french quarter. the wealthy and haves live in the higher areas, whereas the poor dwell literally and figuritively in the low areas, the bottom of the bowl, the first areas to be swallowed up.
where are all these people going to go? who will take them in? how will we collectively be able to give them a way to start their lives over again?
my belief is that this country needs to reinstate some sort of CCC or WPA program for those who cannot support themselves. too long have we just handed out welfare checks and food stamps to those who need the help, yet we never gave those individuals a reason NOT to need or depend on the assistance. these are people, in some cases, who are several generations down- the-line welfare recipients. the life of public assistance is all some have ever known, and the environments that they live in don't foster a way out of the circle of despair.
the two things that change a person's position in society are education and hard work. education gives us options that we don't have without it, and hard work helps develop pride in what we can indeed accomplish. we have a faction of society with few options because of their lack of education and we give them little or no incentive to learn about pride through doing work THEY ARE PROUD OF. consider the fact that our own skyline drive and blue ridge parkway were built during the depression by men who left their homes to work to provide for their families. they developed pride in 2 ways...one, by being able to earn money themselves with dignity, and secondly, by creating something beautiful and lasting that each could point his finger to and say "i helped create this."
i would suggest that while all of these displaced people are waiting for the next steps in their lives, we could go to the shelters or places that they are staying and educate them. let them get their GED's. put them to work rebuilding their towns and pay them for it. find useful things for them to do...put some to work supervising the children in a makeshift daycare while other adults work. it would be best if eventually these tasks could be done in their home environments, but if they can't, let us not let these misplaced humans sit idly waiting for the next step. our immediate help obviously starts with the basics: food, water, shelter, medicine. but it can't end when the cleanup begins. the biggest cleanup isn't for those who have lost everything. it is for US, those who have, who need to cleanup our attitude about material things, and how our self esteem and motivation are so tied to the acquisiton of it.
i believe that any person who is in a position to influence for the good has a moral obligation to use that position to help better all that is around him. that means doing more than just writing a check and letting yourself off the hook. money is needed, but someone has to roll up the sleeves and do the hard work of working directly with the people who need it most. we don't need to just give these people a fish to meet their immediate hungers. we need to give them a pole and bait and teach them to fish. we need to be fishers of men. we need to pick one thing that each of us can do well that not only helps these people, but doesn't insulate us from the reality that we want to both help, yet avoid. wecongratulate ourselves for having done our part, but sometimes it takes more than just our money...it takes our heart and caring about people who are outside of our immediate circle of family and friends.
how we as a nation respond to this crisis not just now but in the next 6 months, will either make us or break us. we can continue as we have and create more and more discord and negativity, or we can vow to serve and begin small to create a more positive, global society. the united states has all we could ever want, but we have squandered many of our opportunities and become almost arrogant in our attitudes about those with less than we have. we have been easily able to insulate ourselves from poverty and want, and gloat in the fact that we are the best nation in the world. we are. but we don't act like it all the time, and the way our government has responded to this crisis is sad, shameful, and humbling.
when i thought things were bad, i could remind myself that i had clothing, my son, and water to drink. i didn't have to worry about making sure austin had water and food, or if he was going to live. i can't imagine as a parent what the agony must be to try and take care of your children in the circumstances that currently exist in new orleans and the gulfport/biloxi area. i know that parents don't think about themselves and their needs when there is a threat to their kids...the enormous fear for the welfare of your children instinctively takes over, and you do what you have to do.
the waves from katrina will penetrate the country far further than the miles of physical destruction. there will be good that comes from this...i believe that nothing happens without a reason, and that something positive will rise from the rubble and despair.
this country for a long time has needed an attitude change about our involvement with material things and the acceptance of all types of people. with few exceptions, the faces we are seeing on tv are of mostly poor, black people. these were people who couldn't afford to get out of new orleans before the hurricane. they didn't have any place to go, and no money to get there. they didn't have transportation. if they had gotten out, how would they have paid for lodging? so they stayed, and they are still sitting on roofs and god knows where else waiting for help. but in all truth, these people have been waiting for help for a lot longer than the last 5 days. they just haven't been sitting on a rooftop trying desperately to flag someone down and get our attention. one had a sign that said "help us" and truthfully, we should have tried a little harder before this disaster occurred. it isn't just a city that is decimated. it is a lifestyle, and in this case, it should be an attitude.
