has anyone ever asked you what your greatest achievement was? not an easy question to answer. i think i would have to say that becoming a parent to a unique and interesting child was the best thing i never planned....
i wasn't sure i wanted to be married when i finally did get married. i was 33 and had been on my own for a long time. i was pretty self-absorbed and used to doing what i wanted to do and not much else. i had "issues" (and still do) and i probably got married because my ex-husband was a kind person who seemed to love me and he was stable and likely, i think, it was time. all of my other friends were settled and had kids. i had nothing but a future. i got married. i was happy. i am not sorry i did it and i learned a lot. it didn't work out and my ex-husband announced today that he is remarrying. my son, austin, has not taken to this concept well, although i have tried a great deal over the last year to pave the way for that idea. nonetheless, he is 13 years-old, and he has had a lot of instability in the last year or so, despite my efforts to keep things stable and on an even keel. but life isn't the burger king drive thru...you can't always have it your way. and so it goes. austin is going to have to adjust to his father selling the house he has always lived in and marrying a new person, not his mother.
if i live through my menopause and his puberty, austin will be my greatest creation. i did give birth to him, which was an adventure, believe me. however, i cannot take complete responsibility for what he has become. he has had many who have influenced him. i hope that their continued presence in his life will continue to positively impact him, and for those who have gone on, i hope the lessons they taught him are firmly rooted.
my brother-in-law, danny, died last year from esophogeal cancer after a 2 year fight. he lived a lot longer than anyone thought he would, and i think i was because he wanted to, and he had faith. he was always around all of austin's life, and i think from danny austin learned about hard work, dedication, and how to do the right thing. danny's work ethic was pretty solid. he was a surveyor who worked for himself, and he did not believe in cutting corners. he would rather lose money i think than do a shoddy job. his work ethic rubbed off on bebo, austin's father, to the point where i think it is hard for bebo to operate in the surveying world, which frequently doesn't care about the right thing. from danny austin heard "i love you" from a big old country boy who really meant it and thought it was important that austin hear it too.
from bebo's sister's, kitty and terre, austin has learned that he is loved and supported. kitty believes in having a good time, and being happy. terre is probably the hardest worker i know and will keep doing things until she drops. she is also the only one who can get austin to go to church with us because she asks. she is independent, and has just recently sold the farm where she and danny lived, and has bought a house in town and is starting over her new life as a widow at 53. that is not an easy place to be and it takes guts. i know austin has seen that and i know he knows she cares about him.
from my brother, austin has learned that creative and different aren't bad, they are just different. in our community, those who think differently are often ridiculed and considered a threat to the heterosexual status quo. austin has shown me a great heart in the way that he has accept his uncle as a person, and not a classification. he just recently put 2 and 2 together about my brother, and his overwhelming mission on this was to let me know that it made no difference to him. he did not just mouth the words. his interactions with my brother and his treatment of him absolutely validated what he has said to me and also to others, like his dad and aunts, when he was asked about this. i think he appreciates my brother's wit, his artistic ability, his kindness, and his sense of humor. because my brother lives in atlanta, we don't get to see him often, so his interactions with austin have always been special. i think from my brother austin has also learned to be yourself is not a bad thing, even when the rest of the world wants to make you think differently.
i am not sure what specific lessons austin has learned from the grandparents and older members of both families. all of them have a strict code of right and wrong, but they all clearly love him and dote on him. they tolerate his frequent bad manners and stupid, adolescent boy dumb stuff. i think he has learned that age differences do matter because of the culture that we were each brought up in. certainly life as a 13 year-old was different for all of the grandparents than it is for austin, and we certainly don't understand a lot of things that today's kids take for granted. he doesn't agree with a lot of what they say to him or believe in. but i do believe he knows they love him and their comments to him, when he doesn't agree with them, are made out of love or concern, and not out of a need to change him. sometimes that is hard to explain to him, but i think he gets it. like all teenagers, he thinks anyone old is an old fogey and doesn't know what they are talking about. his father's mother doesn't interfere or inject her opinion too frequently, but when she does, you know. i am hoping he learns from her the art of keeping your opinion to yourself and picking and choosing when you need to make a point. my parents are certainly outspoken, maybe overly outspoken, and he often does not understand some of what they do or say. however, once again, he knows they love him and look forward to seeing him and despite their methodologies sometimes, he absolutely knows they have his best interests at heart. what they think is best for him, and what i think is best sometimes clash, but that is another story. bottom line is that i know they mean well, and so does he. i hope he learns fierce loving from them, and the need to protect your cubs at all expense.
there have been many other people that have influenced the way austin has developed. there are his "cousins" ian and colton, the children of meg and rob. meg introduced bebo and i to each other, and she was my labor coach and saw austin being born. they understand his goofiness and how he is like a big, dumb golden retriever sometimes, yet they still love him. meg is very protective of him and treats him like her own and yells at him when he is an ass, and with my permission. rob doesn't take any crap off of him, and he isn't much of a talker. but he has shown his interest and care in ways that austin may never know about. ian and colton tolerate him! :) they are all 3 different boys with different interests and outlooks and they fight and play like brothers.
there have been many baseball coaches in austin's life, but chuck and andy have handled him since he was in t-ball. although he doesn't play ball for them now, they call and check on him, hug him and tell him they love him when they see him. when he has been down during some of the darker post-divorce/separation times, these guys stepped up to the plate and filled in when he needed a steady male influence. he hung with their kids and families, ate their food, took their ribbing and accepted their hugs. these are not guys afraid to hug another guy or tell him they miss him and love him. in an age where everyone is so homophobic and macho, what a breath of fresh air to have 2 guys who don't give a rat's ass about that stuff, and who feel comfortable cracking on him if he is bad because he needs it. austin also knows that they will always be around, and that is a secure thing for him when life has not always been secure.
sooooo...his dad and i created him, and i hatched him. but kids really do need a village to raise them, and he has been lucky that we have an interesting one! he has loving grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends and neighbors. i am blessed to have so many people (and of course, i haven't mentioned them all) who have contributed to the upbringing of my greatest, creation, my son, austin, the animal! :) i sure do love that boy...and all these people...
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