wingnuts...

first, i have decided that if i ever get another cat, i will name it wingnut. don't know why, but that sounds like a good name for a crazy cat. it also sort of fills the bill for me right now...spinning round and round...

i am trying to adjust to some new meds, and hope that they will be taking effect soon and i will get a little energy and life back. i have been listless again recently, and i think the cymbalta is not doing as much as i had hoped. i discussed this with my doctor last week when i finally got to see her, and i asked about the layering effect that kathy h. had told me about. we decided that going back to lexapro might not be the best, as i have noticed a cessation of the migraines since being off the lexapro. so she decided to layer the cymbalta with a low does of zoloft. i just started taking that this weekend, so i suspect it will take awhile for it to kick in and for me to see some sort of effect. i am also taking a new medicine for my kidneys/blood pressure. i had been on the same medicine, for the kidneys, since i was at midlo in 1992. it served something of a double duty in keeping my blood pressure down. however, it has gone up, so she has prescribed a medicine that is designed to do both. i have been on that almost 2 weeks, but last week when i went, it didn't look like it was doing much. because my cholesterol is also up, she decided that if this one doesn't work, she will try another one designed to do all three. we'll see. i also need to set up an appointment to see the gastroenterologist about the choking incidents and make sure there is nothing more going on there. he can also do a colonoscopy as well, so i can kill two birds with one stone.

there seems to have been a lot of drama with my students last week, and it sucked me dry. i am finding that kids are either really adept at putting on a front, or i am getting really bad at detecting it! i have two "project" problem kids that i am trying to mentor, and last week both sucked me dry. i cannot do much for either, and it makes me sad that my role is such that i can't seem to make an active difference. i worry about he paths both are trotting right now, and i can't see a way to divert or stop either from the courses they have chosen to take. it is very frustrating. i also have the dramas and worries of austin, who is in baseball season with something everyday to be a distraction or a worry. right now, he is trying to decide where to go with his relationship with amy. should he break up with her? what does he want from her? does he still care for her? right now, he says he doesn't have the feelings for her that he used to have, but he doesn't want to hurt her, and he doesn't know how to break up with her. it is another end to an era i guess, and it makes me feel weird, again, the spinning wingnut.

all of a sudden there has been this leap, or little jumps, in austin's life, jumps that i am seeing are natural, but i am also seeing that he is growing up. and while he talks to me about his life, i can also see that he is now made a step away from me with the driver's license, and that realization has been pretty profound for me. some days i see some maturity, and other days, i really question his reasoning on things, or lack thereof. sometimes he wants to be all manly, and other times, like last night, he calls me and he is crying on the phone about amy. it is all very confusing to me. my new idea is to try and stay on top of things, but not to stay overly involved. dealing with him is no less stressful than dealing with my 2 spare kids at school.