the lack of governmental response is staggering. from my standpoint, it just glaringly highlights the difference between the haves and the have nots. those who have got out of new orleans, and most of the reason they "had" what they had was because of economics. they had money to leave and places where they could safely go and a way to get there. the have nots, many of them, did what was asked which was to evacuate to the convention center and the superdome. they did what was asked, and they were left there, forgotten it seems. how was it that reporters were able to get in and film and be with these people, yet the national guard and army weren't? why couldn't food or water or drugs be airlifted and dropped for people if they couldn't safely ford the water? new orleans has been a time bomb for years just waiting for "the big one" to burst the levees, which they KNEW could only withstand a category 3 hurricane. this has been known for years, but nothing seems to have been done to make those levees stronger and no evacuation or emergency plan was ever actively set up it seems. the irony is that the flooding for the most part is in the poor sections of the area...the garden district with the wealthy is on higher ground, as is much of the french quarter. the wealthy and haves live in the higher areas, whereas the poor dwell literally and figuritively in the low areas, the bottom of the bowl, the first areas to be swallowed up.
where are all these people going to go? who will take them in? how will we collectively be able to give them a way to start their lives over again?
my belief is that this country needs to reinstate some sort of CCC or WPA program for those who cannot support themselves. too long have we just handed out welfare checks and food stamps to those who need the help, yet we never gave those individuals a reason NOT to need or depend on the assistance. these are people, in some cases, who are several generations down- the-line welfare recipients. the life of public assistance is all some have ever known, and the environments that they live in don't foster a way out of the circle of despair.
the two things that change a person's position in society are education and hard work. education gives us options that we don't have without it, and hard work helps develop pride in what we can indeed accomplish. we have a faction of society with few options because of their lack of education and we give them little or no incentive to learn about pride through doing work THEY ARE PROUD OF. consider the fact that our own skyline drive and blue ridge parkway were built during the depression by men who left their homes to work to provide for their families. they developed pride in 2 ways...one, by being able to earn money themselves with dignity, and secondly, by creating something beautiful and lasting that each could point his finger to and say "i helped create this."
i would suggest that while all of these displaced people are waiting for the next steps in their lives, we could go to the shelters or places that they are staying and educate them. let them get their GED's. put them to work rebuilding their towns and pay them for it. find useful things for them to do...put some to work supervising the children in a makeshift daycare while other adults work. it would be best if eventually these tasks could be done in their home environments, but if they can't, let us not let these misplaced humans sit idly waiting for the next step. our immediate help obviously starts with the basics: food, water, shelter, medicine. but it can't end when the cleanup begins. the biggest cleanup isn't for those who have lost everything. it is for US, those who have, who need to cleanup our attitude about material things, and how our self esteem and motivation are so tied to the acquisiton of it.
i believe that any person who is in a position to influence for the good has a moral obligation to use that position to help better all that is around him. that means doing more than just writing a check and letting yourself off the hook. money is needed, but someone has to roll up the sleeves and do the hard work of working directly with the people who need it most. we don't need to just give these people a fish to meet their immediate hungers. we need to give them a pole and bait and teach them to fish. we need to be fishers of men. we need to pick one thing that each of us can do well that not only helps these people, but doesn't insulate us from the reality that we want to both help, yet avoid. wecongratulate ourselves for having done our part, but sometimes it takes more than just our money...it takes our heart and caring about people who are outside of our immediate circle of family and friends.
how we as a nation respond to this crisis not just now but in the next 6 months, will either make us or break us. we can continue as we have and create more and more discord and negativity, or we can vow to serve and begin small to create a more positive, global society. the united states has all we could ever want, but we have squandered many of our opportunities and become almost arrogant in our attitudes about those with less than we have. we have been easily able to insulate ourselves from poverty and want, and gloat in the fact that we are the best nation in the world. we are. but we don't act like it all the time, and the way our government has responded to this crisis is sad, shameful, and humbling.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Alas, Babylon...?
the last couple of days have been pretty hard on me. it feels like life has been killing me for the last year an inch at a time. i have been trying so hard to look at the larger picture, and not to deal with the "small stuff" that is everyday life. things have just piled up and piled up, and i have less and less ability to throw off these downers and go on. finally, today, i just put my head down on my desk and cried for an hour in the dark. i just couldn't go another inch more.
