i love intellectual humor, and this program is a hoot. each week they do a current events "quiz" and the panel and audience members answer the questions. they are sooooo funny. worth the time listening, and it can be done on line at the following link. you can go to "this week's program" or the archives for past programs. you could also listen to it on your local PBS radio station, but the times vary and aren't always at a convenient time. give it a try! :)
http://www.npr.org/programs/waitwait/
Saturday, October 29, 2005
falling into fall...
it is saturday morning, and i have just returned from actually doing something on a saturday morning that doesn't involve going to a baseball game. the fall baseball season is now over, so i am left at loose ends, actually able to enjoy not having an agenda.
i have delivered austin to his father for the day. bebo is moving out of the house and into jackie's house, and he needed the "manpower" to lift and tote. i explained to austin that this would not be an easy day for his dad. it was, i told him, a "transition" day, one that people of all ages have periodically. moving out of the house after having resided there for 15 years is definitely a transition. i told him that his father is leaving something he knew for something he isn't sure about. marriage apparently will occur in the spring, so then things will be legal. but for now, he is buying half of jackie's house and moving in with her.
there were people there that i didn't know, and i had gotten bebo a cup of coffee and doughnuts (austin's idea). jackie didn't seem too thrilled to see me, and was very curt and pretty much blew me off. sigh. more drama not needed. maybe she didn't realize i was there at bebo's request. i retrieved a this end up coffee table that he no longer wanted, and i also rescued some rocks out of the flower bed that i had collected from the creek at uncle jack and steve's home in west virginia. i thought briefly about walking around the backyard for one last time, and had intended to do that, but when i got there and stood on the deck, i realized that i, happily, was done with that place, and had been since i moved out of there 2 1/2 years ago. that made me feel pretty good. i am hoping after today that austin's attachment and angst over the selling of the place will subside and he will move on. with his father at jackie's, it at least puts all of the people under one roof. austin will be able to walk, if he wants, to see his aunts or grandmother. bebo will not have to choose between time with austin and time with jackie. he can just do stuff with austin or not. it should be very strange for austin, but he has to get used to it. it isn't going to change in the foreseeable future.
as for me, i went to petsmart and looked at fish, and again had a revived interest in putting an aquarium back together. standing there looking at the fish after jackie's non-greeting made me a little calmer and more hopeful. a few minutes of fish meditation was good. i sort of decompressed and wasn't as angry, hurt and pissed off as i had been when i drove away. i went to a & n and bought myself 2 pairs of on sale tennis shoes, one black, one white. i haven't bought tennis shoes in years, and really needed them. i also bought xmas present t-shirts for austin and a pair of sweat pants for myself. after that, i walked to panera bread and felt intellectual sitting in a bright window seat listening to classical music, drinking a cup of coffee, and eating a pink ribbon bagel (they are in honor of national breast cancer month, and they were good). however, nothing ever goes the way you want it to, and the bagel jammed and i had to come home because my stomach went wacko...so here i am, writing. i need to get all of my plant stuff in some sort of decent order/location for the winter and i could go out and do some more xmas shopping for austin i guess. right now, i am enjoying the cooler weather, the prospect of another cup of coffee later in the day on my porch, a nice sunset, and my new tennis shoes feeling good on my feet. simple pleasures, simply fall.
p.s. when i did the spell check on this, when it got to the name "jackie" it asked if i wanted to replace it with "jackass"...god does have a good sense of humor...:)
i have delivered austin to his father for the day. bebo is moving out of the house and into jackie's house, and he needed the "manpower" to lift and tote. i explained to austin that this would not be an easy day for his dad. it was, i told him, a "transition" day, one that people of all ages have periodically. moving out of the house after having resided there for 15 years is definitely a transition. i told him that his father is leaving something he knew for something he isn't sure about. marriage apparently will occur in the spring, so then things will be legal. but for now, he is buying half of jackie's house and moving in with her.
