i just finished watching an older movie called SOUL FOOD. it concerned a black family in chicago that met every sunday for 40 years for a dinner of soul food. obviously, the food was the draw, but the underlying point was that the family got together. when the matriarch of the family dies, the members go their separate ways, and the tradition is temporarily destroyed. however, her oldest grandchild schemes to get everyone back together on a sunday, and over food, the differences are settled.
tonight my son is with his father burning brush in the backyard of our old home. the house has been sold, and pending a home inspection, will be owned by someone else in a couple of weeks. bebo will move into town with his fiancee, and the "homeplace" that austin grew up in will belong to someone else.
one of the major things that had to be done at least once a year was cutting down the horrid russian olives hedges and burning the branches. in the last few years, bebo has been on a texas chainsaw massacre of the bushes and trees in that yard. he has pretty much reduced it to a fraction of what it once was. in any case, he would pile all of the brush in the back corner of the yard, call up our friends, and burn for hours. people would bring their lawn chairs and beer, and sit around under the back trees in the cool and kibitz. bebo has gotten wise in the last few years by calling the police to let them know he was burning. apparently, some concerned citizens thought the neighborhood was on fire more than once, and called the cops. now they know he is burning, and he isn't bothered.
nonetheless, this will be the last young family brush burning. bebo called a little while ago and asked to borrow austin for the evening to help. i said yes, of course. nothing was mentioned about this being the last time this little ritual will be held. i doubt either of them has thought of it that way. i imagine bebo is probably relieved that he won't have to do this again. i also doubt that he has ever thought about this twice a year burning as being a ritual of family and friends.
i grew up with sunday dinners at my aunt's house. it continued, unabated, until we moved to richmond in 1968. in my own adult life, that ritual has not been repeated. bebo's mother had dinners for birthdays and holidays, and that became my "family" ritual. but now that doesn't exist for me because of the divorce. it is important to me that austin continues to participate in these family outings. Even though he doesn't appreciate them now, he will remember them as he gets older and they will take on a different perspective for him, just as my sundays spent with my family have. there are little things that you remember that are insignificant as individual things. for me it was playing office upstairs in my uncle's office. it was the smell of his camel cigarettes and clean pads of paper. it was the pictures of family in frames on the walls and book shelves. sundays were roast beef, mashed potatoes and green peas. they were also the occasional raw oysters shucked in the garage, the seafood casserole that my aunt made on occasion, and iced tea with sugar at the bottom. the only time i have ever eaten a parfait was for desert on those sundays, and the sunday gatherings always ended with my uncle teddy swinging me around and around by the arms on the front lawn as we were all leaving. my aunt and uncle had the first color tv that i ever saw, and i understand why walt disney's was the wonderful world of color, for that was part of the sunday night lineup, as sure and as true as the fact that sunday afternoons were devoted television wise to golf.
my son's world is a lot smaller family tradition wise, and as i am typing this, a facet of it is burning quickly in the same burn spot that it always has. the people buying the house will inherit the burn spot, but no knowledge of why it was periodically a communal gathering place. when we bought the house 15 years ago, we inherited the developed garden and grounds, one of the major things that attracted us to that place. unfortunately, gardening and landscaping wasn't the bonding experience for bebo and i that it was for the previous family. as a matter of fact, it became a drudgery and a chore, hence the removal of all of the "work" that the previous family had so lovingly planted. maybe the next family will plant it back and it will become someone's labor of love again.
i cannot go and stand next to that fire tonight, even though part of me wants to. it makes me wonder what my ex-husband is thinking about as he is tossing branches on the pile. i am sure austin is only thinking about making the fire flare up bigger, and i am sure bebo is hoping the chore won't take long. at this stage of austin's life it is going to be hard to create a new tradition, especially considering the fractured fairytale that is his "family." my hope is that when he grows up and examines and scrutinizes his childhood, as he will do, that he is kind, and that maybe he will remember these things and want to create things for himself and his own family. bonds become stronger when you repeat them. that is really what the threads of life are all about...taking the threads and weaving them until they are visible and viable and mean something...
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