and just in the middle of it, a gift of flowers was brought to me, a gift from a fellow teacher who is battling cancer. things suddenly go back to where they need to be. here i am whining over my woes, and i am reminded that life can and will get worse. diane has had a great attitude and during all of her chemo and radiation, she has managed to safe house 20 dogs, deal with her water and well going out and car problems. plus having nothing good come back after her surgery was done.
i blew my nose, got in my car and went home and fixed myself some lunch. my son hugged me and then i turned on the television to watch the news and see the devastation that is new orleans and the gulf coast of mississippi. two summers ago austin played in a weeklong baseball tournament in biloxi/gulfport mississippi, which apparently just isn't there anymore. we joked about the "redneck riviera" and how tacky and rundown it was. now i am sure that anyone would wish all of it back in the face of what has happened. bay st. louis and pass christian are no longer there either. one day gwen and i went down there to look around, and it was quaint and quiet. we went to a gift shop there, and drove around and looked at the old houses there. while in gulfport i visited the george ohr pottery museum which was located a couple of blocks off of the beach. i am sure it is gone, along with all of ohr's pottery. the day i went there, they had had no electricity for a week and the museum was closed. however, because it was my last day in biloxi, and i really wanted to see the pottery, they said that i could come down for free. there was no a/c there, but it was wondrous looking at his work. ohr was the "mad potter of biloxi" and i guess he sort of embodied a lot of what the people there have...earthiness, moxy, determination. they were real people, and he was too. the pottery being lost is a sad thing, but it is just pottery, and lucky to have survived as long as it did. ohr's work was not appreciated in his lifetime. i guess it goes to show that nothing is permanent, not things, not people. in this case, the people lost are what is most devastating. just now they said that at least 40 people are known dead in biloxi, with surely more to follow.
biloxi and gulfport. i went to the home of jefferson davis one day and toured it by myself. i don't know if it has survived. we ate at a tacky place that had a giant crayfish on the roof and shopped in a place where the door was a giant shark's mouth. i went to a casino, the first one i had ever been to, and i won $145, which i used to pay for our hotel room and trip to new orleans. all of these places likely are just flat gone. they were all on the beach, on the gulf, just like the rundown hotel we were staying in. i am reminded that we had our own personal homeless couple, shaggy and scooby-doo. they slept each night under the pilons that held up the hotel off the ground. when we were there you couldn't swim in the water because there was some type of chemical contamination on the beach and in the water. the whole place was sort of old and decadent and tacky and sunny. it is just a pile of matchsticks now. even then there were the concrete steps left from hurricane camille in 1969. steps that led to nowhere, steps that led up to the ghosts of houses. the trees that surrounded those previous houses were all that remained, along with the steps, of what once was. i wonder if they have even survived this catastrophe.
i am glad now that i took austin to new orleans. we stayed downtown and didn't get to spend a whole lot of time. i took him to jackson square, to bourbon street, to eat muffalettas at central grocery, to have beignets and chickory coffee at cafe du monde. we walked the t-shirt stores, and the old jax brewery. we parked along the levee and it was unbelievably hot and humid. we rode the street car line from bourbon street all the way up st. charles avenue through the garden district and back from the turnaround at the end. i was reminded then of having years ago taken the street car to a hotel to catch a ride to the airport. it was christmas time and hot as blazes. i didn't know much about streetcars and just stood along the line with my suitcase. when the streetcar came, it went right past me another block. i wasn't where it would stop. boy, did i feel dumb. a bunch of construction workers working on a library spotted me and hooted and hollered. i was glad to get out of new orleans then. to paraphrase mark twain a bit, the hottest summer i ever spent was a winter in new orleans. i couldn't imagine it could be 80 degrees in december.
and now it is all gone. and the whole entire town needs to be evacuated. there is no food, water, electricity. there is 80% of the town underwater. thousands are still trapped in their homes, on roofs, trapped in attics. there is looting, and the superdome is overcrowded with refugees who are to go to the houston astrodome if they can find a way to get them out. the superdome had part of the roof blown off and there is no air conditioning or toilets. there is no food, no gas, no way to get to people and no way to get them out short of walking through the water. people who left before the hurricane have nothing to go back to, no place to go to, and no money or gas to get them anywhere. my brother has friends in new orleans, but he doesn't know what has happened to them. it is hard to watch all of this stuff having been there. you would have to have no heart to watch it and not be affected.
