ok, i will admit it. i really do dread the holidays. it seems that psychologically on the day after thanksgiving i build the mental foxhole and occupy it. from there i just sit and wait. and it seems that no matter how hard i prepare and how alert i am, the grenade is lobbed in from some area i least expected it from. i then spend the new year picking shrapnel out of my ass.
i guess if i decided what exactly that i wanted from xmas, it would be easier for me. i think the presents aspect has a lot to do with it, as people tend to acquaint personal "worth" with the number and type of presents received. when i don't get much, or i get something that is "sterile" in terms of thought, i have a tendency, rightly or wrongly, to associate the gift with my worth in the eyes of the individual who gave me the gift. i have to admit to being a big follower of this insane rationale. small wonder i am disappointed a lot when it comes to any holiday that i am going to be slightly or majorly focused upon.
gifting doesn't seem to be important to a lot of people in my life. birthdays, xmas and anniversaries were pretty much nothing for bebo. he did whatever the perfunctory thing was. no thought whatsoever. my parents always seem to gift me with what they want me to wear, so that has always resulted in an identity strugglefor me. i smile while often times seething because i hate the fact that i am an adult and my parents still aren't comfortable with who i am.
every year i try to buy things for individual people that i think they will like. part of this i guess is purely selfish. why? if i take the time to do something like that, the gift receiver will know instinctively that i have really thought about the gift and want it to mean something. however, the other half of motivation is the sad belief on my part that the receiver of the gift will do the same for me. in truthfulness, sometimes it really does work out that way. however, this year i don't think that will happen. with the deconstruction of xmas holidays for me, there comes in inevitable loss of not only presents, but of the intention of presents. i am having to withdraw from bebo's family, and his mother was always the one who seemed, even more than my own mother, to take the time and thought to find xmas presents for me that she has thought about. so the real gift was not the present, but the thought that went into it.
to compound my disillusionment, i have opted to put myself out of the foxhole and into the war zone by agreeing to have xmas with my family. that puts me in their grips on friday and saturday before xmas, and waking up in their midst on xmas day. words cannot express right now how stressful just the thought of that is for me. i will return at midday so that austin can have xmas with his father and the rest of his family. i was not invited to the annual young xmas dinner, as this was going to be awkward with both jackie and i there, so i will likely find something else to do xmas afternoon and evening. i have made some inquiries towards doing some volunteer work that day.
it would be nice if i could get out of the foxhole altogether and stop worrying and fretting about it. it would be nice if i stopped thinking that the measure of someone's care for me arrives in a package. i am not sure how to stop that, no more than i am sure how to stop the eating problem which i think centers around a lack of attention as a kid. i guess all of these woes come from not feeling good about myself. maybe my xmas gift to myself should be time to sort this out and find a solution that doesn't involve other people.
too much psychology.
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Saturday, November 19, 2005
a simple vision
this one is for you, mar.
for several weeks now i have been carrying around an image in my head that i return to over and over again. it is of two girls who were walking down a crowded hallway between classes at school. i was behind them as the three of us were negotiating our way down the hallway. they weren't close enough that i could hear anything that they were saying, and really, it wasn't necessary. one was tall and the other shorter, and the shorter one was holding the taller one's hand. their heads were leaned together and they were talking, seemingly obvious to the chaos around them. it was just the two of them, and only they were important.
the aura around those two wasn't one of conspiracy or secrecy. it was one of two best friends making a connection. it was kind of that sisterly sort of love that happens to girls at that age. but today, i rarely see the physical connection of closeness that was so offhand, whimsical, but so important. talk just doesn't always do it. touch sometimes can seal the closeness.
and i saw my awkward self 30 or more years ago, walking down a different, but same, hallway. a shorter person had her arm linked in mine, or her hand on my forearm, and we were talking, and i remember a nice feeling of connecting with somebody. it was important because someone wanted to talk to me, just me. it made me feel special, chosen. i don't recall ever being the one to reach out and so naturally link my arm with someone; my best friend could do that, as it was as natural as air to her. and she can still do it, when she is in a space where she doesn't have to think about it. and it might have been good for her, too, to have a loyal friend to listen to what she was feeling. i never thought much about that connection being important to her or not. i was just glad that someone wanted to talk to me.
