how to deal with disappointment with man...

i am having, again, a total exasperation with humanity in general. why do people have to act so badly to each other? why are we so totally self-centered so much of the time? how do people live with what they do and not feel any guilt? how do the junta leaders in myanmar live with themselves? over 28,000 people dead from a cyclone, bodies bloated and rotting, people dying of typhoid. and they refuse help from the united nations and the u.s.a., and they kick people out of the schools that were being used as shelters so they could have a vote on the constitution that would take even more rights away from the people? how can anyone justify that kind of action and sleep well at night?
why won't hillary clinton quit? what can she gain other than making more and more people divide in this country? how can she get up in the morning with a clear conscience? why doesn't she see that her personal need for power shouldn't trump what is best for the country?
why do kids talk rudely to adults? why do people simply buy gifts for mother's day, birthdays, christmas and think because they bought SOMETHING that is means anything?
on the daily OM today there was a way to address this. i think things have a reason for popping up in my life, like angel pennies, when i need them. this seems to fit the bill...

May 12, 2008 In The World And In Ourselves Feeling Fed Up With Humanity
From time to time, we may all feel fed up with humanity, whether it's from learning about what's going on around the world, or what’s going on next door. There are always situations that leave us feeling as if people are simply not capable of behaving in a way that is coming from a place of awareness. Often it seems as if people are actually geared to handle things in the worst possible way, repeatedly. At the same time, none of us wants to linger in a judgmental mood about our own species. As a result, we might tend to repress the feelings coming up as we take in the news from the world and the neighborhood. It is natural to feel let down and disappointed when we see our fellow humans behaving in ways that are greedy, selfish, violent, or uncaring, but there are also ways to process that disappointment without sinking into despondency. As with any emotional response, we honor our feelings by feeling them fully, without judging or acting on them. Once we've done that—and we may need to do it every day, as part of our daily self-care—we can begin to consider ways that we might help the situation in which humanity finds itself. As always, we start with ourselves, utilizing our awareness of the failings of others to renew our own commitment to be more conscious human beings. We are all capable of the best and the worst that humanity has to offer, and remembering this keeps us in check, as well as allowing us to find compassion for others. We may find ourselves feeling compelled to serve people who are suffering injustices at the hands of other people, or we may begin to speak out when we see something that we don’t think is right. Whatever the case, the only thing we can do is pledge to serve the best, rather than the worst, of what humanity has to offer, both in the world, and in ourselves.

new look, part II

well, after an all night marathon of blogging heaven, i can say that i have achieved some level of understanding of html code and how to make a header all my own! this has been quite inspirational. i don't know when the last time was that i stayed up until almost 5 a.m., but work i did. hope you like the new look. i am designing other "looks" with the other headers that i made, and i will change the looks periodically depending on my mood!

you might be a school employee if...

...you believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick
....you want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have your summers off ."
....it is difficult to name your own child because there's no name you can
come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is uttered
....you can tell it's a full moon or if it going to rain, snow, hail....anything!!! Without ever looking outside
....you believe, "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on a report card
....you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
....when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior
....you have no social life between August and June
....you think people should have a government permit before being allowed to reproduce
....you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge."
....you encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling and are willing to donate the UHAUL boxes should they decide to move out of district
....you think caffeine should be available in intravenous form
....you can't imagine how the ACLU could think that covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be misunderstood by the public
....meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"
....you would choose a mammogram over a parent conference
....you think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons...and desks and chairs for that matter!!!

"We are angels with but one wing, and to fly we must embrace each other"

new look...!

i have been playing with trying to get a 3rd column on this. i finally found some instructions and tonight have been tweaking the blog. i now have 3 columns, but they aren't placed where i want them. soooo...back to the html board...i hope to get the blog posts in the middle and to bracket it with the 2 columns. i thought that was what i was doing, but apparently some piece of code is wrong. anyway, this is a new start. eventually, i hope to have new background and a better header, something more personal and designed by me. we'll se...

fortunate friday!

my former student, maddie, has a THANKFUL THURSDAY where she once a week list things she is thankful for. i missed thursday somehow, and now it is friday, so today were are having FORTUNATE FRIDAY!

no headaches this week i did have one a couple of days ago, and decided to break down and try drinking caffeine to get rid of it. so i drank about an inch and a half of suzanne hall's "jet fuel" that is disguised as coffee, and, lo and behold, the headache went away! i am still a bit skeptical, but it worked and that is good. another trick in the pretty empty bag of headache cures...

verizon finally sent me a check for the money they have owed me since january... well, what a pleasant shock. and i had just quit thinking that i couldn't move that mountain. apparently someone took pity on me. they wacked my checking account BY MISTAKE for over $600 in january and then set a new record for ineptness and ignorance. one idiot forgot to flip a switch on austin's new cell phone when we transferred from one physical phone to another. that meant they charged for the text messages...WRONG. long story short...they decided to "credit" my account. well, that certainly pays for groceries, doesn't it? they have an intricate and torturous system that is designed to wear you down to a totally nub, the idea being that if you are worn out and befuddled, you will stop demanding your money.
apparently, there is a telephone god somewhere. the check is for $327.