so, nothing in my life compares to what could be worse. i needed a dose of reality today, and i got it. right now it feels like the end of the world, understandably so. no one could imagine an entire huge city, one that has survived so many hundreds of years, would have to be entirely evacuated. where will these people go? who and what will happen to them? how can you rebuild an entire huge city? i guess that these are the times that try men's souls. as people loot and steal and shoot each other and act like animals, they are balanced by those who have raced south to help, those who have given to those in need, those who have shared. this is the worst natural disaster in the history of the country. what we are truly made of may truly come to light in the next few weeks as the country reacts and responds.
and just in the middle of it, a gift of flowers was brought to me, a gift from a fellow teacher who is battling cancer. things suddenly go back to where they need to be. here i am whining over my woes, and i am reminded that life can and will get worse. diane has had a great attitude and during all of her chemo and radiation, she has managed to safe house 20 dogs, deal with her water and well going out and car problems. plus having nothing good come back after her surgery was done.
i blew my nose, got in my car and went home and fixed myself some lunch. my son hugged me and then i turned on the television to watch the news and see the devastation that is new orleans and the gulf coast of mississippi. two summers ago austin played in a weeklong baseball tournament in biloxi/gulfport mississippi, which apparently just isn't there anymore. we joked about the "redneck riviera" and how tacky and rundown it was. now i am sure that anyone would wish all of it back in the face of what has happened. bay st. louis and pass christian are no longer there either. one day gwen and i went down there to look around, and it was quaint and quiet. we went to a gift shop there, and drove around and looked at the old houses there. while in gulfport i visited the george ohr pottery museum which was located a couple of blocks off of the beach. i am sure it is gone, along with all of ohr's pottery. the day i went there, they had had no electricity for a week and the museum was closed. however, because it was my last day in biloxi, and i really wanted to see the pottery, they said that i could come down for free. there was no a/c there, but it was wondrous looking at his work. ohr was the "mad potter of biloxi" and i guess he sort of embodied a lot of what the people there have...earthiness, moxy, determination. they were real people, and he was too. the pottery being lost is a sad thing, but it is just pottery, and lucky to have survived as long as it did. ohr's work was not appreciated in his lifetime. i guess it goes to show that nothing is permanent, not things, not people. in this case, the people lost are what is most devastating. just now they said that at least 40 people are known dead in biloxi, with surely more to follow.
biloxi and gulfport. i went to the home of jefferson davis one day and toured it by myself. i don't know if it has survived. we ate at a tacky place that had a giant crayfish on the roof and shopped in a place where the door was a giant shark's mouth. i went to a casino, the first one i had ever been to, and i won $145, which i used to pay for our hotel room and trip to new orleans. all of these places likely are just flat gone. they were all on the beach, on the gulf, just like the rundown hotel we were staying in. i am reminded that we had our own personal homeless couple, shaggy and scooby-doo. they slept each night under the pilons that held up the hotel off the ground. when we were there you couldn't swim in the water because there was some type of chemical contamination on the beach and in the water. the whole place was sort of old and decadent and tacky and sunny. it is just a pile of matchsticks now. even then there were the concrete steps left from hurricane camille in 1969. steps that led to nowhere, steps that led up to the ghosts of houses. the trees that surrounded those previous houses were all that remained, along with the steps, of what once was. i wonder if they have even survived this catastrophe.
i am glad now that i took austin to new orleans. we stayed downtown and didn't get to spend a whole lot of time. i took him to jackson square, to bourbon street, to eat muffalettas at central grocery, to have beignets and chickory coffee at cafe du monde. we walked the t-shirt stores, and the old jax brewery. we parked along the levee and it was unbelievably hot and humid. we rode the street car line from bourbon street all the way up st. charles avenue through the garden district and back from the turnaround at the end. i was reminded then of having years ago taken the street car to a hotel to catch a ride to the airport. it was christmas time and hot as blazes. i didn't know much about streetcars and just stood along the line with my suitcase. when the streetcar came, it went right past me another block. i wasn't where it would stop. boy, did i feel dumb. a bunch of construction workers working on a library spotted me and hooted and hollered. i was glad to get out of new orleans then. to paraphrase mark twain a bit, the hottest summer i ever spent was a winter in new orleans. i couldn't imagine it could be 80 degrees in december.