a fleeting glance at two whispering friends reminded me of how important it is at that age to make those kinds of connections. usually, they don't last, as we grow apart in interests and locations. however, for me, i know that those friends that i made in that era are ones that i could pick up the phone and call now, and they would know what i needed and how i felt. they don't have to link their arm in mine to make me feel touched. as the voices connect across the hills and oceans, it becomes a visual walking down the hall moment for me, and i am blessed.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
of intelligent design...at work
11/7/05
in my continuing quest to keep myself in trouble, i have tackled the subjects of intelligent design and decriminalization of marijuana as my current way of torturing all administrators and worrywarts who are around me.
i am thinking that a job of making coffee and sandwiches at Wawa would be preferable to have to constantly play the politically correct game of keeping everyone in the public school system happy. geez, i am tired of it, and i just wonder sometimes what the point is of trying to get kids thinking and interested and analyzing stuff. why bother promoting thought provoking discourse, when the adults around seemingly don't really want children to learn to do any of these things? ok, that sounds pretty harsh, but look around you! everybody wants to argue with somebody about what is RIGHT AND WHAT IS WRONG! my truth is better than your truth, because i have a license to the REAL truth and your truth is a lie...and in the school system the subtle message is we want you to learn, but only certain subjects and in a politically correct, vanilla way that no one will object to. so when you remove controversy, the very stuff that stimulates thought, you have a generation of uninterested automatons who are adept at regurgitating facts on a short term basis. long term, they run out of gas because they can't really think. they may pass the Standards of Learning Test, but they can't really think.
So what are the origins of my dissertation? well, despite the fact that i put in an announcement for the subject of the after school discussion club 10 days ago, this morning i found a note tacked to my door saying to see the principal. since i had been out of the way to make him aware of what we discussing this week (discussing the denver decision to decriminalize marijuana), i didn't suspect that this could be a problem. long story short: i cancelled the meeting because i need more time to "prep." translation: we can't have this discussion for fear that some parent might misinterpret what i am doing with the club. sigh. from the principal's standpoint, he is "protecting me" from getting in trouble. i also committed the grevious sin of not asking for his permission to use this topic, i just told him what we were doing and INVITED HIM TO COME TO THE MEETING. my theory was that if i have to get every topic approved for an after school, voluntary discussion club, then kids just won't come. it will be boring and they will quickly see, as i am, that real freedom of speech doesn't exist for the most part in the public school system. and here is the rub with me. on one hand the major complaint is that kids don't think and their analysis skills are diminished, the result, in my opinion, from doing the memorize-for-the-Standards of Learning Test-thing. teachers can no longer stray" off topic" for fear that they won't get all of the material covered in time for the SOL. it is all about the SOL pass numbers and percentage rates. so we teach to the test, kids memorize only what they have to know, and then don't do well because they can't analyze. what they have LEARNED seems to be secondary to having those great pass numbers. supposedly, the numbers DO reflect what students learn. i doubt it. considering the numbers of kids who go to college and never finish, i would argue that they aren't successful in college because it isn't memorization anymore. they have to actually look at things and think them over, and a lot of them just don't know how.
the after school discussion club was an extension of my english class discussions. it provides kids an opportunity to get together with other students and have a civil discourse over current events or meaningful topics. the only rule is that no one is "right" and that we just discuss and exchange ideas and information. but that isn't how this club or even class discussions are being viewed. these forums are viewed as potential areas of "bad press," the key word being POTENTIAL. so on the outside chance that one fanatical parents objects, the whole concept is diluted or destroyed. we have a watered down version of any and everything that stimulates thought.