i don't teach seniors...oh how fortunate i am! talk about wondering who will be pushing your wheel chair at the nursing home...these kids...geez. i have visions of flying down a hill and crashing because one of these self-centered, brain dead and unengaged wing-wangs didn't put the brake on the chair...because no one told her she had to do it. common sense...gone with the wind.

austin's batting average: .750 going into tonight's game, which was another on the field disaster. he did get a hit, and went 1-3 and did get to play a little at 3rd base. unfortunately, it wasn't enough, as we lost, again, to hanover. he is sitting downstairs, disgusted and grumpy, but he has done well and i have a lot of hope for the team in the future. not this year...it has been not a good year with coaches, parents, and disgruntled everyone. i stay out of it and drink my tea and keep my mouth shut.

seeing former students and getting hugs: both of the newcombs (bryan back from sweden and his sister, jessie), both vanleeuwen girls (triest and maddie) and the rainock girls (lorel and lenore)

hamburgers and hot dogs cooked outside: i had concession duty tonight and spent my 2 hours cooking on the grill. i now smell like what i sold. nothing like smokey hair to make you happy! i bet if there had been dogs around, i would have been the most popular person at the field!

good neighbors: bruce and amy are lots of fun and are a great help. i hung out with them eating their leftovers from john's party on saturday and we had fun conversation. i don't have much adult conversation about anything, so this was a treat. amy has ferried me back and forth this week to the various car dealerships so i could get both of my vehicles fixed.

new music on the blog

i have spent too much time making a playlist of songs i like. it is to the left and you can scroll through the list and play the ones you like. there are a lot of them there...

triest and ross and some thoughts on the mormons in my life

last night i went to the virginia wedding reception for triest vanleeuwen and ross graham, her new husband. they were married last week in utah and had a second reception here in mechanicsville where both grew up.

i taught both triest and her sister maddie 10th grade english several years ago, and i have kept up with triest over the years via email and occasional phone calls. she has just graduated from BYU rexburg and completed her mormon mission this past august. i met ross for the first time over this past xmas holiday when the two of them came to school to visit and i met them for lunch at the local mexico restaurant.

they seem to be a match. ross obviously adores her. they grew up together in the same church, but it took a few years and a lot of miles before triest saw ross with new eyes. how lucky is that?!

triest and maddie were part of the mormon "gang" that i taught over several years. every year i had at least one happy mormon kid in my class, including three of the six rainock kids and lots of others. then all of a sudden, no more mormon kids. and i miss them. my mormon students were the happiest, most well adjusted kids i taught. they may not have all been the best students, but they seem to have a sunniness that the other non-mormon kids did not.

i think i got a better understanding of that when i went to the reception. i was a little apprehensive. while i was looking forward to seeing triest and ross, i knew i likely would not know anyone else there. as it turned out, maddie and two of the rainock girls were there and i chatted briefly with them. i stood in the food line with mama rainock and chatted with her as we waited for the food (which had been made by two of the sisters of that ward, and it was quite wonderful.

i took my plate of food and sat in a chair along the wall hoping i would not be too conspicuous. i watched the video and slide show of triest and ross and then a nice gentleman with his granddaughter sat down next to me to introduce himself. he didn't know that i knew him...i recognized the granddaughter as belonging to lorel rainock. he apparently recognized i was not one of the ones that knew everyone, and i thought to myself, what i kind gesture. i told him i had taught three of his children, and he sat there and talked to me for several minutes while the new grandbaby chewed on his tie. he was very calm and patient, as he guess you would have to be if you had raised six children!

while i was eating and people watching, what i noticed the most was the sense of community. all of the young ladies seem to be about the same age and all obviously knew each other and were enjoying visiting and getting caught up. all the young husbands were handsome and seem to be on the way to many different careers..law school, medical school. most had spent at least some time in utah or rexburg attending one of the BYU's. the young ladies were now young mothers, some with multiple children. and they still seemed to be happy, centered adults. it seems that most of them are lucky enough to be able to stay home and be mothers . everyone looked happy.

it was quite the change from what i have been observing as of late, which has been so much negativity, selfishness and apathy. it made me particularly miss the absence of the sunny mormon children from my classroom. it made me happy for triest and ross and the others and gave me a little hope. i imagine living in utah would be sort of a little utopia if you were in a state where most of the people have the same value system that you have and it is practiced collectively. whether or not you aspire to the mormon church, you still have to admire the devotion and dedication to family values. you hear a lot about it these days from the politicians, but you rarely see it in action. i am sure, as with any religious community, there are problems and drama. but at least for last night, i didn't observe any.

even though i don't have the youngsters in the class anymore, i have the privilege of having watched the ones i taught grow into fine young people. that is one of the bonuses of being a teacher...:)