and now it is all gone. and the whole entire town needs to be evacuated. there is no food, water, electricity. there is 80% of the town underwater. thousands are still trapped in their homes, on roofs, trapped in attics. there is looting, and the superdome is overcrowded with refugees who are to go to the houston astrodome if they can find a way to get them out. the superdome had part of the roof blown off and there is no air conditioning or toilets. there is no food, no gas, no way to get to people and no way to get them out short of walking through the water. people who left before the hurricane have nothing to go back to, no place to go to, and no money or gas to get them anywhere. my brother has friends in new orleans, but he doesn't know what has happened to them. it is hard to watch all of this stuff having been there. you would have to have no heart to watch it and not be affected.
so, nothing in my life compares to what could be worse. i needed a dose of reality today, and i got it. right now it feels like the end of the world, understandably so. no one could imagine an entire huge city, one that has survived so many hundreds of years, would have to be entirely evacuated. where will these people go? who and what will happen to them? how can you rebuild an entire huge city? i guess that these are the times that try men's souls. as people loot and steal and shoot each other and act like animals, they are balanced by those who have raced south to help, those who have given to those in need, those who have shared. this is the worst natural disaster in the history of the country. what we are truly made of may truly come to light in the next few weeks as the country reacts and responds.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
my greatest creation...:)
has anyone ever asked you what your greatest achievement was? not an easy question to answer. i think i would have to say that becoming a parent to a unique and interesting child was the best thing i never planned....
i wasn't sure i wanted to be married when i finally did get married. i was 33 and had been on my own for a long time. i was pretty self-absorbed and used to doing what i wanted to do and not much else. i had "issues" (and still do) and i probably got married because my ex-husband was a kind person who seemed to love me and he was stable and likely, i think, it was time. all of my other friends were settled and had kids. i had nothing but a future. i got married. i was happy. i am not sorry i did it and i learned a lot. it didn't work out and my ex-husband announced today that he is remarrying. my son, austin, has not taken to this concept well, although i have tried a great deal over the last year to pave the way for that idea. nonetheless, he is 13 years-old, and he has had a lot of instability in the last year or so, despite my efforts to keep things stable and on an even keel. but life isn't the burger king drive thru...you can't always have it your way. and so it goes. austin is going to have to adjust to his father selling the house he has always lived in and marrying a new person, not his mother.
if i live through my menopause and his puberty, austin will be my greatest creation. i did give birth to him, which was an adventure, believe me. however, i cannot take complete responsibility for what he has become. he has had many who have influenced him. i hope that their continued presence in his life will continue to positively impact him, and for those who have gone on, i hope the lessons they taught him are firmly rooted.
my brother-in-law, danny, died last year from esophogeal cancer after a 2 year fight. he lived a lot longer than anyone thought he would, and i think i was because he wanted to, and he had faith. he was always around all of austin's life, and i think from danny austin learned about hard work, dedication, and how to do the right thing. danny's work ethic was pretty solid. he was a surveyor who worked for himself, and he did not believe in cutting corners. he would rather lose money i think than do a shoddy job. his work ethic rubbed off on bebo, austin's father, to the point where i think it is hard for bebo to operate in the surveying world, which frequently doesn't care about the right thing. from danny austin heard "i love you" from a big old country boy who really meant it and thought it was important that austin hear it too.
from bebo's sister's, kitty and terre, austin has learned that he is loved and supported. kitty believes in having a good time, and being happy. terre is probably the hardest worker i know and will keep doing things until she drops. she is also the only one who can get austin to go to church with us because she asks. she is independent, and has just recently sold the farm where she and danny lived, and has bought a house in town and is starting over her new life as a widow at 53. that is not an easy place to be and it takes guts. i know austin has seen that and i know he knows she cares about him.
from my brother, austin has learned that creative and different aren't bad, they are just different. in our community, those who think differently are often ridiculed and considered a threat to the heterosexual status quo. austin has shown me a great heart in the way that he has accept his uncle as a person, and not a classification. he just recently put 2 and 2 together about my brother, and his overwhelming mission on this was to let me know that it made no difference to him. he did not just mouth the words. his interactions with my brother and his treatment of him absolutely validated what he has said to me and also to others, like his dad and aunts, when he was asked about this. i think he appreciates my brother's wit, his artistic ability, his kindness, and his sense of humor. because my brother lives in atlanta, we don't get to see him often, so his interactions with austin have always been special. i think from my brother austin has also learned to be yourself is not a bad thing, even when the rest of the world wants to make you think differently.