i know that the administrators are trying to do their jobs. but when are we going to stop working in a vacuum of fear? instead of doing something possibly thought provoking and interesting, we are reduced to doing the same old same old redundant and boring stuff...which isn't stimulating the kids to think outside of the box or even think at all. we got a whole generation of self oriented, vapid kids who appear not to care about much of anything. how do you make them care? in my opinion, you bring them information and exhort them to take it in and to seek it out. there is an interesting world out there, one that may not be what their parents want for them or what their parents want them to see or learn. nonetheless, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. given partial knowledge, we will continue to be close minded, bigoted, negative and defensive. as a result, we will continue to force our individual versions of the truth upon our bretheren. civil discourse will become an oxymoron, if it already hasn't become one.
so, to screw myself over further, i gave my english classes two essays, a column from the seattle times (ellen goodman) and the other from the new york times. both deal with the raging debate over intelligent design (coming soon to a school system near you). i have been careful to give them the facts and definitions, to discuss the essays as pieces of nonfiction, and to ask them their opinions. i have also tried to simply the argument in such as way that they will have some semblance of understanding of what the whole controversy is about. i have been lucky, i suppose, that some child hasn't gone home and complained or shown the essays to a parent. should that happen, whatever good i might have wrought for 119 students will be dispelled by the l who doesn't like it.
so what are my choices? i could stop carrying out what i believe is my "mission" in the classroom, which is to interest kids in becoming lifelong learners. i do this by discussing life and literature and they are tied together. the other choice is to give in and just become an automaton and work out in the darkness of possible "danger" from the occasional upset parent.
i have faced these choices before, and stood my ground. however, now i am starting to feel that i not only need to stand my ground, but to vocally stand up for what i believe, despite the fact i could get in hot water. i am doing absolutely nothing that is punishable by firing. i am just being different and not doing what everyone else does. i have never been a freaking lemming, and i don't want to go over the cliff as one now. if i am going over the cliff, i am going to be like butch cassidy and sundance; i've obviously got to go over, but I DECIDE WHEN AND HOW I AM GOING. i am damned if i will let the pinkerton agents of the school system continue to hound and chase me into submission. if they want to pursue me, so be it. but at least the pursuit won't be easy...
in my continuing quest to keep myself in trouble, i have tackled the subjects of intelligent design and decriminalization of marijuana as my current way of torturing all administrators and worrywarts who are around me.
i am thinking that a job of making coffee and sandwiches at Wawa would be preferable to have to constantly play the politically correct game of keeping everyone in the public school system happy. geez, i am tired of it, and i just wonder sometimes what the point is of trying to get kids thinking and interested and analyzing stuff. why bother promoting thought provoking discourse, when the adults around seemingly don't really want children to learn to do any of these things? ok, that sounds pretty harsh, but look around you! everybody wants to argue with somebody about what is RIGHT AND WHAT IS WRONG! my truth is better than your truth, because i have a license to the REAL truth and your truth is a lie...and in the school system the subtle message is we want you to learn, but only certain subjects and in a politically correct, vanilla way that no one will object to. so when you remove controversy, the very stuff that stimulates thought, you have a generation of uninterested automatons who are adept at regurgitating facts on a short term basis. long term, they run out of gas because they can't really think. they may pass the Standards of Learning Test, but they can't really think.
So what are the origins of my dissertation? well, despite the fact that i put in an announcement for the subject of the after school discussion club 10 days ago, this morning i found a note tacked to my door saying to see the principal. since i had been out of the way to make him aware of what we discussing this week (discussing the denver decision to decriminalize marijuana), i didn't suspect that this could be a problem. long story short: i cancelled the meeting because i need more time to "prep." translation: we can't have this discussion for fear that some parent might misinterpret what i am doing with the club. sigh. from the principal's standpoint, he is "protecting me" from getting in trouble. i also committed the grevious sin of not asking for his permission to use this topic, i just told him what we were doing and INVITED HIM TO COME TO THE MEETING. my theory was that if i have to get every topic approved for an after school, voluntary discussion club, then kids just won't come. it will be boring and they will quickly see, as i am, that real freedom of speech doesn't exist for the most part in the public school system. and here is the rub with me. on one hand the major complaint is that kids don't think and their analysis skills are diminished, the result, in my opinion, from doing the memorize-for-the-Standards of Learning Test-thing. teachers can no longer stray" off topic" for fear that they won't get all of the material covered in time for the SOL. it is all about the SOL pass numbers and percentage rates. so we teach to the test, kids memorize only what they have to know, and then don't do well because they can't analyze. what they have LEARNED seems to be secondary to having those great pass numbers. supposedly, the numbers DO reflect what students learn. i doubt it. considering the numbers of kids who go to college and never finish, i would argue that they aren't successful in college because it isn't memorization anymore. they have to actually look at things and think them over, and a lot of them just don't know how.
