today has been an "amusing" day, packed with events that only i could experience.
austin was complaining a couple of days ago about missing chewing gum. it seems that somehow he was short a couple of packs of gum, and was sure that chewing gum fairies were taking it. he had lots of suggestions as to whom had stolen it, and the devilish plot that unknowns had cooked up to rob him of his wealth. i told him he was nuts, and let it go.
i should have investigated.
i was standing in the lunch line today when i noticed my thigh sticking to my pants. hmmm. what could that be? while balancing a tray of quiche, i was trying to unobtrusively unstick myself from my pants. not happening. (and by the way, there is no really unnoticeable way to unstick your thigh from your pants in a cafeteria lunch line.) i began, obviously, to wonder what i had suddenly managed to get into. i had just been to the bathroom, but couldn't imagine that i could have gotten something on myself and not have noticed. how would you not notice something like glue on the toilet seat? after abandoning the quiche in my room, i went to the bathroom to inspect, and discovered, voila, austin's missing chewing gum...stuck to the OUTSIDE OF MY UNDERPANTS. of course, at this point, it had melted on to the INSIDE OF MY REAL PANTS, and now had transferred itself to my thigh.
problem here. how does one get chewing gum off of the underpants and the pants?answer: you don't.
problem: how does a big person get chewing gum 0ff of the inside of your thigh when a) you don't even know it is chewing gum and b) you can't see your thigh. also keep in mind that chewing gum doesn't just peel off of your thigh. and, by the way, your thighs are not the toughest skin locations around. trying to wipe off chewing gum with toilet paper is about like scraping your face with a rake.
i decided to get off as much as possible, which only succeeded in spreading the love around. i finally decided to stick the underwear onto the pants, sort of like velcro, and hope for the best (it didn't work). i was,however, relieved to find that a co-worker in the library knew for a fact that skin-so-soft would remove the nasty gum from my thigh. why she had that there in the library, i will never know, but i am happy to report that it works. i also smelled good. i was told it also worked on taking the gum off of the pants, but i wasn't willing to walk around for the rest of the day with an oil spill in that area.
my son austin found this to be riotously funny. i told him i hope that one day he might find gum on the INSIDE OF HIS UNDERWEAR where 10,000 pubic hairs would scream their anguish...
the big question now is WHERE IS THE REST OF THE GUM? tune in as we discover gum in socks, bras, and other locations gum was never meant to occupy...
p.s. - to make my day complete, i put my little hooptie car into the shop for a series of what i hope will be minor repairs (i.e. under $200), only to come home and find the other car has a dead battery. i am now waiting for a jump so i can go into town and get a battery charger from my ex-husband. he has called to say he is hiding the battery charger inside his work truck, as tonight would "not be a good night to come in." translation: the girlfriend must be having issues. sigh. i am now missing my pottery class for the 2nd week in a row, and i am having a hot flash. i think i will go clean the toilets, as that might be preferable to throwing myself into the pond outside...
update 11/19/05: austin was actually right about the missing chewing gum. meg snagged a couple of packs from the box when she fetched my yoga mat for me and delivered it to school! we both thought this was a riot, as who would be counting packs of chewing gum? she has now ended up with ALL of the gum, as austin just had spacers put in for the braces that are coming in a week, and gum for the next millenium is verboten.
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