there were people there that i didn't know, and i had gotten bebo a cup of coffee and doughnuts (austin's idea). jackie didn't seem too thrilled to see me, and was very curt and pretty much blew me off. sigh. more drama not needed. maybe she didn't realize i was there at bebo's request. i retrieved a this end up coffee table that he no longer wanted, and i also rescued some rocks out of the flower bed that i had collected from the creek at uncle jack and steve's home in west virginia. i thought briefly about walking around the backyard for one last time, and had intended to do that, but when i got there and stood on the deck, i realized that i, happily, was done with that place, and had been since i moved out of there 2 1/2 years ago. that made me feel pretty good. i am hoping after today that austin's attachment and angst over the selling of the place will subside and he will move on. with his father at jackie's, it at least puts all of the people under one roof. austin will be able to walk, if he wants, to see his aunts or grandmother. bebo will not have to choose between time with austin and time with jackie. he can just do stuff with austin or not. it should be very strange for austin, but he has to get used to it. it isn't going to change in the foreseeable future.
as for me, i went to petsmart and looked at fish, and again had a revived interest in putting an aquarium back together. standing there looking at the fish after jackie's non-greeting made me a little calmer and more hopeful. a few minutes of fish meditation was good. i sort of decompressed and wasn't as angry, hurt and pissed off as i had been when i drove away. i went to a & n and bought myself 2 pairs of on sale tennis shoes, one black, one white. i haven't bought tennis shoes in years, and really needed them. i also bought xmas present t-shirts for austin and a pair of sweat pants for myself. after that, i walked to panera bread and felt intellectual sitting in a bright window seat listening to classical music, drinking a cup of coffee, and eating a pink ribbon bagel (they are in honor of national breast cancer month, and they were good). however, nothing ever goes the way you want it to, and the bagel jammed and i had to come home because my stomach went wacko...so here i am, writing. i need to get all of my plant stuff in some sort of decent order/location for the winter and i could go out and do some more xmas shopping for austin i guess. right now, i am enjoying the cooler weather, the prospect of another cup of coffee later in the day on my porch, a nice sunset, and my new tennis shoes feeling good on my feet. simple pleasures, simply fall.
p.s. when i did the spell check on this, when it got to the name "jackie" it asked if i wanted to replace it with "jackass"...god does have a good sense of humor...:)
Sunday, October 16, 2005
the return of the twin deer
one of the great things about living along a wilderness area is just that...wilderness. for me, it means big blue, my heron. it means snapping turtles in the spring spitting at you and laying eggs. it means the wonders of the different types of dragon flies that land on my hands and the horrors of the big behemoth writing spiders that have set up camp on my back deck. i have never fished in the pond, but others have, so i know there are indeed fish. and i also have the best of the best...pet deer.
in an amazing show of grace, last year we had a family of deer that visited us...an interesting family at that. only once did we see the whole family...a stag, the doe, and believe it or not, twin fawns. austin saw the whole family, but both of us frequently saw mother and daughters, as they returned twice a day to the backyard to graze and look for food.
my property joins with the beginning of the chickahominy swamp, and the area becomes a hunter's paradise in the fall. i know that they hunters cannot come within 300 yards of development, so i began putting out squirrel food and birdseed for the deer. i figured if i fed them, they would stay up at this end of the swamp. i realize, of course, that deer are overpopulated, etc. but i just couldn't see letting these particular beautiful creatures be slaughtered.
i have been thinking about those deer off and on for several days and this morning i went to the window in the kitchen and there they were. it was as if god had said "time to feed my creatures, ellen." so i went out to the shed and found what was left of last year's squirrel food, and then i hauled the huge sack of deer corn that i bought at walmart out to the shed. i discovered this cheap means of luring them a couple of months ago, and have been buying up the sacks for them. ironically, the hunters use it to lure the animals to their deaths. i am luring them to their lives.
so hopefully tonight they will have their first fall meal, one that will be consistent and last for the next 6 months. i stop feeding them in the spring, and they still come around occasionally. the real surprise is that the twins have come back. i figured they wouldn't. i knew i wouldn't see the mother doe, but she may have new babies by now and may return as well. we will see how nature takes its course, although i have altered the path quite a bit...
in an amazing show of grace, last year we had a family of deer that visited us...an interesting family at that. only once did we see the whole family...a stag, the doe, and believe it or not, twin fawns. austin saw the whole family, but both of us frequently saw mother and daughters, as they returned twice a day to the backyard to graze and look for food.