the after school discussion club was an extension of my english class discussions. it provides kids an opportunity to get together with other students and have a civil discourse over current events or meaningful topics. the only rule is that no one is "right" and that we just discuss and exchange ideas and information. but that isn't how this club or even class discussions are being viewed. these forums are viewed as potential areas of "bad press," the key word being POTENTIAL. so on the outside chance that one fanatical parents objects, the whole concept is diluted or destroyed. we have a watered down version of any and everything that stimulates thought.
i know that the administrators are trying to do their jobs. but when are we going to stop working in a vacuum of fear? instead of doing something possibly thought provoking and interesting, we are reduced to doing the same old same old redundant and boring stuff...which isn't stimulating the kids to think outside of the box or even think at all. we got a whole generation of self oriented, vapid kids who appear not to care about much of anything. how do you make them care? in my opinion, you bring them information and exhort them to take it in and to seek it out. there is an interesting world out there, one that may not be what their parents want for them or what their parents want them to see or learn. nonetheless, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. given partial knowledge, we will continue to be close minded, bigoted, negative and defensive. as a result, we will continue to force our individual versions of the truth upon our bretheren. civil discourse will become an oxymoron, if it already hasn't become one.
so, to screw myself over further, i gave my english classes two essays, a column from the seattle times (ellen goodman) and the other from the new york times. both deal with the raging debate over intelligent design (coming soon to a school system near you). i have been careful to give them the facts and definitions, to discuss the essays as pieces of nonfiction, and to ask them their opinions. i have also tried to simply the argument in such as way that they will have some semblance of understanding of what the whole controversy is about. i have been lucky, i suppose, that some child hasn't gone home and complained or shown the essays to a parent. should that happen, whatever good i might have wrought for 119 students will be dispelled by the l who doesn't like it.
so what are my choices? i could stop carrying out what i believe is my "mission" in the classroom, which is to interest kids in becoming lifelong learners. i do this by discussing life and literature and they are tied together. the other choice is to give in and just become an automaton and work out in the darkness of possible "danger" from the occasional upset parent.
i have faced these choices before, and stood my ground. however, now i am starting to feel that i not only need to stand my ground, but to vocally stand up for what i believe, despite the fact i could get in hot water. i am doing absolutely nothing that is punishable by firing. i am just being different and not doing what everyone else does. i have never been a freaking lemming, and i don't want to go over the cliff as one now. if i am going over the cliff, i am going to be like butch cassidy and sundance; i've obviously got to go over, but I DECIDE WHEN AND HOW I AM GOING. i am damned if i will let the pinkerton agents of the school system continue to hound and chase me into submission. if they want to pursue me, so be it. but at least the pursuit won't be easy...
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
so, when IS your vote wasted?
the nasty virginia governor's race is over, and the democratic candidate, tim kaine, has beaten the republican, jerry kilgore. this was an ugly race, about typical for today's politics. it was a racae of nothing but attack ads from all candidates save one, the independent candidate for goverenor, russell potts. potts is normally a republican, but he too was sick of the "business as usual" aspect of american politics, so he chose to run a race that he had no chance this week of winning. but run he did, and i voted for him.
how many times was i told that voting for him was a wasted vote? too many. how many people really didn't like the two choices at all? too many. how many voted for the lesser of two evils? again, you guessed it. so why continue to support a system that is clearly broken and badly needs repair? because there don't seem to be any visible ways to change the status quo.
