i am still trying to process doris' death, which was last wednesday. she fell and hit her head on the brick sidewalk in front of her house. our dog, chili, charged the door trying to get to the yardman and doris tried to stop her. she suffered a massive head injury, and her kids pulled the plug within 4 hours of the injury.a lot of women bitch about their mother-in-laws and don't get along with them. this was not the case with doris. she wasn't the easiest person to know, or the easiest person to talk to sometimes. she was a very proud person, and she certainly was the rock in her family. however, she worked behind the scenes, and was never an interferer. you always knew what she thought, and she wasn't afraid to express her opinion. i was always pretty much intimidated by her, especially when i first was married. but as the years rolled by, we sort of came to an understanding, and she always treated me really well and i loved her. she was very upset when bebo and i split up, and i kept up with her and stayed in the family up until this past year, when it became pretty obvious that i needed to make a break. i hadn't seen her in several months, and i think i will always have regrets about that. yet i think she knew what i was doing, and she probably agreed and understood it. i felt that with all the problems bebo was having, and the ripple effect that it was having on both austin and i, it wasn't the best to be around. i didn't want her to feel like she was ever in the middle. she was bebo's mother, and her first loyalty has to be to her son, regardless of what he does. i know she didn't agree with all that he did, but she always supported her children, regardless of what they did.
doris took me to all of my surgeries. she came and stayed with me during the day for the first 2 weeks after austin was born. she took austin to doctor's appointments when i couldn't do it and all you had to do was call and she was here. i enjoyed her company and we shared gardening things in common and i used to bring her vegetables from the produce stand out here in mechanicsville. most of the decent shoes i have were hers, and she always put thought into gifts that she gave me. it was doris who paid for me to get my master's training in reiki and she did practice it and encouraged it. doris was the one who did all of my laundry and brought it to me when i was in the hospital last year for 2 weeks. she would come a visit for a little while, but she wasn't the type to come and hang around for a long while, and she only called on the phone when she had something to ask you or tell you.
bebo has moved into her house to live with mae for awhile. the irony of all this is that jaquie finally made a financial settlement with bebo over the house. he was getting ready to put a contract down on a house when doris died. i haven't asked, but i am sure that doris probably know that this had happened, and i am sure it was a great relief to her. bebo has always wanted to buy his mother's house, and that may be possible now. her death solved the terrible problem of where bebo would live, and how. there is also a lot of guilt, i am sure, about how she died. terre had kicked chili out of her house and doris was taking care of chili, although she didn't really want to do it. chili's directly contributing to doris' death is just awful.
doris said for years that she was not leaving a will and the three kids would have to fight it out. she was true to her word, and it will be interesting to see what happens.
i am still sort of numbed out and can't believe that she died. i don't think it has hit austin at all, and i wonder about that. i guess we all have to grieve in our own ways. bebo goes in and out of it, and austin says that kitty is still really emotional all the time about it. i don't think things will ever be the same for those kids...they all, in their own ways, depended a great deal upon her to guide them in the directions that they needed to go in. there has certainly be so much "death" in the family over the last few years...kitty's marriage to mike breaking up and being ugly; bebo and i divorcing; bebo and the drama with jacquie and the house; danny's cancer and death; terre, kitty and bebo all moving from their homes to be closer to their mother in their old neighborhood. so much change...but i don't think things happen just randomly...they happen for a reason. certainly it was a blessing that doris died so quickly. she had been very adamant about not wanting to be a burden or to be kept alive by artificial means. she had COPD and emphysema, and bebo said on the night she died that it was a good thing, that at least now she wouldn't have to drown to death in her own fluids, which is where she was headed.
so i have to believe that there is a bigger reason going, that we all will ultimately learn something and be stronger, better persons for having known her and survived her death.
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