my property joins with the beginning of the chickahominy swamp, and the area becomes a hunter's paradise in the fall. i know that they hunters cannot come within 300 yards of development, so i began putting out squirrel food and birdseed for the deer. i figured if i fed them, they would stay up at this end of the swamp. i realize, of course, that deer are overpopulated, etc. but i just couldn't see letting these particular beautiful creatures be slaughtered.
i have been thinking about those deer off and on for several days and this morning i went to the window in the kitchen and there they were. it was as if god had said "time to feed my creatures, ellen." so i went out to the shed and found what was left of last year's squirrel food, and then i hauled the huge sack of deer corn that i bought at walmart out to the shed. i discovered this cheap means of luring them a couple of months ago, and have been buying up the sacks for them. ironically, the hunters use it to lure the animals to their deaths. i am luring them to their lives.
so hopefully tonight they will have their first fall meal, one that will be consistent and last for the next 6 months. i stop feeding them in the spring, and they still come around occasionally. the real surprise is that the twins have come back. i figured they wouldn't. i knew i wouldn't see the mother doe, but she may have new babies by now and may return as well. we will see how nature takes its course, although i have altered the path quite a bit...
Saturday, October 15, 2005
of burning brush piles, soul food, and traditions...
i just finished watching an older movie called SOUL FOOD. it concerned a black family in chicago that met every sunday for 40 years for a dinner of soul food. obviously, the food was the draw, but the underlying point was that the family got together. when the matriarch of the family dies, the members go their separate ways, and the tradition is temporarily destroyed. however, her oldest grandchild schemes to get everyone back together on a sunday, and over food, the differences are settled.
tonight my son is with his father burning brush in the backyard of our old home. the house has been sold, and pending a home inspection, will be owned by someone else in a couple of weeks. bebo will move into town with his fiancee, and the "homeplace" that austin grew up in will belong to someone else.
one of the major things that had to be done at least once a year was cutting down the horrid russian olives hedges and burning the branches. in the last few years, bebo has been on a texas chainsaw massacre of the bushes and trees in that yard. he has pretty much reduced it to a fraction of what it once was. in any case, he would pile all of the brush in the back corner of the yard, call up our friends, and burn for hours. people would bring their lawn chairs and beer, and sit around under the back trees in the cool and kibitz. bebo has gotten wise in the last few years by calling the police to let them know he was burning. apparently, some concerned citizens thought the neighborhood was on fire more than once, and called the cops. now they know he is burning, and he isn't bothered.
nonetheless, this will be the last young family brush burning. bebo called a little while ago and asked to borrow austin for the evening to help. i said yes, of course. nothing was mentioned about this being the last time this little ritual will be held. i doubt either of them has thought of it that way. i imagine bebo is probably relieved that he won't have to do this again. i also doubt that he has ever thought about this twice a year burning as being a ritual of family and friends.
i grew up with sunday dinners at my aunt's house. it continued, unabated, until we moved to richmond in 1968. in my own adult life, that ritual has not been repeated. bebo's mother had dinners for birthdays and holidays, and that became my "family" ritual. but now that doesn't exist for me because of the divorce. it is important to me that austin continues to participate in these family outings. Even though he doesn't appreciate them now, he will remember them as he gets older and they will take on a different perspective for him, just as my sundays spent with my family have. there are little things that you remember that are insignificant as individual things. for me it was playing office upstairs in my uncle's office. it was the smell of his camel cigarettes and clean pads of paper. it was the pictures of family in frames on the walls and book shelves. sundays were roast beef, mashed potatoes and green peas. they were also the occasional raw oysters shucked in the garage, the seafood casserole that my aunt made on occasion, and iced tea with sugar at the bottom. the only time i have ever eaten a parfait was for desert on those sundays, and the sunday gatherings always ended with my uncle teddy swinging me around and around by the arms on the front lawn as we were all leaving. my aunt and uncle had the first color tv that i ever saw, and i understand why walt disney's was the wonderful world of color, for that was part of the sunday night lineup, as sure and as true as the fact that sunday afternoons were devoted television wise to golf.
my son's world is a lot smaller family tradition wise, and as i am typing this, a facet of it is burning quickly in the same burn spot that it always has. the people buying the house will inherit the burn spot, but no knowledge of why it was periodically a communal gathering place. when we bought the house 15 years ago, we inherited the developed garden and grounds, one of the major things that attracted us to that place. unfortunately, gardening and landscaping wasn't the bonding experience for bebo and i that it was for the previous family. as a matter of fact, it became a drudgery and a chore, hence the removal of all of the "work" that the previous family had so lovingly planted. maybe the next family will plant it back and it will become someone's labor of love again.