my theory is that when people finally get sick of having lousy choices, they will really get disgruntled and elect someone off the wall to prove a point. certainly the election of jesse venture an minnesota a few years ago showed that. and kinky friedman's campaign for governor in texas may really turn into something. if in texas, i certainly would support him. he has good ideas and no axe to grind for a party.
the republican and democratic parties no longer stand for much to me. all i see is a bundle of professional politicians who have a vested interest in themselves. people who go into politics are on the ultimate ego trip. they love power, attention, control. so we now have professional politicians. i don't believe our forefathers ever meant for the system to become what it has withered away too...a place where the rich and privileged can buy a way for themselves to go on the endless ego trip. i don't think the average voter means much to an elected official short of being the vehicle by which they can stay on the ego train. the elected lowrents don't seem to care about real issues that affect me or what is best for my child, except for during an election year. they play endless partisan politics. like little boys in a sandbox, they play war, hurl sand, smash each others sandcastles, with the sole goal being winning, period. "he who dies with the most toys wins." but who really wins? what do i gain as a result of filibusters and ridiculous pork barrel spending?
the only way to break this cycle is to begin a grassroots campaign where a candidate walks the streets and rings the doorbells. anyone trying to win in a situation like this pretty much has no hope the first time out. independent candidates just don't have money to publicize themselves. they don't have the backing of the big spenders. they don't have the clout right now. but someone has to start somewhere. someone has to run, like russell potts, and GIVE THE VOTER AN ALTERNATIVE. someone also has to run on the real issues and give people the hard facts. if you want improvements, you are going to likely have to raise taxes. if you want better education, you need to look at what is in place, and find out what is really needed within the buildings. you don't spend you time listening to a bunch of pundits who either never have been in a classroom, or are so far out of it that they don't have a clue. you shake people's hands and look them in the eyes and when they ask you a question, you answer it...HONESTLY. i suspect that most people know that we are all flawed, and if asked about something like "did you smoke marijuana" they would respect the honest answer of "yes." admit it, move on. make it a non-issue.
as citizens, we need to start repairing the nest. our little chicks are growing up looking at this rubbish and thinking it is ok to have scandal after scandal. they see these oily creatures hurling mud at each other, but don't think about it anymore BECAUSE IT IS THE NORM. we need to change the norm.
so vote independent, or run independent and get others on board. we need to have better choices than we have been given. your vote is more wasted if you vote for those whom you know aren't much of a choice. by casting those votes, you continue sending the message back to these often corrupt and out of touch individuals that what they do in our names is ok. it isn't. character counts. so does honesty. we need to make the phrase "honest politician" no longer the oxymoron that it has become.
how many times was i told that voting for him was a wasted vote? too many. how many people really didn't like the two choices at all? too many. how many voted for the lesser of two evils? again, you guessed it. so why continue to support a system that is clearly broken and badly needs repair? because there don't seem to be any visible ways to change the status quo.
my theory is that when people finally get sick of having lousy choices, they will really get disgruntled and elect someone off the wall to prove a point. certainly the election of jesse venture an minnesota a few years ago showed that. and kinky friedman's campaign for governor in texas may really turn into something. if in texas, i certainly would support him. he has good ideas and no axe to grind for a party.
the republican and democratic parties no longer stand for much to me. all i see is a bundle of professional politicians who have a vested interest in themselves. people who go into politics are on the ultimate ego trip. they love power, attention, control. so we now have professional politicians. i don't believe our forefathers ever meant for the system to become what it has withered away too...a place where the rich and privileged can buy a way for themselves to go on the endless ego trip. i don't think the average voter means much to an elected official short of being the vehicle by which they can stay on the ego train. the elected lowrents don't seem to care about real issues that affect me or what is best for my child, except for during an election year. they play endless partisan politics. like little boys in a sandbox, they play war, hurl sand, smash each others sandcastles, with the sole goal being winning, period. "he who dies with the most toys wins." but who really wins? what do i gain as a result of filibusters and ridiculous pork barrel spending?
