Daily OM-Choosing Not To Be a Target of Emotional Attacks

this does sort of hit the heart of what i have been blue about over the last few weeks. i had a huge breakdown a week ago after austin just attacked me out of the blue over my dropping the television. it was as if he just had to come upstairs and start something with me. it made me feel exactly the way this article says you will feel if you allow someone to get to you. unfortunately, i am just no good at protecting myself these days, although i have felt better since i had the big cry. austin has been a bit more docile, but there are still problems, and by his own admission, it appears he is depressed. i don't know what exactly it is about, but i have gotten him in to see my old therapist on friday. i did talk to her on the phone last night and she asked a lot of background questions. she did say that his problems may be more adhd related than depression related. in any case, i am doing all i can to get him what he needs to get back on his feet.

December 2, 2009
Choosing Not To Be a Target of Emotional Attacks
Hurtful confrontations often leave us feeling drained and confused. When someone attacks us emotionally, we may wonder what we did to rouse their anger, and we take their actions personally. We may ask ourselves what we could have done to compel them to behave or speak that way toward us. It’s important to remember that there are no real targets in an emotional attack and that it is usually a way for the attacker to redirect their uncomfortable feelings away from themselves. When people are overcome by strong emotions, like hurt or anguish, they may see themselves as victims and lash out at others as a means of protection or to make themselves feel better. You may be able to shield yourself from an emotional attack by not taking the behavior personally. First, however, it is good to cultivate a state of detachment that can provide you with some protection from the person who is attacking you. This will allow you to feel compassion for this person and remember that their beha! vior isn’t as much about you as it is about their need to vent their emotions. If you have difficulty remaining unaffected by someone’s behavior, take a moment to breathe deeply and remind yourself that you didn’t do anything wrong, and you aren’t responsible for people’s feelings. If you can see that this person is indirectly expressing a need to you—whether they are reaching out for help or wanting to be heard—you may be able to diffuse the attack by getting them to talk about what is really bothering them. You cannot control other people’s emotions, but you can control your own. If you sense yourself responding to their negativity, try not to let yourself. Keep your heart open to them, and they may let go of their defensiveness and yield to your compassion and openness.