i cannot go and stand next to that fire tonight, even though part of me wants to. it makes me wonder what my ex-husband is thinking about as he is tossing branches on the pile. i am sure austin is only thinking about making the fire flare up bigger, and i am sure bebo is hoping the chore won't take long. at this stage of austin's life it is going to be hard to create a new tradition, especially considering the fractured fairytale that is his "family." my hope is that when he grows up and examines and scrutinizes his childhood, as he will do, that he is kind, and that maybe he will remember these things and want to create things for himself and his own family. bonds become stronger when you repeat them. that is really what the threads of life are all about...taking the threads and weaving them until they are visible and viable and mean something...
tonight my son is with his father burning brush in the backyard of our old home. the house has been sold, and pending a home inspection, will be owned by someone else in a couple of weeks. bebo will move into town with his fiancee, and the "homeplace" that austin grew up in will belong to someone else.
one of the major things that had to be done at least once a year was cutting down the horrid russian olives hedges and burning the branches. in the last few years, bebo has been on a texas chainsaw massacre of the bushes and trees in that yard. he has pretty much reduced it to a fraction of what it once was. in any case, he would pile all of the brush in the back corner of the yard, call up our friends, and burn for hours. people would bring their lawn chairs and beer, and sit around under the back trees in the cool and kibitz. bebo has gotten wise in the last few years by calling the police to let them know he was burning. apparently, some concerned citizens thought the neighborhood was on fire more than once, and called the cops. now they know he is burning, and he isn't bothered.
nonetheless, this will be the last young family brush burning. bebo called a little while ago and asked to borrow austin for the evening to help. i said yes, of course. nothing was mentioned about this being the last time this little ritual will be held. i doubt either of them has thought of it that way. i imagine bebo is probably relieved that he won't have to do this again. i also doubt that he has ever thought about this twice a year burning as being a ritual of family and friends.
i grew up with sunday dinners at my aunt's house. it continued, unabated, until we moved to richmond in 1968. in my own adult life, that ritual has not been repeated. bebo's mother had dinners for birthdays and holidays, and that became my "family" ritual. but now that doesn't exist for me because of the divorce. it is important to me that austin continues to participate in these family outings. Even though he doesn't appreciate them now, he will remember them as he gets older and they will take on a different perspective for him, just as my sundays spent with my family have. there are little things that you remember that are insignificant as individual things. for me it was playing office upstairs in my uncle's office. it was the smell of his camel cigarettes and clean pads of paper. it was the pictures of family in frames on the walls and book shelves. sundays were roast beef, mashed potatoes and green peas. they were also the occasional raw oysters shucked in the garage, the seafood casserole that my aunt made on occasion, and iced tea with sugar at the bottom. the only time i have ever eaten a parfait was for desert on those sundays, and the sunday gatherings always ended with my uncle teddy swinging me around and around by the arms on the front lawn as we were all leaving. my aunt and uncle had the first color tv that i ever saw, and i understand why walt disney's was the wonderful world of color, for that was part of the sunday night lineup, as sure and as true as the fact that sunday afternoons were devoted television wise to golf.
my son's world is a lot smaller family tradition wise, and as i am typing this, a facet of it is burning quickly in the same burn spot that it always has. the people buying the house will inherit the burn spot, but no knowledge of why it was periodically a communal gathering place. when we bought the house 15 years ago, we inherited the developed garden and grounds, one of the major things that attracted us to that place. unfortunately, gardening and landscaping wasn't the bonding experience for bebo and i that it was for the previous family. as a matter of fact, it became a drudgery and a chore, hence the removal of all of the "work" that the previous family had so lovingly planted. maybe the next family will plant it back and it will become someone's labor of love again.
i cannot go and stand next to that fire tonight, even though part of me wants to. it makes me wonder what my ex-husband is thinking about as he is tossing branches on the pile. i am sure austin is only thinking about making the fire flare up bigger, and i am sure bebo is hoping the chore won't take long. at this stage of austin's life it is going to be hard to create a new tradition, especially considering the fractured fairytale that is his "family." my hope is that when he grows up and examines and scrutinizes his childhood, as he will do, that he is kind, and that maybe he will remember these things and want to create things for himself and his own family. bonds become stronger when you repeat them. that is really what the threads of life are all about...taking the threads and weaving them until they are visible and viable and mean something...