i am not sure what specific lessons austin has learned from the grandparents and older members of both families. all of them have a strict code of right and wrong, but they all clearly love him and dote on him. they tolerate his frequent bad manners and stupid, adolescent boy dumb stuff. i think he has learned that age differences do matter because of the culture that we were each brought up in. certainly life as a 13 year-old was different for all of the grandparents than it is for austin, and we certainly don't understand a lot of things that today's kids take for granted. he doesn't agree with a lot of what they say to him or believe in. but i do believe he knows they love him and their comments to him, when he doesn't agree with them, are made out of love or concern, and not out of a need to change him. sometimes that is hard to explain to him, but i think he gets it. like all teenagers, he thinks anyone old is an old fogey and doesn't know what they are talking about. his father's mother doesn't interfere or inject her opinion too frequently, but when she does, you know. i am hoping he learns from her the art of keeping your opinion to yourself and picking and choosing when you need to make a point. my parents are certainly outspoken, maybe overly outspoken, and he often does not understand some of what they do or say. however, once again, he knows they love him and look forward to seeing him and despite their methodologies sometimes, he absolutely knows they have his best interests at heart. what they think is best for him, and what i think is best sometimes clash, but that is another story. bottom line is that i know they mean well, and so does he. i hope he learns fierce loving from them, and the need to protect your cubs at all expense.
there have been many other people that have influenced the way austin has developed. there are his "cousins" ian and colton, the children of meg and rob. meg introduced bebo and i to each other, and she was my labor coach and saw austin being born. they understand his goofiness and how he is like a big, dumb golden retriever sometimes, yet they still love him. meg is very protective of him and treats him like her own and yells at him when he is an ass, and with my permission. rob doesn't take any crap off of him, and he isn't much of a talker. but he has shown his interest and care in ways that austin may never know about. ian and colton tolerate him! :) they are all 3 different boys with different interests and outlooks and they fight and play like brothers.
there have been many baseball coaches in austin's life, but chuck and andy have handled him since he was in t-ball. although he doesn't play ball for them now, they call and check on him, hug him and tell him they love him when they see him. when he has been down during some of the darker post-divorce/separation times, these guys stepped up to the plate and filled in when he needed a steady male influence. he hung with their kids and families, ate their food, took their ribbing and accepted their hugs. these are not guys afraid to hug another guy or tell him they miss him and love him. in an age where everyone is so homophobic and macho, what a breath of fresh air to have 2 guys who don't give a rat's ass about that stuff, and who feel comfortable cracking on him if he is bad because he needs it. austin also knows that they will always be around, and that is a secure thing for him when life has not always been secure.
sooooo...his dad and i created him, and i hatched him. but kids really do need a village to raise them, and he has been lucky that we have an interesting one! he has loving grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends and neighbors. i am blessed to have so many people (and of course, i haven't mentioned them all) who have contributed to the upbringing of my greatest, creation, my son, austin, the animal! :) i sure do love that boy...and all these people...
i wasn't sure i wanted to be married when i finally did get married. i was 33 and had been on my own for a long time. i was pretty self-absorbed and used to doing what i wanted to do and not much else. i had "issues" (and still do) and i probably got married because my ex-husband was a kind person who seemed to love me and he was stable and likely, i think, it was time. all of my other friends were settled and had kids. i had nothing but a future. i got married. i was happy. i am not sorry i did it and i learned a lot. it didn't work out and my ex-husband announced today that he is remarrying. my son, austin, has not taken to this concept well, although i have tried a great deal over the last year to pave the way for that idea. nonetheless, he is 13 years-old, and he has had a lot of instability in the last year or so, despite my efforts to keep things stable and on an even keel. but life isn't the burger king drive thru...you can't always have it your way. and so it goes. austin is going to have to adjust to his father selling the house he has always lived in and marrying a new person, not his mother.
if i live through my menopause and his puberty, austin will be my greatest creation. i did give birth to him, which was an adventure, believe me. however, i cannot take complete responsibility for what he has become. he has had many who have influenced him. i hope that their continued presence in his life will continue to positively impact him, and for those who have gone on, i hope the lessons they taught him are firmly rooted.
my brother-in-law, danny, died last year from esophogeal cancer after a 2 year fight. he lived a lot longer than anyone thought he would, and i think i was because he wanted to, and he had faith. he was always around all of austin's life, and i think from danny austin learned about hard work, dedication, and how to do the right thing. danny's work ethic was pretty solid. he was a surveyor who worked for himself, and he did not believe in cutting corners. he would rather lose money i think than do a shoddy job. his work ethic rubbed off on bebo, austin's father, to the point where i think it is hard for bebo to operate in the surveying world, which frequently doesn't care about the right thing. from danny austin heard "i love you" from a big old country boy who really meant it and thought it was important that austin hear it too.