the only way to break this cycle is to begin a grassroots campaign where a candidate walks the streets and rings the doorbells. anyone trying to win in a situation like this pretty much has no hope the first time out. independent candidates just don't have money to publicize themselves. they don't have the backing of the big spenders. they don't have the clout right now. but someone has to start somewhere. someone has to run, like russell potts, and GIVE THE VOTER AN ALTERNATIVE. someone also has to run on the real issues and give people the hard facts. if you want improvements, you are going to likely have to raise taxes. if you want better education, you need to look at what is in place, and find out what is really needed within the buildings. you don't spend you time listening to a bunch of pundits who either never have been in a classroom, or are so far out of it that they don't have a clue. you shake people's hands and look them in the eyes and when they ask you a question, you answer it...HONESTLY. i suspect that most people know that we are all flawed, and if asked about something like "did you smoke marijuana" they would respect the honest answer of "yes." admit it, move on. make it a non-issue.
as citizens, we need to start repairing the nest. our little chicks are growing up looking at this rubbish and thinking it is ok to have scandal after scandal. they see these oily creatures hurling mud at each other, but don't think about it anymore BECAUSE IT IS THE NORM. we need to change the norm.
so vote independent, or run independent and get others on board. we need to have better choices than we have been given. your vote is more wasted if you vote for those whom you know aren't much of a choice. by casting those votes, you continue sending the message back to these often corrupt and out of touch individuals that what they do in our names is ok. it isn't. character counts. so does honesty. we need to make the phrase "honest politician" no longer the oxymoron that it has become.
Friday, November 4, 2005
a day in the life of betty bizarre...
today has been an "amusing" day, packed with events that only i could experience.
austin was complaining a couple of days ago about missing chewing gum. it seems that somehow he was short a couple of packs of gum, and was sure that chewing gum fairies were taking it. he had lots of suggestions as to whom had stolen it, and the devilish plot that unknowns had cooked up to rob him of his wealth. i told him he was nuts, and let it go.
i should have investigated.
i was standing in the lunch line today when i noticed my thigh sticking to my pants. hmmm. what could that be? while balancing a tray of quiche, i was trying to unobtrusively unstick myself from my pants. not happening. (and by the way, there is no really unnoticeable way to unstick your thigh from your pants in a cafeteria lunch line.) i began, obviously, to wonder what i had suddenly managed to get into. i had just been to the bathroom, but couldn't imagine that i could have gotten something on myself and not have noticed. how would you not notice something like glue on the toilet seat? after abandoning the quiche in my room, i went to the bathroom to inspect, and discovered, voila, austin's missing chewing gum...stuck to the OUTSIDE OF MY UNDERPANTS. of course, at this point, it had melted on to the INSIDE OF MY REAL PANTS, and now had transferred itself to my thigh.
problem here. how does one get chewing gum off of the underpants and the pants?answer: you don't.
problem: how does a big person get chewing gum 0ff of the inside of your thigh when a) you don't even know it is chewing gum and b) you can't see your thigh. also keep in mind that chewing gum doesn't just peel off of your thigh. and, by the way, your thighs are not the toughest skin locations around. trying to wipe off chewing gum with toilet paper is about like scraping your face with a rake.
i decided to get off as much as possible, which only succeeded in spreading the love around. i finally decided to stick the underwear onto the pants, sort of like velcro, and hope for the best (it didn't work). i was,however, relieved to find that a co-worker in the library knew for a fact that skin-so-soft would remove the nasty gum from my thigh. why she had that there in the library, i will never know, but i am happy to report that it works. i also smelled good. i was told it also worked on taking the gum off of the pants, but i wasn't willing to walk around for the rest of the day with an oil spill in that area.
my son austin found this to be riotously funny. i told him i hope that one day he might find gum on the INSIDE OF HIS UNDERWEAR where 10,000 pubic hairs would scream their anguish...
the big question now is WHERE IS THE REST OF THE GUM? tune in as we discover gum in socks, bras, and other locations gum was never meant to occupy...