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Travels with...?
I have been rereading John Steinbeck's TRAVELS WITH CHARLEY and I have decided that I, too, would like to go off an find out where the real America is.
In 1960, John Steinbeck was having some health problems (which later killed him), and was a bit depressed. Urged by some friends, including Adlai Stevenson, he decided to go off to "look for America" as Simon and Garfunkel would say. He bought a pickup truck and had a camper made to go on the the back of it. He called it Rocinante, after the horse of Don Quixote. He took his French poodle, Charley, and he took off from his home in Sag Harbor, NY in September of 1960 . He met his wife, Elaine, and her relatives in Amarillo, Texas for Thanksgiving that year, and he returned to New York by New Years of 1961. The Steinbeck Center in California currently has Rocinante on display. Click here for the story of Rocinante! http://www.steinbeck.org/Rocinante.html
Steinbeck stayed off of the interstate system as much as he possibly could. An interesting concept, as in 1960 the interstate system was nothing as compared to today. He went to little places, such as Aroostook, Maine which at that time was considered one of the two biggest areas of potato production.
I think I would try and follow Steinbeck's trail across the northern part of the United States. I would want to end up in California where he, Steinbeck, was born and where he did most of his writing. This would take me through North Dakota and the upper midwestern states of Wisconsin and Michigan. I would go to Seattle, as he did, and then down the Oregon coast to California.
Obviously, to do this I would need money. There is a local teachers award given here call the R.E.B. award. Teachers are nominated for it, and if selected, they receive money to pursue some sort of academic/educational dream. Since I teach Steinbeck each year, this certainly would play into what I teach and would enhance my teaching of THE PEARL, THE GRAPES OF WRATH, and OF MICE AND MEN.
It would not be inexpensive. I would need a small RV, such as the one he had, and I would need a laptop computer. I would keep a blog like this one of my adventures, and I would need a digital camera. I don't have any of these things, so whatever money I would get would go to financing this adventure. Of course, I would have to be nominated first for the awards, and that in and of itself is the first hurdle.
Nonetheless, it is fun to dream.
Instead of a dog, it could be Travels with...ellen, or austin, or whomever would like to join me on this leg of the trip. I hope I get a chance to do this someday.
In 1960, John Steinbeck was having some health problems (which later killed him), and was a bit depressed. Urged by some friends, including Adlai Stevenson, he decided to go off to "look for America" as Simon and Garfunkel would say. He bought a pickup truck and had a camper made to go on the the back of it. He called it Rocinante, after the horse of Don Quixote. He took his French poodle, Charley, and he took off from his home in Sag Harbor, NY in September of 1960 . He met his wife, Elaine, and her relatives in Amarillo, Texas for Thanksgiving that year, and he returned to New York by New Years of 1961. The Steinbeck Center in California currently has Rocinante on display. Click here for the story of Rocinante! http://www.steinbeck.org/Rocinante.html
Steinbeck stayed off of the interstate system as much as he possibly could. An interesting concept, as in 1960 the interstate system was nothing as compared to today. He went to little places, such as Aroostook, Maine which at that time was considered one of the two biggest areas of potato production.
I think I would try and follow Steinbeck's trail across the northern part of the United States. I would want to end up in California where he, Steinbeck, was born and where he did most of his writing. This would take me through North Dakota and the upper midwestern states of Wisconsin and Michigan. I would go to Seattle, as he did, and then down the Oregon coast to California.
Obviously, to do this I would need money. There is a local teachers award given here call the R.E.B. award. Teachers are nominated for it, and if selected, they receive money to pursue some sort of academic/educational dream. Since I teach Steinbeck each year, this certainly would play into what I teach and would enhance my teaching of THE PEARL, THE GRAPES OF WRATH, and OF MICE AND MEN.