from bebo's sister's, kitty and terre, austin has learned that he is loved and supported. kitty believes in having a good time, and being happy. terre is probably the hardest worker i know and will keep doing things until she drops. she is also the only one who can get austin to go to church with us because she asks. she is independent, and has just recently sold the farm where she and danny lived, and has bought a house in town and is starting over her new life as a widow at 53. that is not an easy place to be and it takes guts. i know austin has seen that and i know he knows she cares about him.
from my brother, austin has learned that creative and different aren't bad, they are just different. in our community, those who think differently are often ridiculed and considered a threat to the heterosexual status quo. austin has shown me a great heart in the way that he has accept his uncle as a person, and not a classification. he just recently put 2 and 2 together about my brother, and his overwhelming mission on this was to let me know that it made no difference to him. he did not just mouth the words. his interactions with my brother and his treatment of him absolutely validated what he has said to me and also to others, like his dad and aunts, when he was asked about this. i think he appreciates my brother's wit, his artistic ability, his kindness, and his sense of humor. because my brother lives in atlanta, we don't get to see him often, so his interactions with austin have always been special. i think from my brother austin has also learned to be yourself is not a bad thing, even when the rest of the world wants to make you think differently.
i am not sure what specific lessons austin has learned from the grandparents and older members of both families. all of them have a strict code of right and wrong, but they all clearly love him and dote on him. they tolerate his frequent bad manners and stupid, adolescent boy dumb stuff. i think he has learned that age differences do matter because of the culture that we were each brought up in. certainly life as a 13 year-old was different for all of the grandparents than it is for austin, and we certainly don't understand a lot of things that today's kids take for granted. he doesn't agree with a lot of what they say to him or believe in. but i do believe he knows they love him and their comments to him, when he doesn't agree with them, are made out of love or concern, and not out of a need to change him. sometimes that is hard to explain to him, but i think he gets it. like all teenagers, he thinks anyone old is an old fogey and doesn't know what they are talking about. his father's mother doesn't interfere or inject her opinion too frequently, but when she does, you know. i am hoping he learns from her the art of keeping your opinion to yourself and picking and choosing when you need to make a point. my parents are certainly outspoken, maybe overly outspoken, and he often does not understand some of what they do or say. however, once again, he knows they love him and look forward to seeing him and despite their methodologies sometimes, he absolutely knows they have his best interests at heart. what they think is best for him, and what i think is best sometimes clash, but that is another story. bottom line is that i know they mean well, and so does he. i hope he learns fierce loving from them, and the need to protect your cubs at all expense.
there have been many other people that have influenced the way austin has developed. there are his "cousins" ian and colton, the children of meg and rob. meg introduced bebo and i to each other, and she was my labor coach and saw austin being born. they understand his goofiness and how he is like a big, dumb golden retriever sometimes, yet they still love him. meg is very protective of him and treats him like her own and yells at him when he is an ass, and with my permission. rob doesn't take any crap off of him, and he isn't much of a talker. but he has shown his interest and care in ways that austin may never know about. ian and colton tolerate him! :) they are all 3 different boys with different interests and outlooks and they fight and play like brothers.
there have been many baseball coaches in austin's life, but chuck and andy have handled him since he was in t-ball. although he doesn't play ball for them now, they call and check on him, hug him and tell him they love him when they see him. when he has been down during some of the darker post-divorce/separation times, these guys stepped up to the plate and filled in when he needed a steady male influence. he hung with their kids and families, ate their food, took their ribbing and accepted their hugs. these are not guys afraid to hug another guy or tell him they miss him and love him. in an age where everyone is so homophobic and macho, what a breath of fresh air to have 2 guys who don't give a rat's ass about that stuff, and who feel comfortable cracking on him if he is bad because he needs it. austin also knows that they will always be around, and that is a secure thing for him when life has not always been secure.
sooooo...his dad and i created him, and i hatched him. but kids really do need a village to raise them, and he has been lucky that we have an interesting one! he has loving grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends and neighbors. i am blessed to have so many people (and of course, i haven't mentioned them all) who have contributed to the upbringing of my greatest, creation, my son, austin, the animal! :) i sure do love that boy...and all these people...
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