p.s. - to make my day complete, i put my little hooptie car into the shop for a series of what i hope will be minor repairs (i.e. under $200), only to come home and find the other car has a dead battery. i am now waiting for a jump so i can go into town and get a battery charger from my ex-husband. he has called to say he is hiding the battery charger inside his work truck, as tonight would "not be a good night to come in." translation: the girlfriend must be having issues. sigh. i am now missing my pottery class for the 2nd week in a row, and i am having a hot flash. i think i will go clean the toilets, as that might be preferable to throwing myself into the pond outside...
update 11/19/05: austin was actually right about the missing chewing gum. meg snagged a couple of packs from the box when she fetched my yoga mat for me and delivered it to school! we both thought this was a riot, as who would be counting packs of chewing gum? she has now ended up with ALL of the gum, as austin just had spacers put in for the braces that are coming in a week, and gum for the next millenium is verboten.
austin was complaining a couple of days ago about missing chewing gum. it seems that somehow he was short a couple of packs of gum, and was sure that chewing gum fairies were taking it. he had lots of suggestions as to whom had stolen it, and the devilish plot that unknowns had cooked up to rob him of his wealth. i told him he was nuts, and let it go.
i should have investigated.
i was standing in the lunch line today when i noticed my thigh sticking to my pants. hmmm. what could that be? while balancing a tray of quiche, i was trying to unobtrusively unstick myself from my pants. not happening. (and by the way, there is no really unnoticeable way to unstick your thigh from your pants in a cafeteria lunch line.) i began, obviously, to wonder what i had suddenly managed to get into. i had just been to the bathroom, but couldn't imagine that i could have gotten something on myself and not have noticed. how would you not notice something like glue on the toilet seat? after abandoning the quiche in my room, i went to the bathroom to inspect, and discovered, voila, austin's missing chewing gum...stuck to the OUTSIDE OF MY UNDERPANTS. of course, at this point, it had melted on to the INSIDE OF MY REAL PANTS, and now had transferred itself to my thigh.
problem here. how does one get chewing gum off of the underpants and the pants?answer: you don't.
problem: how does a big person get chewing gum 0ff of the inside of your thigh when a) you don't even know it is chewing gum and b) you can't see your thigh. also keep in mind that chewing gum doesn't just peel off of your thigh. and, by the way, your thighs are not the toughest skin locations around. trying to wipe off chewing gum with toilet paper is about like scraping your face with a rake.
i decided to get off as much as possible, which only succeeded in spreading the love around. i finally decided to stick the underwear onto the pants, sort of like velcro, and hope for the best (it didn't work). i was,however, relieved to find that a co-worker in the library knew for a fact that skin-so-soft would remove the nasty gum from my thigh. why she had that there in the library, i will never know, but i am happy to report that it works. i also smelled good. i was told it also worked on taking the gum off of the pants, but i wasn't willing to walk around for the rest of the day with an oil spill in that area.
my son austin found this to be riotously funny. i told him i hope that one day he might find gum on the INSIDE OF HIS UNDERWEAR where 10,000 pubic hairs would scream their anguish...
the big question now is WHERE IS THE REST OF THE GUM? tune in as we discover gum in socks, bras, and other locations gum was never meant to occupy...
p.s. - to make my day complete, i put my little hooptie car into the shop for a series of what i hope will be minor repairs (i.e. under $200), only to come home and find the other car has a dead battery. i am now waiting for a jump so i can go into town and get a battery charger from my ex-husband. he has called to say he is hiding the battery charger inside his work truck, as tonight would "not be a good night to come in." translation: the girlfriend must be having issues. sigh. i am now missing my pottery class for the 2nd week in a row, and i am having a hot flash. i think i will go clean the toilets, as that might be preferable to throwing myself into the pond outside...
update 11/19/05: austin was actually right about the missing chewing gum. meg snagged a couple of packs from the box when she fetched my yoga mat for me and delivered it to school! we both thought this was a riot, as who would be counting packs of chewing gum? she has now ended up with ALL of the gum, as austin just had spacers put in for the braces that are coming in a week, and gum for the next millenium is verboten.
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