It would not be inexpensive. I would need a small RV, such as the one he had, and I would need a laptop computer. I would keep a blog like this one of my adventures, and I would need a digital camera. I don't have any of these things, so whatever money I would get would go to financing this adventure. Of course, I would have to be nominated first for the awards, and that in and of itself is the first hurdle.
Nonetheless, it is fun to dream.
Instead of a dog, it could be Travels with...ellen, or austin, or whomever would like to join me on this leg of the trip. I hope I get a chance to do this someday.
Saturday, October 8, 2005
pick five and dine...
fantasy dinner: pick 5 people, living or dead, historical or not to meet for dinner. who would those people be, and what would you talk about?
i was thinking about this on the way to pottery last night, and on my way home again, as i just couldn't come up with an immediate answer. my lack of response in and of itself was interesting. i just couldn't think of 5 people i absolutely had to meet or greet or eat with. rather than have all 5 in one place, i entertained the thought of having them one on one at panera bread or tgif fridays or eating thai food or ethiopian. but then, there is safety in numbers. what if the dalai lama turned out to be a boring conversationalist? and what would i talk about to him? you have to figure that he must get bored talking about spirituality and buddhism all of the time, so what would i ask him? read any good books lately, tenzen? what did you think about THE DAVINCI CODE? and where could we go to talk that he wouldn't be followed by an entourage? it isn't like you can just go out into public with an old dude in an orange sheet and not expect to be noticed. besides, he doesn't speak the language very well. and compared to him, my life is a tad boring.
regardless of who i would invite, the problem of conversation is going to come up. how do you make it a one on one, equal kind of conversation? obviously, if i am picking the dinner company, i am going to be picking someone i do not feel equal too. try awe...wouldn't you pick people that you stand in awe of? ok, given that, give me barbra streisand, linda ronstadt, amelia earhart and carole lombard. but i don't know them. would they be kind to me? would streisand turn out to be a difficult diva? would ronstadt, given her penchant for ignoring the public, even show up? would amelia earhart talk at all, or just keep to herself? and could carole lombard possibly be as funny as everyone said she was, and just as brassy?
i think i have figured out that the dinner party with the five is more fun to think about than do, simply because fantasy is always better than reality. i have had a few occasions to see some of my "idols" in concert, and have walked away thinking i could now die happy. that includes bruce springsteen, jackson browne, the righteous brothers, johnny rivers, and linda ronstadt. in all cases, i was satisfied that i got my money's worth. but had i been able to hang out with each for a week, i doubt that i would have found the icons to be without feet of clay. it is so much more fun to imagine them a certain way than to experience them failing to fit the mold.
i think i would rather observe from a distance, or shake a hand or get an autograph. a one on one conversation would not give me what i want, which is the ability to adore without disappointment.
i was thinking about this on the way to pottery last night, and on my way home again, as i just couldn't come up with an immediate answer. my lack of response in and of itself was interesting. i just couldn't think of 5 people i absolutely had to meet or greet or eat with. rather than have all 5 in one place, i entertained the thought of having them one on one at panera bread or tgif fridays or eating thai food or ethiopian. but then, there is safety in numbers. what if the dalai lama turned out to be a boring conversationalist? and what would i talk about to him? you have to figure that he must get bored talking about spirituality and buddhism all of the time, so what would i ask him? read any good books lately, tenzen? what did you think about THE DAVINCI CODE? and where could we go to talk that he wouldn't be followed by an entourage? it isn't like you can just go out into public with an old dude in an orange sheet and not expect to be noticed. besides, he doesn't speak the language very well. and compared to him, my life is a tad boring.
regardless of who i would invite, the problem of conversation is going to come up. how do you make it a one on one, equal kind of conversation? obviously, if i am picking the dinner company, i am going to be picking someone i do not feel equal too. try awe...wouldn't you pick people that you stand in awe of? ok, given that, give me barbra streisand, linda ronstadt, amelia earhart and carole lombard. but i don't know them. would they be kind to me? would streisand turn out to be a difficult diva? would ronstadt, given her penchant for ignoring the public, even show up? would amelia earhart talk at all, or just keep to herself? and could carole lombard possibly be as funny as everyone said she was, and just as brassy?
i think i have figured out that the dinner party with the five is more fun to think about than do, simply because fantasy is always better than reality. i have had a few occasions to see some of my "idols" in concert, and have walked away thinking i could now die happy. that includes bruce springsteen, jackson browne, the righteous brothers, johnny rivers, and linda ronstadt. in all cases, i was satisfied that i got my money's worth. but had i been able to hang out with each for a week, i doubt that i would have found the icons to be without feet of clay. it is so much more fun to imagine them a certain way than to experience them failing to fit the mold.
i think i would rather observe from a distance, or shake a hand or get an autograph. a one on one conversation would not give me what i want, which is the ability to adore without disappointment.
what do you REALLY know for sure?
yesterday, in a rare incident of me watching daytime televison, i tuned in to OPRAH, who was interviewing actress uma thurman, who in turn was interviewing one of her idols, actress meryl streep. in the interview, thurman asked streep what in life did she really know for sure.
i don't remember streep's answer, as it wasn't all that profound, which is ok. but it did get me thinking...what do i really know for sure?
the answer for me is...no answer. i can't say i know anything is sure. as a matter of fact, i am coming more and more to the conclusion that nothing is sure. i don't think there is any real truth out there, if you are looking for truth on the conventional yardstick. it seems to me now that instead of seeking truth and answers, i am just seeking information. i used to seek the information so that i could make an informed decision, but now i think i just want the facts to ponder over. i don't have to make a decision about everything. even the decisions i do make, always aren't meant to stay permanent. i guess life isn't sure, perception isn't sure, and even good old ben franklin might not be sure about death and taxes...life is probably THE TRUMAN SHOW and somewhere someone is having a good laugh looking at us playing out "life" under a microscope...
i don't remember streep's answer, as it wasn't all that profound, which is ok. but it did get me thinking...what do i really know for sure?
the answer for me is...no answer. i can't say i know anything is sure. as a matter of fact, i am coming more and more to the conclusion that nothing is sure. i don't think there is any real truth out there, if you are looking for truth on the conventional yardstick. it seems to me now that instead of seeking truth and answers, i am just seeking information. i used to seek the information so that i could make an informed decision, but now i think i just want the facts to ponder over. i don't have to make a decision about everything. even the decisions i do make, always aren't meant to stay permanent. i guess life isn't sure, perception isn't sure, and even good old ben franklin might not be sure about death and taxes...life is probably THE TRUMAN SHOW and somewhere someone is having a good laugh looking at us playing out "life" under a microscope...
Thursday, October 6, 2005
another interesting day in atlee town...
two days ago i had an interesting encounter on the way to work. about 100 yards from the entrance to the school a student's car caught on fire. i was about 15 or 20 cars behind the car and was just sitting there wondering what the holdup was. i noticed all the people in front of me getting out of their cars, so i got out too to see smoke up ahead. we stood there in the middle of the road watching the car slowly burning. as soon as i saw that, i immediately thought to call school to let them know that nothing was going to be coming in or out on the road anytime soon, including me. i didn't have my cell phone...so the school librarian, who was in front of me, called to deliver the dreary news. the end result? i walked up and checked on students who were watching it burn. i offered my car for some to sit in, which they did. i watched the fire when it really took off (the car had a full tank of gas), and then i went back to my car and calmly sat grading papers. the fire truck finally came and put out the fire, and eventually we were able to drive past the crispy carcass of the car as we got to school. all of the buses were late getting there, so the first hour of school was a waste. i just let my kids have study hall, as i myself was 30 minutes late to getting to the class.
in the afternoon when i drove home, i drove over the melted burned area in the asphalt, the X that marks the spot of a weird morning. i keep thinking that despite the fact that the car was completely burned, the bright blue of the paint was still visible on the sides of the car, enough for me to think it was a pretty color pre-torching. i also have a vision of the librarian in the car in front of me reading the newspaper that i gave her, and my grading papers while chaos went on around me. i wonder if this is what it was like when nero went fiddling while rome was burning...
in the afternoon when i drove home, i drove over the melted burned area in the asphalt, the X that marks the spot of a weird morning. i keep thinking that despite the fact that the car was completely burned, the bright blue of the paint was still visible on the sides of the car, enough for me to think it was a pretty color pre-torching. i also have a vision of the librarian in the car in front of me reading the newspaper that i gave her, and my grading papers while chaos went on around me. i wonder if this is what it was like when nero went fiddling while rome was burning...
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